


Never Let Me Go

by killians-dashingrescue (caroc25)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, CS AU, Captain Swan - Freeform, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:12:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 49,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1898550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caroc25/pseuds/killians-dashingrescue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CS Modern AU. Killian and Emma have known each other when they were younger, they unfortunately get seperated and spend 15 years apart. They meet again under an unusual circumstance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I have been having this story in my head for quite some time, and I finally decided to write it. I still don’t know how many chapters this will have since I’m still planning out the story. I’m really excited for this story and hope you will like it.
> 
> This chapter is more of a big background story for Emma and Killian spread out over 15 years.
> 
> Please take note that I’m not American so I have absolutely no clue on how the school system and social services work there, and what are also the legal ages for some things, I just based myself on what I know here in Quebec. 
> 
> Read and enjoy!

_Emma—7 years old._

She dreaded this moment every time it happened: meeting her new foster family.

The only thing that she knew about them was that they lived in a nice neighbourhood and had no children of their own. She waited outside with her backpack. It contained all of her possessions, which wasn’t much.

A silver car stopped in front of the building and a tall man with light brown hair wearing a white button-down shirt with a pair of khaki pants came out of the car, followed by a petite ginger-haired woman in a blue dress. They both had a nervous smile on their face and Emma could tell that they were as nervous as she was, however maybe not for the same reasons.

Emma was now 7; she had already experienced her share of terrible foster families. Changing to a new family always meant adapting to new surroundings, new people, new kids, new everything and she also had a risk of ending up with some foster parents who wanted her just for the money and not her.

The couple approached Emma, the woman fidgeting with the fabric of her dress as she talked to the woman in charge of the foster care. When they finished talking, they approached her.

“Hello, Emma. I’m Isabelle, and this is Clifford. We are going to be your parents from here on out.” She told her with a warm smile, and while Emma was afraid of admitting it, it did give her hope.

 She smiled back shyly at them and hesitated on taking the hand Isabelle was offering her. She could see the hope on Isabelle’s face for her to take her hand, but she finally dropped it to her side, understanding that it was too much to ask from this little girl who had already been tossed around from house to house.

She followed them into the car and sat in the back. Isabelle tried making small talk as she tried to get to know Emma. Emma knew the intention was there, but she didn’t feel like responding to her questions. The red haired-woman quickly understood and Emma her have her space.

They arrived in the small neighbourhood, where there was modest-sized house, with a nice green lawn. Clifford parked the car in front of the garage of this two-story house. Isabelle got out of the car and came to open the door for Emma, who had still her mouth open, impressed with the house as she’d never seen such a beautiful one.

Emma got out of the silver car with her backpack and followed her new foster parents into the house. They have her a tour of the house until they finally reached her room. The walls were bore no decorations; the room had a very plain look to it, but it was twice as big as the others she’d had and she was going to be staying in it alone.

“I know it isn’t much, but when you feel up to it, we can go and have a shopping spree so we can decorate the room as you wish. What do you say?” Emma looked up to her and nodded.

“Do you want to settle down and have some time alone?” She asked.

“Yes, please.” Responded the little blonde girl as she spoke to Isabelle for the first time, which made her smile to finally hear Emma’s voice.

She left the room, leaving Emma to admire her new room. She dropped her bag on the floor and started to inspect every inch of her bedroom, smiling to herself at the thought that maybe things could get better.

 

-/-

_Emma—7 years old/Killian—15 years old._

A couple of weeks went by and Emma started to settle into her new life. She still couldn’t admit to herself, even less out loud, that she really liked Isabelle. She still wasn’t sure about Clifford; he was nice but he didn’t show the same kind of devotion and warmth that emanated from the red-haired woman.

Emma was sitting on the patio table as she passed time working on her favourite hobby, making some friendship bracelets. She never had a friend to give them to, but she enjoyed making them. She even considered selling them to make a little bit of money.

Isabelle opened the glass patio door and joined her at the table. Emma continued working on her bracelet as she lifted her head briefly to look at her. Isabelle was sitting at the table nervously, which, in turn, made Emma nervous, as she worried that this was it: she was going to be sent back. She stopped what she was doing and looked up at the woman.

“Um, Emma, Clifford and I need to attend a benefit for his company, so we won’t be here tonight.” She started, hearing those words made Emma let out a sigh of relief.

“I’ve asked the neighbour’s son to come and babysit you. Are you okay with that?” She asked, concerned with Emma’s well-being.

“Yes.” She blurted out with a smile, happy that that was Isabelle’s only concern.

At 5 p.m. the doorbell rang, and Clifford, dressed in his black suit, went to open the door.

“Hello, Mr. Fletcher.” Said a lilted voice. Emma was sitting on the couch watching TV, she craned her head up trying to get a peek at the person who was going to take care of her for the night. She couldn’t really get a good look at him, since her foster father was standing in front of him, blocking her view.

She heard Isabelle walk down the stairs in her high heels as she went to join her husband at the door. A couple of minutes later, she entered the living room with a tall, skinny boy.

“Emma, this is Killian. He will be watching you while we are gone.” Emma inspected him and she felt a nice vibe coming off of him.

Her parents left and he went to sit next to her on the couch. They stayed in an awkward silence, not really knowing what to say.

“So, what are we watching?” He finally asked.

“Disney movies. Which one do you want to watch, _The Lion King_ or _Aladdin_?” She asked him as she showed him the two movies.

“Um, let’s go with _Aladdin._ ”

“Good choice.” She told him as she got up and took the casette from the box and inserted it into the VCR.

They started to watch the movie in silence, and after a while Emma took out the box where she kept her pending work. She continued to pull on the coloured strings as she made progress on her bracelet.

“Who is that for? A friend at school?” Killian asked as Emma shook her head.

“No, I don’t really have any friends.”

“So why are you making them, you know they’re called _friendship_ bracelets right?”

“Just because it’s called that doesn’t mean I have to give it to someone. I just enjoy making them.” She simply answered.

“Good point. You should sell them, might as well make some money out of it.”

Her eyes left the bracelet and looked at him as she stared at his deep blue eyes she smiled, a smile that he returned.

They went back to being silent and watched the movie. When it finished, Killian shifted on his seat and looked at her.

“Are you hungry?” He asked as he turned off the VCR.

“Yes.”

“Your mom told me there was some _Kraft diner_.” He told her.

“She isn’t my mom, and that sounds good.” She answered him her eyes still on her bracelet.

He didn’t respond to her comment, feeling quite uncomfortable with this situation and went in the kitchen to make their diner.

-/-

_Emma—10 years old/Killian—18 years old._

For the past three years, Emma had been living with Isabelle and Clifford. She still wasn’t comfortable with calling them ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad,’ but she was getting there slowly. Isabelle was very caring and made sure Emma was happy with her life, while Clifford was kind, but not very talkative.

There was also Killian, who Emma appreciated most of all. He came to babysit her once in a while and she was always happy to see him. She felt like she could tell him anything, and she did. Killian’s father had abandoned him, his brother and his mother when he was about 6 years old, and he always felt a void and the pain of being left. She knew that when she talked about all of her foster homes she’d been to, how poorly she had been treated sometimes, and how being tossed from home to home made her feel like she wasn’t wanted, he understood her pain.

Every time he came over to her house, they’d spend the evening watching movies together as she made her bracelets and Killian was beside her drawing, until it was her time to go to bed. He would always tuck her in and lie next to her as he told her a story.

During the summer, he would accompany her to the pool and take her to the park and always ended up with Emma begging him to buy her an ice cream, which he always did.

Despite their age difference, she knew he liked her company and enjoyed spending time with her and that it went from the little girl he babysits to the little girl who became his friend.

Today was a hot summer day and Emma was putting on her red bathing suit and went to get her towel. The doorbell rang and she went running down the stairs to open the door knowing who it was. Killian was standing there in his flip-flops, his navy bathing suit, with a white t-shirt and a towel hanging from his skinny shoulders.

“Ready?” He asked her with a smile.

“I just need to get my bag.” Emma ran into the living room and grabbed the bag where she stored her bracelets. She joined Killian at the door and closed it behind them as Emma’s voice echoed in the house, shouting where she was going and with whom at Isabelle, who was in the kitchen.

As they walked towards the community pool, Emma had the habit on climbing on every edge she could, which earned her a warning from Killian, who always ended up taking care of her scratches, and wiping her tears away.

They arrived at the pool without any incident and as soon as she could reach the water, Emma jumped in as she made the water splash all around her. Killian followed her not long after and they played their usual game, _Marco Polo_.

After spending nearly an hour in the water, they came out and dried themselves off. Killian offered her to buy her an ice-cream cone on their way back to her house, which she gladly accepted. They went to sit on a bench near the park, taking their time and savouring their cold treats.

From the moment Killian had been sitting on the bench, he didn’t stop from shifting, but Emma didn’t notice a thing as she was entranced by the cookie dough ice cream she was relishing. She kept rambling about what happened at the park the other day, when a boy was teasing her for being adopted.

“Emma?” Killian questioned as he interrupted her. He only used her first name when he was warning her of something she did, usually calling her by her last name the rest of the time, Swan.

“Yeah, I know, I shouldn’t have hit him, but he deserved it.” She justified as she took an angry bite out of her cone.

“I’m leaving at the end of the summer.” He blurted out suddenly, earning a shocked look from Emma.

“What? Why?” She asked him, trying to hold back the tears that were already threatening to spill.

“I’m moving so I can be closer to my college.” He told her, the situation clearly hurting him, too.

“No you can’t! You can’t leave me too!” She yelled at him throwing the remains of her ice cream cone on the asphalt as she got up from the bench.

“I’m sorry, but, I have too. I can’t stay here and work at the grocery store for the rest of my life. I have ambitions and I can’t achieve them if I stay here.” He explained, Emma frowning at him, arms crossed in front of her chest. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“I don’t care! I don’t want you to leave, I’ll be alone without you.” She spilled as heavy tears started to slip down her cheeks.

“That’s not true, you have Isabelle and Clifford.” Killian said, trying to reassure the frightened little girl in front of him. His heart was breaking seeing this girl he came to care so much about over the years, as if she was his little sister, and it pained him that he had to leave her. If he could, he would take her with him but he knew that it wasn’t possible.

“It’s not the same, you’re the only one who understands me. You’re my only friend. Please. Don’t go.” Emma pleaded, her voice breaking as she made her demand.

He was looking at her with a pained expression, his face about to crack under the intensity of their predicament.

Seeing that he wasn’t answering, Emma turned around, taking her things with her and ran as fast as she could back to her house as Killian shouted her name in vain. He figured that it was no use to run after her, knowing that she just needed some time to take in the news.

-/-

The end of the summer quickly arrived, and Emma was dreading this moment for the past few weeks. Killian had worked very hard to try and make the most of their last moments together, and even if Emma really did try to enjoy them, she knew it would soon come to an end.

He had asked her if she wanted to say her goodbyes with everyone at the car, but she refused. She didn’t want everyone to see how his departure affected her. He had agreed to her request and offered to spend the afternoon at her place for one last time.

Near the end of the afternoon, Emma got up from her bed and went get something from her bag. Killian looked at her, intrigued, wondering what she was doing as she soon re-joined him on her bed.

“Here, I made you this.” She took his hand and dropped something into his palm.

He looked at her before seeing what was in his hand. She had made one of her famous bracelets, but this one was different from all the others since it wasn’t made out of boredom and wasn’t without meaning. This bracelet was made with deep affection and represented the friendship they built over the last three years.

Killian smiled, seeing what she had given him and thanked her as he wrapped it around his right wrist before silently requesting that she tie it for him.

“I’ve got something for you, too.” He told her as he went to take something out of his backpack that was lying on the floor next to her bed. He took out his black sketchbook and opened it. Killian took the loose sheet that was between the others and the hardcover.

He handed her a drawing that she had never seen before, and Emma’s eyes watered seeing what he had made for her.

It was a simple drawing of them, sitting on her couch as they watched TV. They were drawn doing what they used to do during those evenings. Her eyes watered when she saw that he had drawn her with a smile, looking happy.

“This way, whenever you feel alone and think that you have no one, you’ll be reminded that somewhere out there, you do.” He explained to her softly; she looked at him with a sad smile and jumped from her seat to hug him tightly.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” She told him, her face crushed to his chest as tears fell down, leaving a trace on his grey shirt. He hugged her tightly, his hand stroking her golden curls as he murmured into the top of her head. “Me too. But we’ll see each other again I’ll come visit.”

She leaned her head back, looking at him with vulnerability in her eyes. “You promise?” She asked with her voice cracking in sadness.

“I promise.”

Not long after, Emma saw Killian leave her house for the last time. She quickly ran up the stairs and barricaded herself in her room, battling internally as she wondered if she should watch him leave through her bedroom window.

She hid her head under her pillow, and when she heard voices coming out from outside, she couldn’t handle it any longer and got up to see what was going on. Standing in front of her window, she saw Killian standing next to the used car her mom managed to give him for his birthday. She was standing in front of him, her back to Emma, holding his hands. They hugged each other for a while and he got in the driver’s seat. The car pulled out of its spot and drove off down the street.

Emma stayed glued to her window for a while, wishing she would see his car come back, but it never did.

-/-

_Emma—14 years old._

She was sitting in the corner of the living room, which was filled with people dressed in black. Most of the people that were in her house were standing in small groups surrounded by people they knew.

Emma hadn’t really talked to Clifford since Isabelle’s passing. Actually, they never really spoke to each other, and it got worse when Isabelle was diagnosed with cancer the year before.

Her illness was quickly declared terminal, the tumour having spread to her vital organs. The only thing that they were able to do for her was making her last months comfortable.

She looked around the room and it was filled with people who were mourning her adoptive mother, and she couldn’t stand staying in this room any longer. She got up and discreetly climbed the stairs, barricading herself in her room so she could mourn her loss in peace.

Emma hadn’t realized how much she loved Isabelle until she got sick. She had always treated Emma as if she were her own child and always put her happiness first, which was something that she had never experienced before. When Killian left, Isabelle comforted her, even though Emma pushed her away, not wanting her to see her in pain. Isabelle never gave up and after some time Emma let her in to help soothe her sadness.

As usual, whenever she felt alone and lost, she took out the drawing that Killian had made for her and held it close to her chest. Her vision got blurry when she realized that she was really alone now. She had come to care for and love Isabelle and now she was gone forever, just like Killian.

He had promised her that he would come back to visit her but never did. Shortly after he left for college, his mom decided to move to another city, to be near him. Because of that, he never came back, she knew the reason why he didn’t visit, but she still had hoped that he would have kept his promise.

Emma laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling of her room, the drawing still in her hand, wondering what would happen now.

_Killian—22 years old_

He had just settled into his new apartment with a couple of friends he made in college. It was now his last year in architectural design, and was happy to leave the dorms and trade his studying space for something a little bigger and hopefully more peaceful.

Robin, his roommate, decided to throw a party before the beginning of the new semester in their apartment. Killian wasn’t that enthusiastic at the idea, since he still hadn’t finished on unpacking his stuff.

The apartment was filled with people he didn’t know, and he had trouble walking around his apartment without bumping into someone and spilling their drinks everywhere.

Killian was trying to get to the kitchen so he could grab himself another cold beer, but was side tracked when he bumped into a beautiful brunette. Her blue eyes were surprised by his sudden appearance, and she realized that she had spilled her drink all over his shirt.

She introduced herself to him and told him her name was Milah.

He felt himself drawn to her all through the party, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. They spent the night talking about their lives, dreams, and aspirations. He was amazed by her, her carefree spirit, and her thirst for adventure.

He was disappointed to hear through one of their conversations that she had a boyfriend. Killian didn’t let that bring him down and decided to at least pursue a possible friendship.

-/-

_Emma—18 years old._

For the past four years, Emma hadn’t been living with Clifford. A month after Isabelle’s death, he wasn’t able to take care of her, a teenage girl with a lot of issues as it was. He decided to send her back into the foster care system and she stayed there, since no family wanted a fourteen-year-old girl with an attitude problem in their home.

 She quickly lost hope, convinced now more than ever that she didn’t belong anywhere. Every time she stumbled upon the drawing of the only friend she ever had and his broken promise, she came to terms with the fact that happiness wasn’t something that the future held for her. After one horrible and frustrating day, where she needed someone to be there for her, but nobody was, she took Killian’s drawing and tore it to pieces, blinded by the anger and sadness coursing through her.

She finally got out of the system and was trying to survive with the small amount of money she had. She sometimes didn’t have a choice to steal from a convenience store for some essentials, or from grocery store for food.

Emma met a guy, Neal, as she tried to steal his car in a back alley, not knowing that he was lying in the backseat. She soon realised that she was stealing a stolen car, and the absurdity of the situation made them laugh. He asked her out for a drink, and she accepted, since she thought that he was kind of cute and there was something about him that she felt drawn to.

From then on, they had been spending all of their time together as partners in crime. Emma felt happy; for the first time in a long time she felt loved and that she had finally found a place where she belonged. Neal promised her the world and she saw endless possibilities with him as she fell head over heels in love with him.

She should have seen it coming when he framed her for one of his crimes and she was sentenced to eleven months in prison. She kept repeating and convincing herself that _good things don’t happen to her_ and that _trusting others is something she can’t afford_.

She is, and always was, alone in this world.

_Killian—26 years old._

In the past 3 months, Killian had finally started dating Milah. He had spent the last four years enamoured with her, but never wanted to make a move since she was already with someone. He became her friend, and soon realised how miserable she was with her boyfriend. He was jealous, possessive, and didn’t treat her the way she deserved to be treated.

They slowly became closer, and she could no longer deny what she and Killian had. A couple of months later, she gathered the courage to leave her boyfriend for Killian. Since then, they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, and he felt content and happy with his life.

Killian was sitting at the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his thighs, his face buried in one hand as the other hand still held the phone through which he heard the news that had broken his heart into one thousand pieces.

Milah’s best friend had just called him in tears, telling him that Milah was found lifeless in her apartment.

After hearing those words, the rest was a blur to Killian as he tried to assimilate the news; he didn’t hear her friend tell him the details and circumstances of her death.

He found the strength to finally leave his apartment and rush his way towards her place, where he found a horde of policemen blocking the passage. When the police found out that he was her boyfriend, they bombarded him with questions.

It took them a day or two, he didn’t really remember, for them to figure out who was responsible for this crime.

Milah’s ex-boyfriend, still upset that she’d left him, committed a crime of passion.

Killian spent the days following her funeral on his bed mourning her as he drank himself to sleep, the only way he found to numb the pain.

-/-

_Present._

_Emma—22 years old/Killian—30 years old._

It had been a slow night up until now and she only had a couple of customers on her side of the bar.

From the moment she arrived at work, there was an annoying customer who wouldn’t leave her alone, trying to get her attention, calling out her with cheesy pet names. She hated when clients acted that way just because she was wearing denim shorts with a low cut top.

She had been working in this bar for the past year, her roommate Ruby managed to make her boss hire her since she was desperate for a job, and there weren’t a lot of places that were willing to hire her, due to her criminal record. At least she had a job that paid her enough to pay the bills.

“Ruby, do you mind watching my section, I really need to go to the bathroom.” She yelled loud enough so her co-worker could hear her over the rock music that was playing.

“Sure thing.” Replied the brunette as she poured some shots for the customers who were sitting in front of her.

Emma walked to the back of the bar and went to the bathroom. On her way back, she was smacked on the butt, the action making her body jerk and turn around towards the person who just touched her.

She was face-to-face with the customer who had been harassing her all evening. He closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her waist, flushing his chest to hers, and she could smell the inebriated scent of his breath.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She asked as her palms went to rest flat on his chest and she tried to push him off her, her face contorted in disgust.

“Oh come on, sweetheart. Don’t tell me you’re dressing like that and don’t want someone to fuck you good.” He told her, snarling into her ear.

She felt herself boil over at his comment and actions and just when she was about to punch him in the face, someone else pulled him off of her.

“I think the lass doesn’t want your dirty hands on her.” The man said, earning him a strong push from the harasser.

“Back off, this is none of your business.”

“Well, I think it is, when I see a man treating a woman this poorly. Especially against her will.”

The other man groaned before launching himself at her rescuer. Everything happened so fast that she didn’t clearly see what happened, the only thing she knew was the annoying man was now lying on the floor, unconscious.

She wanted to thank the man who came to help her, and walked towards him, as his back was to her. He turned around just when she arrived in front of him, and when she lifted her eyes to look at him, she felt herself freeze completely.

The man had incredible blue eyes that felt so familiar to her, that, without even realising it, she opened her mouth.

“ _Killian_?”

“ _Emma_?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies! I first want to say a HUUUGE thanks to all of you, I reaaally wasn’t expecting to have such a huge response to it, and I’m glad that you liked the first chapter, hoping that you will like this one too!
> 
> A huge thanks to Nicki ( oncertwice) for helping me out with this chapter, there wouldn’t be a chapter to post if it wasn’t for her!
> 
> Read and enjoy!

They both stood awkwardly in the middle of the bar, Emma still not believing that it was really Killian standing in front of her.

She had to blink her eyes a couple of times to be sure that she wasn’t dreaming. The man standing in front of her wasn’t the same boy she once knew, _the years were_ definitely _good to him_ , she kept thinking.

He wasn’t the same skinny boy she had known, his frame was now lean and sculpted, his T-shirt revealing strong arms and biceps. His face was also different, trading his formerly soft cheeks for scruff in which there was a hint of ginger. Amid all that, his eyes shone with a blue intensity that Emma hadn't seen in a long time. There was a glint of honesty in their depths, which made her shiver, as it was rare she had seen such emotion in someone.

He seemed as surprised as she was, judging by his face. They didn’t know how to greet each other, a hug, a handshake, _what_?

Emma didn’t know how to react to his sudden reappearance, what to say to him since she was confused by a mix of different emotions. She felt happy to see him since he was still a person that she had cherished a lot at one point in her life. He was there for her when she needed someone. But then again, she reminded herself that he left her, that he told her that he would visit but never did.

“So, how have you been?” Killian asked breaking the awkward, long silence between them.

She started fidgeting the moment he asked her that question, not wanting to talk about how she’s been, because she felt as though she could scream at him over everything that went wrong after his departure.

She decided to smile at him and give him a vague answer. “I’ve been fine. Look, I really need to go back to work. It was nice seeing you again.”

With that said, she walked past him and went towards her side of the bar where Ruby was covering for her. When she regained her spot behind the counter, she found Killian on the other side.

Emma tucked a strand of hair behind her hair, a nervous habit she’d developed with time, and tried to avoid his gaze as she turned around to the customer next to her and took his order. Killian waited until she finished pouring the client’s beer and completed the transaction before talking to her again.

“Look, Emma, I can see you’re busy right now and I don’t want to bother you any longer, but I really would like for us to catch up.”

He stood from his chair and bent over her bar, his arm stretching out on her side and grabbed a square, white napkin. He took out the pen that was tucked in the pocket of his red and blue plaid shirt. He then scribbled some numbers down and pushed the napkin towards her. Emma looked down at he piece of paper and back at him.

“I’ll wait for you call.” He smiled at her one last time, and walked towards the door.

Emma watched him go, and after he disappeared on the other side of the doors she looked back at the piece of paper she still had in her hands before tearing it to pieces.

-/-

Killian woke at the same time he did every day—7:15. He went about his usual routine, shower then breakfast, and left for work. It was a nice, warm morning and he decided to walk to work instead of using the public transportation.

Since his encounter with Emma the previous evening, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He still couldn’t believe that he had run into after all of these years. He was amazed by how she had grown into a beautiful, stunning woman. Her hair had grown, the golden, wavy locks cascading down her back, her body now defined by soft curves.

The change that stood out the most for him, was her green eyes, they weren’t soft and warm like they were when she was child. There was now a harsh, coldness to them that said she was trying to protect herself from the world.

He wondered what had brought her to work in a bar, not that working in a bar was a bad thing, but he always thought that she was very smart for her young age and that she would be able to do anything in her life that she wanted to. Since last night, he couldn’t stop wondering what she had been up to in the last couple of years.

Killian was really hoping she would call him, or at least text him so they could go have a drink and catch up. He had felt her distance and insecurity at his request and even if he didn’t want to, he doubted she would contact him.

He entered the building where he worked—Baum, Ferguson, & Associates, an architectural firm that showed a lot of promise, and went to settle himself in his office. All throughout the day, his mind kept shifting back to a certain blonde. He wanted her to make the first move, let her decide if she wanted to see him again or not, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she wouldn’t, and, despite her withdrawal, he sensed that she needed him.

After work, Killian decided to stop by Harrison's Irish Pub to see if she was working.

He entered the bar, and, compared to the previous night, the place was packed, since it was now happy hour. He made his way through the crowd of people drinking, and finally reached the bar. He stood at the end of the counter, craning his neck looking for Emma. One of the barmaids, the brunette who served him yesterday, came over to stand before him with a smile.

“Back already? Your job must really suck for you to come here two nights in a row.” She teased him as she rested her forearms on the bar. “What can I get you? Rum?”

“Uh, actually, no. I came here to see Emma, is she working tonight?” The second he mentioned her name, the brunette’s red lips grinned at him.

“It’s her night off. She won’t be working again until Thursday.”

“Oh.” He responded, quite saddened by the news. “Can you give her a message for me then?”

“I can do something better.” She grabbed a piece of paper that was laying on her side of the counter and wrote down what seemed to be Emma’s number before handing it to him.

Killian looked at numbers and back at her, a bit sceptical. “You sure she won’t mind?”

“Please, if she does, I’ll handle her. Just call her.” She huffed as she rested her hands on her hips.

“Thanks, lass.”

“Ruby. You can call me Ruby.” She told him with a smile before walking to the other end of the bar.

Killian left the bar minutes after with Emma’s phone number in his hand. When he got outside, he took his phone out and hesitated on calling her.

_What if she doesn’t want to be bothered?_

-/-

Emma got up late in the afternoon, that’s what working in bar did to you. She felt less guilty about missing half of the day when it was her day off. She was happy that when she got out of her room, Ruby had already left for the pub, since she had the early shift for the happy hour and she didn’t want to relive last night’s discussion.

The second they finished their shift at the bar on their way back to their apartment Ruby wouldn’t stop questioning her about the handsome, dark-haired Brit who saved her from being harassed by a drunk. She wanted to know all the little details of her encounter with him and kept insisting that Emma call him.

Emma tried to keep calm, but at one point she asked her roommate to leave her alone, and told her that she alone would make the decision concerning that guy. She enjoyed having Ruby as a roommate, but sometimes she wished she had the money to have her own place. Especially moments like last night when she didn’t understand her non-verbal cues that said ‘leave me alone’.

After eating breakfast (or was it lunch?), she went to get dressed and went to run some errands, since they were running out of everything. She was walking towards the grocery store, listening to some music on her phone when suddenly she felt it vibrate. She unlocked the phone as she walked and went to read the text message she’d received from an unknown number.

**_Hi Emma, it’s Killian. I was wondering if you were free tomorrow, around noon?_ **

Emma stopped walking when she finished reading the message and blinked several times at her screen, eyebrows furrowed.

_How the hell did he get her phone number?_

She sighed as she reread his message, and decided to deal with it later. She continued her walk to the market, trying not to think about it.

Late that night, Emma was sitting on her couch with a bowl of popcorn on her lap as she watched rerun of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. on TV. Every time she watched that show, she always wondered if there was such thing—a friendship where people were always there for you no matter what. But then she reminded herself of her own experience with any kind of relationships and realised that maybe not, it was only television.

She was in the middle of the episode where Rachel and Monica play a game to get Joey and Chandler to get rid of their rooster, when she heard keys on the other side of the door. Ruby entered seconds later, looking completely exhausted.

“Busy night?” Emma asked her as she took a handful of popcorn and popped some into her mouth.

“You have no idea.” The brunette walked towards the couch and tumbled on it.

They remained in silence for a moment as they both watched the show, and laughed when Monica tried desperately to win her apartment back. When the commercials appeared on the screen, Ruby turned her upper body towards Emma.

“So, you won’t guess who came to the bar today.” She teased her roommate with a huge grin.

Emma just looked at her, curling her mouth downwards and shrugging her shoulders. Unable to contain her excitement any longer, Ruby spilled the information.

“That handsome, dark-haired man from last night.”

Emma looked at the brunette with an annoyed expression, quickly connecting the dots as her eyes grew wide as she sat upright on the couch, depositing the bowl on the coffee table.

“You’re the one who gave him my number!” She answered her as her voice got louder. “Why would you do that? You had no right!”

Ruby didn’t move an inch from her seat, she was now used to Emma’s little outbursts.

Emma felt furious by her roommate’s actions and couldn’t believe she’d done that.

“Well, if I didn’t meddle in your life, you wouldn’t have one. I’m just trying to spice things up a little. And get you a date in the process.” She explained casually as she bent over to take the bowl of popcorn and lean back in the couch. Emma followed her every move, still shocked by what Ruby had done.

“Oh my God, you are unbelievable. Look, I don’t need your help with my _boring_ life, got it? I’m okay with the way things are, and I don’t need a man in order to feel fulfilled.” She got up from the couch and started to walk towards her room, not wanting to be near her roommate.

“Okay, so answer me this: are you happy right now? Because you sure don’t seem like it.” Ruby shot back at her, holding her stare.

Emma opened her mouth as if she was about to say something. She wanted to answer yes, just so Ruby would leave her alone, but she knew it would be a lie. Emma wasn’t happy, she thought she was at one point in her life, but it turned out to be an illusion. She resigned not to answer Ruby and instead went to lock herself in her bedroom.

-/-

At 7:15, Killian’s alarm clock started to ring it’s awful song that told him to get up. He tapped his nightstand in search of his phone so he could turn off the annoying sound. When he succeeded, he sat at the edge of his bed and rubbed his eyes to help himself wake up. Finally managing to get himself up, he went to take a cold shower, hoping it would rouse him further.

Standing under the water’s tepid stream, Killian let his thoughts roam and he thought about Emma’s unresponsiveness. It had been three days since he texted her, and he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t disappointed that she hadn’t reached out or even respond to his message. Apparently she wasn’t as happy as he was about finally finding each other again.

The two first days he rationalized that maybe she was busy and couldn’t respond, or that maybe she had forgotten her phone at home, or plenty of other excuses. Last night, he had abandoned all hope on her responding, deciding to move on and leave her be.

Killian got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist and went into his bedroom to get dressed. He opted for a dark, washed-out pair of jeans and a dark grey dress shirt, leaving the first buttons undone and rolling up the sleeves to his elbows.

He grabbed his phone, pushing on the menu button to look at the time, and saw that he had a message from Emma. He felt his heartbeat quicken, and unlocked the screen so he could access her message.

**_Sorry for the delay, are you free today?_ **

He couldn’t help the smile that made its way through his face. He started typing his response and sent it before putting his phone into the back pocket of his pants, and went to make himself breakfast before leaving for work.

Work went by as usual, and he felt relieved to see that the morning flew by quickly. His lunch break finally came, and he got out of the building and walked towards to the nearest coffee shop, where he told Emma to meet him.

When he entered the shop, he scanned around the room to see if she may have already arrived. Emma was nowhere in sight, so he decided to wait in line to order something to eat and to drink. When he finished paying for his things and grabbed the drinks at the receiving end of the counter he went to a free table where he sat and he waited for her to arrive.

A couple minutes later, Emma entered the coffee shop and her gaze roamed through the crowd of people until her eyes landed on him. She made her way through to him as he got up to greet her. She sat down on the chair in front of his as he sat back down. She looked nervous as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Um, I got you a hot chocolate with cinnamon and almond croissant, just like you liked it when you were little. I hope you still like them.” Killian told her as he broke the awkward silence surrounding them, earning himself a small smile from her.

“Thanks.” She said as she grabbed the brown bag took out the pastry, taking a bite of it.

“So, what have you been up to?” Killian asked as he started the usual small talk you have when you haven’t someone in a long time.

“Not much, you?” She answered him, avoiding his gaze and taking a sip from her drink.

Killian felt a bit confused by the way she was acting, as if she wasn’t really sure she wanted to be here. “I, uh, work nearby at an architectural firm.”

She nodded her head slowly. “You always spent your time drawing, so that’s not really a surprise.” She told with a small smile.

“Yeah, I guess. How are your parents?”

Emma felt herself freeze at his question.

_Of course he didn’t know._

Instead of answering him with the truth or a lie, she realised that it was a bad idea to come here. All of a sudden, she got up and shifted nervously on her feet.

“Sorry, this was a bad idea.” She said simply and took off.

She was walking fast down the street, trying to put as much distance between herself and him. Unfortunately, she didn’t have much luck, as moments after she left him, she heard him yelling her name.

“Emma? _EMMA_! Wait!” She felt his hand grab her arm to stop her. “What the hell was _that_?” He asked her, bewildered by the way she was acting.

She was breathing heavily, trying to calm herself down, not wanting to scream at him for everything that went wrong the second he left her.

Seeing that she wasn’t responding, he kept going. “I don’t understand why you’re acting this way. I mean, I’m only trying to catch up with you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She repeated.

“Why not? Don’t you want to see if we can try and mend our friendship?”

Emma huffed at his comment, looking at him directly in the eyes for the first time since she’d joined him.

“Come on, Killian, we were just kids. We are not the same people we used to be. What makes you think that this would work?”

“I don’t know, but we could at least give it a try.”

They stared at each other for what seemed like hours as he waited for her to answer.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t take another chance with you.” Emma turned around and was about to walk away when his voice interrupted again.

“I don’t understand.”

She stopped abruptly and faced him once again before blurting out what was worrying her.

“ _You left me_! That’s why! You said you would come back and you never did. You broke my heart, and after all these years it’s still broken. That’s why I can’t take another chance with you, because I don’t want you to break it even more.” She cracked, tears running down her cheeks as she confessed what she had been keeping deep inside for all these years.

Killian’s face faltered hearing those words, and he felt immediately guilty. He took a step forward, hesitating to take her hands in his.

“Emma…I’m so sorry for the pain that I’ve caused you, but you have to know that not a day went by that I didn’t think of you. And it pained me that I wasn’t able to keep my promise.” He told her, his voice trembling with emotion.

They stood in silence, Killian finally gathering the courage to take her small hands in his. The warmth of his hands weakened her resolve as she lifted her glassy eyes to meet his.

“Please, let me make this up to you. Let me be here for you.” He implored her, wanting to soothe her pain.

“I don’t know if I can.” Her voice came out small and weak.

His hand came to brush her cheek as he wiped her tears. “You’re scared, and you have every right to be. But seeing you made me realise that there was piece of me that was missing. And you brought it back. Please, give this a chance.”

Silence filled the air between them as Emma tried to ponder at his proposal.

“On one condition.” She told him, her eyes locked with his.

“Anything.” Killian was ready to give her anything she wanted so that he could be there for her.

“If I don’t want to be friends with you anymore, you’ll leave me alone, and won’t come after me.”

Killian inhaled deeply upon hearing her demand, hoping it would never get there. “Okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I'm still overwhelmed by the response this story has gotten!
> 
> Sorry for the short length of this chapter, I'll try to make it up to you with the next one, and this chapter is only in Emma's POV, the next one will be in Killian's POV.
> 
> Read and enjoy!

It had been a couple of days since her confrontation with Killian, and she hadn’t seen him since. He had asked her when he could see her again but since she worked until late at night most Thursdays to Sundays, she didn’t have open evenings on the weekend.

Killian, on the other hand, worked during the day from Monday to Friday, so their free time was pretty limited, and it didn’t help that Emma slept during the day on weekends. Seeing their conflicted schedules, Killian decided to pay her a visit on Sunday night after Emma’s shift that ended at 9 p.m. He couldn’t stay too late, since he worked early the next day, but he told her that he really wanted to see her.

Sunday arrived and she felt kind of nervous for later that night. She was dreading his arrival but at the same time, she was excited to see him, though the fear was predominant. Emma couldn’t stop thinking of what they would actually talk about; she was afraid that Killian would insist on knowing more about her foster parents, or ask her about her love life or why she was single, or what she had been up to in the last ten-or-so years.

Emma was grateful that the evening was busy, which was unusual for Sunday, but she gathered that it was the nice hot weather that made people want to grab a cold drink, enjoying their weekend to the end. Her bar was constantly full, which didn’t give her time to think much about Killian. Around 8 o’clock, it started to slow down a bit, so she focused on cleaning her side of the bar and make sure to do a refill of her alcohol before ending her shift.

She was crouching as she refilled the fridge under the counter, and was surprised when she got up to see Killian sitting at the bar, looking at her with a grin. She had been so busy all night and didn’t have any time to think about this moment. But now that he was here, all of her nervousness and worries that she had built over the past few days came rushing back as she saw him.

“Hey, you’re here early.” She looked at her watch and blinked a couple of times when she realised that her shift just ended.

“Oh, maybe not,” Killian chuckled at her reaction before greeting her.

“Did you almost finish?”

“Um, yeah just give me a couple more minutes, I need to balance the till. Do you want something to drink?” She asked him as she started printing the receipts she needed.

“A glass of rum would be nice.”

“I’ll order your drink and Ruby’ll give it to you.” Emma walked towards her roommate’s side of the bar and ordered his drink.

“So, you finally decided to listen to me and go out on a date with the guy?” The brunette told her with an eyebrow raised and a smirk. Emma rolled her eyes and an annoyed sigh followed.

“No. This isn’t a date.”

“Mhm, I don’t believe you. How can you _not_ be on a date with that gorgeous man?” She asked Emma as she was pouring Killian’s drink.

“It’s not what you think, he’s just a friend.” Emma tried to convince her, taking the glass from her co-worker so she could bring it to him, to which she responded with a smirk, clearly set on not believing in her.

Emma ignored her friend’s comments and went to give Killian his drink as she grabbed the things she needed and went to the back of the store to count her things in peace without any distractions.

When she finished she went to change her clothes, and went to join Killian at the counter. She cursed under her breath when she saw Ruby leaning on the counter as she was speaking to him, Killian laughing at something she’d just said. Emma walked towards them and went to stand beside Killian, as he turned his head towards her.

“Finished?”

“Yeah.” The moment she answered him he moved his stool to the right to leave her some space so she could sit on the stool to his left.

Emma hesitated about sitting there, where Ruby could eavesdrop and make Emma uncomfortable as she watches them with curious eyes. Or if they should go sit away from the brunette where they could be alone, which would mean that she’d have no escape from any of his questions.

She sat on the chair next to him, deciding to take her chances with Ruby; her roommate could be used as a good excuse if Emma began to feel uncomfortable. She settled her purse under the counter where there was a hook for her to hang it.

“So, what can I get you, roomie?” Ruby asked her in a teasing tone.

“Just a beer for now.”

“And I’ll take another.” Killian told her as he raised his glass and shook lightly.

“Coming right up.” With that, she left them alone, and the second she did, Emma felt herself get nervous once again.

“So, how was work?” He asked as he attempted to start a conversation.

“Busy, which is good.” She looked at him with small smile as she realised that she didn’t know what to tell him more.

“How was your day?” Emma asked him after a moment of silence.

“Good, I went to a park with some friends to play some football.” He took the last sip of his drink at the same time that Ruby arrived with his refill and Emma’s beer.

The brunette left them alone the second she dropped their drinks to go attend some customers who had just arrived at the other end of the bar. The one time Emma needed Ruby to meddle in her life and she had to leave.

Emma took a big sip of her drink and dropped her bottle on the coaster that was laying on the counter. She sighed, which caught Killian’s attention, and she looked at him with a sorry smile.

“I really suck at this,” She started as she gestured with her hands in front of her. “Getting… reacquainted. I was never one to share my feelings and thoughts as a kid and I’m sure that I’m not now. Sorry.”

His head dropped, sighing as he heard what was worrying her and what got her nervous – _the sharing_.

“Look, Emma, I’m not going to push you to tell me anything you don’t want to, just us spending time together like we used to is enough for me. And when you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.” She searched his face for any trace of a lie. When she didn’t see one, she felt herself relax slightly, seeing the honesty that was emanating from his blue eyes.

“Thank you for being understanding.” She told him as he took a sip of his rum.

“It’s the least I could do, lass. For everything that I’ve put you through.”

Emma couldn’t help the sad smile that appeared on her face and she suddenly felt happy to have him back.

Killian looked at his watch and his eyes widened as he saw the time. “It’s getting late, and I work early tomorrow morning. So, what do you say if we see each other again, on one of your free nights?”

“Um, sure okay.” She replied, surprised at his sudden offer.

“What about Tuesday?” He asked her.

“Tuesday’s good.”

“Good, so I’ll text you my address.” Killian told her as he got up from his stool and took one last sip of his drink.

“Okay.”

“See you then.” He smiled at her before leaning in and hugging her briefly before he went to say goodbye to Ruby at the other end of the counter.

Emma turned her eyes back to her beer, after he left and felt somewhat happy with what happened tonight, even though it was short, and, for the most part, awkward and uncomfortable. She saw a glimpse of what had drawn her to him when she was a kid, his honesty and sincerity.

She finished her beer, and took her wallet out of her purse and got up to see Ruby so she could pay for her drink.

“Here, this is for my beer.” She told her as she gave her a ten dollar bill. Ruby smirked at her as she gave her back her bill, and Emma looked at her, confused.

“No need, Killian paid for your drink.” She told her, her hands on the counter.

“Oh! Okay, then I guess I’ll see you at the apartment.” She took her money and put it back in her wallet and left the bar.

Walking back home, she couldn’t shake the mix of feelings that had built deep within her, one that she hadn’t felt in years. A strange combination of excitement and anticipation.

-/-

Tuesday arrived quickly, and Emma was getting herself ready to go to Killian’s.

She felt nervous – her previous good feeling about him quickly dissipated since she got time to ruminate on this situation. Grabbing her bag, she left her apartment, locking the door behind her.

Fortunately, he lived not-so-far-away from her place, which meant she could walk there and some money on a cab. She decided to listen to some music on her way over there to help her distract herself from any thoughts that would make her chicken out.

Arriving in front of his building, her mouth fell open since apparently he lived in a fancy building. She opened the door and walked inside and managed her way to the elevators and waited for the _‘ding’_ that preceded the door’s opening.

She walked in the metal box and pressed the number that corresponded with his floor. During the ride up, Emma felt her palms get sweaty and dried her hands quickly on the side of her pants.

When the number 4 lit up, she walked forward and waited for the doors to open before coming out of it. She turned to the right, as his message told her, in search for his apartment number. She arrived in front of his door and knocked. Seconds later the door opened, Killian on the other side of it with a smile.

“Hey, you didn’t have trouble finding the place, did you?” He asked her as he let her come inside.

“No, it’s kind of close to the laundromat I go to.” She answered as she scanned his apartment. It was a big loft, the adjoined kitchen/dining room to the left, the living room on one side, and his bedroom on the other.

“This is my place, despite the fancy look of the building, it’s pretty small, but nice.”

“It is.” She replied as she looked around.

“So, I thought we could order some pizza and watch movies like we used to. What do you think?” He asked.

“Sounds like a pretty good plan to me.” Emma dropped her bag near the entrance door, and ventured herself further into his apartment.

“Great, I’ll order the pizza. Make yourself comfortable.” Killian gestured toward the living room as he took his phone out of his jeans.

Emma sat on his couch and looked around, and her eyes stopped when she saw a picture frame on the bookshelf next to the couch, with a photograph of Killian with a beautiful brunette with gorgeous blue eyes. They both looked very happy, as they had big smiles on their faces. The woman was tucked under his arm, head resting on his chest. Emma was about to get up to look at the picture when he came back, interrupting her.

“It should be here in about half an hour.” Emma nodded at his comment and turned around to the DVD rental boxes that were resting on his coffee table.

“So what movie did you get?” She asked him as she leaned forwards grasping the DVDs in her hand.

She looked at the title of the first one and started laughing, which didn’t stop when she saw the other movie.

“Seriously? _Aladdin_ and _The Lion King_? I’m not 7 anymore.”

Killian chuckled at her reaction as he scratched the back of his ear. “Well, I thought we should reminisce properly.” He smiled at her, and as she took in what he just did, the intention behind it. They both knew the meaning those evenings held for her when they were younger.

Suddenly, the warm feeling she felt the other night he came to see her came back and all of her previous doubts left her mind. Killian asked her which movie she wanted to see first, and she decided to start with _The Lion King_.

After he inserted the disc in his DVD player, he went to sit next to Emma, and they watched the movie. They were interrupted shortly after when their food arrived, and decided to drop the box on his coffee table.

When they finished the first movie, Emma got herself comfortable in his couch, tucking her legs under her as Killian got up to put in the other movie. While he was doing that, Emma’s eyes wandered back to the picture on his bookshelf, and she couldn’t stop the question that slipped through her lips.

“Who’s that woman in the picture?” At the mention of the picture, Killian stilled and turned his head towards the photograph with sadness in his eyes. He didn’t respond to her right away, as if he seemed to be thinking about telling her or not.

“Someone from long ago.” He told her in a low voice.

Emma saw the pain behind his features, and being familiar with those types of feelings, she decided not to pressure him for more information. If she was in his situation, she wouldn’t want to be pressured. He sat down next to her and she was about to put the incident past her when he spoke again.

“Her name was Milah and I was in love with her. For a long time she had this boyfriend who treated her poorly. One day she decided to leave him, and she came to me. We started dating not long after, and I was happy. Really happy. Unfortunately, her ex-boyfriend, unable to handle the fact that she didn’t want him anymore, he decided to end her life.” His voice wavered throughout the story, and Emma was horrified to hear what happened to Milah.

Emma felt sad about Killian going through such a horrible experience. She closed the space between them on the couch, and pulled him in for a hug, wanting to soothe the pain that the death of a loved one causes. She pulled back and looked at him.

“It’s the worst losing someone that way, but I can’t even imagine how it feels when someone is taken unwillingly. I’m sorry.” She told him as she locked her eyes with his.

“Thank you.” He told her simply with a small smile, and decided to watch the movie, changing the sad path that the evening took.

As they watched _Aladdin_ , they quickly fell back in the good mood they were in earlier. Emma felt happy for the first time in a long time, and really had the feeling she was a kid again with him by her side. She felt carefree, her heart felt light and she couldn’t stop smiling, which was something that Emma never did.

She left after the movie, since Killian worked in the morning. She thanked him for the evening and told him how much fun she had, which was true. As she walked back home, she couldn’t stop thinking about Milah, his past girlfriend. She realised that he had just shared a big piece of information about the past few years, and that it wasn’t a happy one.

Knowing that his life after leaving her wasn’t as perfect as it seemed to be, Emma wondered if she would eventually be able to open up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I want to thank you guys for reading it, and to all of you who reviewed/kudos.
> 
> I want to thank my beta Nicki, oncertwice for her feedback and for her awesomeness!
> 
> Review if you want, it's always nice to know what you like and well didn't (said politely of course). You can always PM, or you can stop by on my blog, .com
> 
> Until next time! Caro


	4. Chapter 4

After Emma left his apartment, Killian cleared his coffee table of the empty pizza box and empty beer bottles. He had really enjoyed their evening watching movies together just like old times.

He instantly felt her relax when she saw what he had planned for them and his heart leapt with joy when he finally saw her smile and laugh. It was nice to know that he could still get those emotions out of her after everything that had happened with them since they’d found each other again.

Everything was going well until Emma found the picture of Milah. He froze at her name, the pain in his heart still fresh as he was still mourning her death after all these years. He instinctively brushed it off, as if she were no one, when in fact she had meant the world to him.

Slowly putting his walls up, he thought about Emma and how she’d reacted when he had asked her about the last years, and how she shut him out instantly and how hurt he’d felt that she didn’t trust him enough to share with him. He really wanted her to eventually open up to him, but he knew that it wouldn’t be easy.

He then thought that maybe the best way to work toward that would be for him to share something painful from his past, to show her that his time away from her wasn’t as peachy as she seemed to be thinking.

So he told Emma about Milah and her tragic death, and he saw the understanding that was written all over her face. She’d also lost someone, he didn’t know who or how, but he really believed her when she told him she understood his pain.

When he finished cleaning up his living room, he walked toward the shelf on which the picture of him and Milah was resting. He took the frame in his hands, his fingertips brushing the beautiful and bright smile she wore. His chest tightened remembering the way she laughed or the glint in her eyes before she decided to do something spontaneous, like the time she convinced him to take a drive in the middle of the night and have an impromptu road trip because she felt like going to the beach.

Killian deposited the picture back on the shelf and felt a lump at the back of his throat. He managed to move from his spot and walked to his bed to get himself ready for sleep.

He kept thinking about Milah and Emma, two women that had so much impact in his life. Maybe it was time to let go of his lost love, and focus the pain that kept draining his energy into trying to mend his friendship with the woman that was here now.

The last thought he remembered before falling asleep was the fact that tonight he had made Emma laugh and smile, which meant that they’d both taken a big step in their relationship.

Killian woke up the next morning and went on about his usual routine before heading to work. As the day went by, he felt his eyelids go heavy as he realised that he didn’t sleep as much as he thought he did.

Towards the end of his workday, he felt his cellphone buzz in his pocket. He took it out, a grin appearing on his face when he saw the person calling him.

“Dave! It’s been a long time, mate.” Killian greeted his friend cheerfully.

“Jones, how have you been?”

“I’ve been good.”

“So, I’m calling you because Mary Margaret and I are having a party on Saturday at our place, and it would be nice if you could come.” Mary Margaret and David met in high school and had been together ever since. They got married the previous year, finally ready to unite their love through the bond of marriage.

“Of course, mate. I’ll be there. Can I bring a friend?”

“A _lady_ friend?” His friend teased him at the other end of the line.

“Yes, but it isn’t what you think.” Killian said, knowing that David would automatically make a big deal out of whatever this was, knowing that he hadn’t invited a girl over to meet his friends since _her_.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“But I know what you were about to.”

“You know me too well. So see you on Saturday?” Killian heard his friend chuckle at the other side of the line before answering him.

“See you Saturday.”

Killian ended the call, and scrolled down in his contact list, searching for Emma’s number. The phone rang a couple of times, and he was about to hang up when she answered, clearly out of breath.

“Hello?”

“Emma, it’s Killian.”

“Hey, how are you?” Her voice sounded surprised and she seemed to be in a hurry.

“I’m good. So I’m calling you to find out if you’re busy Saturday night.” He asked her hopeful that she would agree.

“I’m working. Why?”

“Well one of my friends is having a party, and I was hoping you could come.”

“I would love to, but I can’t. Sorry.” Her voice sounded disappointed that she couldn’t come, which surprised Killian, since he’d expected her to take a couple of steps back and push him away. Surprised, he decided to push his luck.

“Can you ask for the night off?”

“I don’t know if I can. Look, I need to go to work now, actually. I’ll call you, okay?”

“Okay,” Killian answered, trying not to let his disappointment show in his voice.

“Talk to you later.” Without leaving him time to respond Emma ended the call.

He finished working an hour later, and went home as usual, trying not to think about Emma.

Killian kept himself occupied throughout the evening and decided to go to the grocery store when he realised he was low on food, taking the occasion to return last nights DVD’s to the video store.

He came back to his apartment with two bags filled with food. He unloaded the bags and looked at the time and realised it was almost 8 o’clock and didn’t feel like cooking, opting instead for take-out.

After he finished unloading the bags filled with food, he went to open the third drawer in his kitchen counter and took out the take-out menu he kept there, opting for Chinese food and ordering his usual: chicken lo mein and egg rolls.

His food arrived shortly before 9, just as he was about to settle in on his couch, deciding to eat his food as he watched _The I.T. Crowd._ He had just turned on his TV when his phone started to ring on the other side of the apartment.

Leaving his food on the coffee table, he went in search of his phone that he had left on the kitchen counter. Seeing the name of the caller on his phone he couldn’t help the smile that crept on his face, and quickly unlocked his phone to answer it.

“Hello.” He answered as he cursed himself for sounding too eager.

“Hey, Killian, it’s Emma. I’m calling you real quick to tell you that my friend Ruby agreed to take my shift on Saturday.” She blurted out loudly, trying to compete with the noise of the loud music and conversations that were coming from the bar.

“Okay, great. Um, I’ll come and pick you up?”

“Sure. Just text me what time. See you Saturday.” With that, Emma ended the call, leaving Killian smiling as he stood in the middle of the kitchen.

-/-

Saturday arrived quickly and Killian was grateful since work had been busy and had drained a lot of his energy. Fortunately, he had the day to rest before he needed to head towards Emma’s apartment so they could go to David’s party.

He arrived at her place and climbed the stairs that led him to her apartment, and knocked on her door when he found the numbers that corresponded to those she had sent by text.

Killian heard some hurried footsteps on the other side of the door until she finally opened it. His eyes widened when he saw her come out of her apartment as she greeted him.

Her hair was falling down on her shoulders in soft, long curls, and she was wearing a simple black dress – or at least it _looked_ simple at first glance.

It was a sleeveless garment with a black lace overlay. The dress accentuated her frame, as it was cinched at the waist, and the skirt – which ended midway down her thigh – was flared outward and flowed gracefully and freely as she walked over the threshold of her apartment and greeted him shyly as she turned her back to him briefly and she locked the door to her apartment.

Killian didn’t hear her as he was still taking in her ensemble, letting his eyes rove over her lithe frame, down to the grey converse sneakers she wore on her feet. It made him smile that even if she changed the way she dressed, even a small part of her would always be the same girl he’d always known.

“Wow, you look very beautiful.” He managed to say as his eyes finally met hers, and he noticed the pink shade that appeared on her cheeks.

“Thanks.” She smiled shyly at him and started to shift nervously. “It’s too much isn’t it? I’ll go change.” Emma told him as she was about to insert her key back into the lock, but Killian’s hand stopped her before she could.

“No, it’s perfect. You look lovely.” He reassured her with a genuine smile.

They finally got out of her building and both decided to walk to his friend’s place, and they spent their time talking about their week. Killian noticed the change in her behaviour; she seemed more at ease after their movie night, less tense and he noticed that she tended to smile more easily than before, which made him smile knowing that they were making progress.

Before arriving at David’s house, they made a stop so they could buy some beer before getting there. They walked on the pathway that led them to the front door, and Killian pressed on the doorbell as they both waited for someone to open the door.

The door swung open and they were welcomed by his friend’s wife, short-haired brunette.

“Killian!” She greeted him with a big smile as she pulled him in for a warm hug. “It’s been such a long time.”

“Last time was New Year’s if I’m not mistaken.”

“Yes, I think you’re right. So who’s your friend?” She asked him, as she turned around towards Emma with a smile.

“Emma.” She simply said as she introduced herself with a small smile, clearly feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden.

“I’m Mary Margaret, David’s wife.” She told Emma as she led them inside the house and told them that they could put their beer in the kitchen.

Emma followed Killian to the kitchen as he went to put the beer in the fridge. He offered her a beer, and she instantly uncapped her bottle as he mirrored her action before they both took a sip of their drinks.

They then went to the living room where the party seemed to be in full swing. People were standing in every corner of the room, drinks in hand as music played in the background.

Killian knew most of the people there, mainly old college friends that he rarely kept contact with. He walked towards his fair-haired friend and presented Emma to his close friends.

Emma slowly got more comfortable as the evening progressed, leaving her shyness behind, the alcohol probably helping in that respect. She seemed to get along well with Mary Margaret, which wasn’t difficult since the pixie-haired brunette knew how to make people comfortable. At one point, he overheard Mary Margaret invite Emma to go have some brunch with her _one of these days_ , to which Emma agreed, surprisingly. Killian felt pleased seeing Emma laugh and enjoy herself.

Suddenly, he heard some people cheering and he heard a familiar voice greeting everyone quite loudly from the other side of the room. He turned around and saw his old college roommate sauntering around the living room.

“Robin!” Killian blurted out as he walked towards his old friend, to which his friend reciprocated as they hugged each other tightly.

“It’s been a long time, mate. When did you come back from London?”

“I came back last night, actually. I texted David telling him I’d arrived and he told me he was having a party tonight. So, here I am.”

“Well, it’s a good to see you again.” He told him as he patted him on the back.

“You too, mate. So, where’s Milah?” His friend asked as he looked around him, and Killian felt himself freeze hearing her name, and realizing that Robin wasn’t around when the unfortunate event occurred and wondered how he didn’t know about it.

_Didn’t someone tell him?_

Killian inhaled a shaky breath as he tried to figure a way out of here, not wanting to tell the story for the second time that week. Once was enough. Just when he was about to open his mouth, and reluctantly relate Milah’s tragic story, he felt a soft small hand on his bicep, and felt his muscle squeeze under its pressure.

He turned his head towards the person touching him, and saw Emma standing next to him with a concerned look and a soft smile.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” She asked him, to which he responded with a nod. She tugged on his arm, and dragged him outside onto the patio. They both stood silently and Killian started to wonder if she really needed to talk with him, since she didn’t seem in a hurry to say anything.

“What did you want to talk about?” He finally asked her.

“Nothing. I just— I overheard your friend ask you about her and thought that maybe you wanted to avoid talking about it again. I know I wouldn’t want to retell the story.” Killian felt his heart swell seeing what she’d just done for him, as if she understood all too well the way he was feeling.

“Thank you,” He said to her softly, to which she responded with a smile. “Do you mind if we stay here for a little while?” She shook her head and they both decided to sit down on one of the small steps that led to the green yard.

They sat in silence, as they heard the muffled sounds that came from the house where people were still partying. After a while, Killian heard Emma take a sharp intake of breath before she started to speak.

“Isabelle passed away when I was fourteen.” She paused as she kept looking in front of her as he turned his head to look at her, surprised with what she just told him.

_That’s why she deflected the subject of her parents._

“She was diagnosed with cancer and it quickly spread throughout her body. She went through a lot of treatments, and the only thing I could do was to make her last months as comfortable as I could. She was in constant pain, and it hurt seeing this vibrant, loving woman in such a state. Needless to say, I was devastated when she died.” Emma paused, and he saw her take in a shaky breath, her eyes watering as she tried to keep in her tears.

“I’m sorry,” He said to her, not sure what to say to her exactly. He figured that there was nothing to say, and instead scooted himself closer to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He felt her sigh, and he suddenly hated himself for not being there for her, regretting never coming to see her more than ever.

“Well, you at least had Clifford.” He felt her body stiffen at the mention of her foster father and he couldn’t help himself but think that something happened with him.

She simply nodded, and Killian knew that she just wasn’t ready for to share that piece of the story with him yet. They stayed like that for a moment, before he asked her if she wanted to go home, to which she said yes.

They went to say goodbye to his friends before they both walked towards her place as he insisted on walking her back home. She tried to convince him not to, saying she was used to coming home late at night all alone after work. Finally arriving at her building, they both stood awkwardly in front of her apartment.

“Thanks for inviting me tonight, I had fun, for once.” She told him with a small laugh, to which he responded with one of his.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you soon I guess?”

“Of course, whenever you want.” He told her, knowing that it was best for her to take the lead on when they were going to see each other again.

“Goodnight, Emma.” He leaned in for a hug before he realised what he was doing, but fortunately she responded to his move and she hugged him back.

He didn’t know how long they stood there in each other’s arms, but neither of them seemed to want to let go. He felt good with her in his arms, as if he could finally soothe her from all the pain he couldn’t appease all those years ago, and felt like he could finally protect her from any harm.

They managed finally to untangle themselves from one another, and she told him a soft ‘goodnight’ before disappearing in the darkness of her apartment. He stood there, looking at her door before finally moving his feet, and walked back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the small delay, I apparently had a social life in the past two weeks so I've been quite busy, and when I finally had time to write, well I was to tired to write! I finally managed to pull through with this chapter and I really hope you like it! Feedback is always welcome and encouraged since it helps me to write the story!
> 
> This chapter wouldn't be possible without the help of my beta, oncertwice.
> 
> My PM is always open for those who want to stop by and drop me message, or you can drop by in my inbox on tumblr killians-dashingrescue
> 
> See you soon lovelies!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> Yay another chapter! So this one isn’t as long as the others but I do hope you’ll like it!
> 
> This chapter have both of their POV, starting with Emma, Killian’s start with the italics, and italics=dream.
> 
> Enough of me rambling, read the thing and tell me what you think.. or not!
> 
> Thank you Nicki, oncertwice for being the amazing, beautiful, and wonderful beta that you are!
> 
> Read and enjoy!

Since the party, Emma and Killian had been seeing more of each other. Wednesdays were movie night at his place, and she would never admit it to him but she looked forward to that night every week. They had the same routine they had when they were younger: watch movies and eat pizza, but instead of soda they were now drinking beer.

Despite the fact that they were now closer than they were a month ago, especially after sharing the loss of people they both loved, she still felt like she couldn’t, or more like she didn't _want_ to open herself up to him fully. The emotional scar that her adoptive father and Neal left never quite healed and she was still scared, actually terrified that he will leave her again. She believed him when he told her that he felt bad for not keeping his promise, but that it wasn’t on purpose but she couldn’t shake this feeling that he did it once, and he’ll do it again.

But for now, things were good and Emma felt like she had somewhat recovered some of the happiness she felt in his company, and she told herself to cherish it until things crumbled, because they would, as always.

It was Wednesday, and she was quite happy that she’d get to see Killian later that day. She got out of bed with smile as she was looking forward to her day as she went into the kitchen where her roommate had already claimed her spot at the kitchen counter.

She walked over the fridge as she greeted Ruby, and took out the jug of orange juice and dropped it on the counter next to the brunette as she grabbed a clean glass that was lying on the dish rack.

“You look like you’re in a good mood this morning. What’s up with that?” Asked her roommate taking a big bite of her cereal, making a loud crunching sound.

She put away the orange juice and turned over her friend, taking her glass in her hands taking a sip of its contents as she shrugged.

“I don’t know, I have the day off.” Emma answered simply as she took two slices of bread and inserted them into the toaster.

“Oh, wait! It’s Wednesday.” Ruby turned around on her seat to look at Emma, who was walking through the kitchen, grabbing the things she needed to make her breakfast.

“Yeah, so?”

“You’re seeing your boyfriend tonight! That means you’re going to get laid.” The brunette said with eyebrows raised and a big smile on her face.

Ruby’s comment made Emma drop the knife she was holding to the floor. She was completely unprepared for that comment.

“ _What_? No! He isn’t my boyfriend, and we’re not having sex! We’re just friends.” She explained, her voice going unexpectedly higher than usual.

Ruby looked at her with eyes that clearly told her that she didn’t believe her.

“Oh really, it that why you get all giddy every time he comes to the bar to see you? I mean, you can keep your eyes off of him when he’s there, and every Wednesday you wake up in an extremely good mood. And one thing I have known about you over the past year is that you are _not_ a morning person.” She explained to the blonde as she was pointing her spoon towards her.

Emma felt stunned by her observations, and she didn’t know what to answer, which made her stutter as she tried to justify her change in mood.

“Firstly, you’re delusional. And secondly, I don’t get _giddy_ when he comes and see me. _He’s just a friend._ And always will be.” She firmly said as she tried to go back to her previous task, making herself breakfast, hoping her friend would drop the subject.

Of course, she did not.

“Okay, whatever, he’s your friend. Aren’t you interested in more? I mean he clearly makes you happy and you can’t deny that he’s gorgeous; I mean the man is sex on legs. I bet he’s _amazing_ in bed.”

Emma huffed in annoyance as she finished spreading a good amount of peanut butter on her toast and grabbed her plate.

“No, I’m not interested in more. Now can you drop the subject, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Fine. I’m just saying that—” Emma interrupted her before she could say anything else, telling her firmly once again to drop the subject.

Not wanting to eat her breakfast with Ruby after their little chat, she went to eat her peanut butter toast in her room as she opened her laptop and went on Netflix. As she sat on her bed, legs crossed her plate resting in the middle, Ruby’s words started to subtly invade her thoughts.

-/-

The evening arrived and Emma was now leaving her apartment, heading towards Killian’s place. She was more than happy to leave, as she spent her day avoiding Ruby, and was even happier when Ruby knocked on her door, telling her she was going to her boyfriend Victor’s place.

As she walked the familiar path that lead towards her friend’s apartment, she couldn’t help feeling a wave of nervousness twist in her stomach. And she wondered why she suddenly felt this anxious. She hadn’t felt this way ever since she went to his place the first time, the feeling dissipating when she finally decided to mend their friendship.

She arrived at his place a couple of minutes later with a six pack of beer that she bought on her way over, and she realised that her palms were slightly sweaty. She rubbed her free hand on the side of her thigh, wiping the nervous sweat on her jeans.

Emma took in a deep breath, still confused as to why she was reacting this way and managed to give three little knocks on his door, waiting for him to open it. When Killian opened the door with a huge grin and greeted her, she felt her stomach flutter as if suddenly butterflies were now flying within. She managed to smile awkwardly and follow him into his place, as she noticed that her cheeks were burning.

When he offered her one of her beers she took it gladly, hoping it would numb some of the anxiousness. It worked, for a while, and Emma felt relieved when she regained some of her normal behaviour has they waited for their pizza, sitting on his couch, catching up on what happened during the past week.

The unwelcome uneasiness seeped its way back when they got up from the couch so he could go pay the pizza guy, and Emma got up to get the plates, his hand resting on the small of her back, as they moved towards the kitchen. The contact of his hand on her felt as if he was burning her with his touch, and she seriously started to question her sanity.

She tried to shake the feeling off, concentrating on eating her pepperoni pizza, her eyes fixated on his TV screen as they watched _Jumanji_. It worked for a brief moment, until she realised that she was extremely aware of his whole body next to her, his scent, the way he breathed in a steady pace.

The evening eventually came to an end and she was glad that it was finally over, but at the same time she didn’t want to leave, _ever_. After helping him tidy up his living room, he accompanied her to his door to bid her goodbye. As usual, he leaned in for a hug, but unlike the other times, she feels all of his body on hers, sending her little electric shocks through her spine, making her blood boil all throughout her body.

When they broke the hug, she realised that her cheeks were once again red, and that the butterflies are back. She managed to smile and voice a small ‘ _goodnight_ ’ before making her way out of his apartment.

Emma stood in his hallway for a bit, wondering what the hell that was, and suddenly cursed Ruby for being so damned perceptive.

 _Fuck_ , she realised that she may have feelings for him after all _._

-/-

_His eyes were closed as he felt a warm body molding to his beneath him as he kissed a soft pair of lips. His hands were exploring the perfect, small body, relishing the womanly curves as he deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side as he parted his lips so he could explore Milah’s soft and warm mouth._

_He became more and more aroused as he felt the small hands caressing his back. He rolled his hips down, earning himself a moan from the woman beneath him as her legs wrapped around his waist for more._

_Something about that moan didn’t sound right, he thought, it didn’t sound like her. Killian moved his hips once more, and when she moaned into his mouth he realised that it_ definitely _wasn’t her._

_Opening his eyes to see who it was, he was stunned when he met green eyes instead of blue ones, and saw blonde hair spread around the pillows like halo instead of brown hair._

_Beneath him was Emma, looking at him with hooded eyes and a small smirk on her lips as she grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him down for another searing kiss. Despite his surprise he found that he actually enjoyed having her like this and let himself indulge his carnal pleasures with her._

-/-

Killian woke up Wednesday morning, slightly confused as his heart beat faster than it usually did this early in the morning. He sat at the edge of his bed as he turned off the annoying sound coming out of his alarm clock and furrowed his eyebrows as one hand swiped through his dark hair.

He still couldn’t believe he dreamt about Emma, and particularly in those types of dream where he usually dreamt about his lost love, Milah. He quickly reasoned that it was because he was spending more time with Emma and that it has been a long time since he has been intimate with a woman.

Shaking his head from side to side, he blamed his dream on the latter. Deciding to go on with his day as usual, he got up from his bed and went to take a shower before heading to work.

Half way through his workday, Killian couldn’t deny that Emma appearing in one of those dreams wasn’t nothing. He kept having vivid images of the dream coming back to haunt him, her splayed on her back as he pinned her to the mattress, writhing as she came undone.

His body warmed up just remembering it, and he felt his blood run south. He cursed inwardly, feeling guilty for having such improper thoughts about a girl, actually a _woman_ , that he used to take care of as a child and that he, at a certain length, felt like it was still his duty to take care of.

He wasn’t blind, he had noticed that she had grown into a beautiful and gorgeous woman. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty for thinking about her that way.

Deciding to bury himself in his work, he managed to finish his day without thinking about it too much.

After work, he stopped by the video store to rent a movie for his movie night with Emma. Walking back home, he started to wonder how he was going to get through the evening with her next to him without reliving in his head some parts of his dream.

Shortly after he arrived home, and traded his work suit for a pair of jeans and V-neck shirt. There were three little knocks on his door that told him that Emma had arrived.

Killian felt nervous all of a sudden and walked towards the door as he took a deep breath before reaching for the knob. His breath caught in his throat when he saw her, realising that she was more beautiful that he had made her in his dream and couldn’t help the huge smile that appeared on his face when he saw her.

He invited her in as he took the pack of beer she had brought and went to store it in his fridge before handing her a bottle and taking one for himself. Maybe the alcohol would settle some his nerves. It did.

They ordered their usual, a pepperoni pizza and they both went to sit on his couch as they catch up on their week. As they talked, Killian couldn’t help his eyes to roam subtly on her body when she wasn’t watching. Her long, elegant neck, her small delicate hands, the neckline of her shirt revealing the soft skin of her breasts, and those long, creamy legs that she was exposing with those shorts she decided to wear.

Killian gulped when he couldn’t deny the desire that had raised within him that was caused by her mere presence. Finally the food arrived and Emma helped him settle the coffee table so they could start watching their movie.

As they watched the movie, they fell back in the comfortable little cocoon they had during those nights, making silly comments, laughing and remembering some of the good memories about their childhood together.

He started to wonder if maybe the sudden lust he had for her may be hiding something more underneath it all, feelings that he hadn’t felt for a very long time, since Milah. As he saw her laugh freely at one scene in the movie, her eyes crinkling and shining, he realised that maybe after all, he might like her more than he should like a friend.

And as he hugged her before she left, wrapping her in his arms, taking in the unique scent that was hers, he knew that he did like her.

More than a friend.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a new chapter! Please don't hate me for how Emma will act in this chapter!
> 
> This chapter deserves its first M rating for some smutty solo time.
> 
> Thanks to the lovely Nicki for betaing, and help me get started with this chapter!
> 
> Read and enjoy!!

After the movie night, Emma went back home startled with the realisation of her extensive feelings for Killian. She knew that she had a great affection for him, just as she always had, but this, _this_ is different. The butterflies, the blushing, the wanting is something that was never there before. Emma knew that he was attractive when she saw him that night at her bar, but never thought much more of it.

But tonight, it was different, her eyes kept roaming over to him, the line of his strong jaw covered with dark facial hair, the way he can’t seem to have any control over his tongue, always poking inside of his cheek or caressing his bottom lip after he had bitten his lip. The way the muscles of his arms would flex when he picked up something, the way his smile would make her feel all giddy inside and his eyes, those blue eyes burning right through her when he looked her with such a happy and genuine look.

Emma let herself fall on her bed the moment she entered her room, sprawled on her back, arms stretched out at either side of her body, eyes fixated on her ceiling as she kept reliving the last few hours in her head. The more she thought about him – the way he made her feel not just tonight but in the past few weeks, she couldn’t help the small smile that appeared at the corner of her mouth before she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

She woke up the next morning with an ache between her legs. Sitting up on her bed, she tried remembering what she might have dreamt during the night. Flash of dark hair buried between her thighs, her back arched has she tried to chase this sweet release. A pair of familiar blue eyes looking up to her with a smirk on his face as he started to kiss his way up towards her, feeling his chest hair brush her sensitive skin, as his arousal pressed on her stomach and his face leaned in for a kiss.

No wonder she woke up so turned on this morning; she shook her head as she tried to get rid of those erotic images that kept seeping through her head. She got up from her bed and grabbed her robe before walking towards the bathroom. A cold shower will help her regain some of her senses.

Stepping in the shower, she turns on the water and tests it before letting the water run over her body. Emma tries very hard to keep Killian out of her head while she cleans herself, but the task proves nearly impossible as the images of her dream keeps resurging, and without realising she leans her back on the cold tiles on the wall of her shower, her hand slowly crawling down her stomach, until her fingers delicately brush the sensitive spot between her legs, the action making her gasp when she realises that she is soaked.

Her fingers are now still, as she hesitates on whether to continue to pleasure herself and relieve herself from the tension that has been building up in her body throughout the night, or to just ignore it and keep on with her day. Feeling the desperation within her, and knowing that if she doesn’t do something about it now, the ache will not leave her alone all day. When an image of Killian towering above her, his teeth nipping at her neck, her fingers makes the decision for her as they start drawing small circle on her bundle of nerves, her other hand gripping one of her breast, a sigh leave her lips, finally succumbing to her need.

Biting her lip hard to keep herself from moaning loudly, she inserts two fingers as she nears her climax, picturing Killian doing sinful things to her, thrusting in a steady pace inside of her, hands caressing the most sensitive spots, and his head buried in her neck.

Emma feels her skin burning under the stream of water as she feels herself being crushed by her orgasm, her legs trembling lightly, her hand stilling on the apex of thighs as she tries to regain some of her senses. She finally manages to straighten herself up and resume her original task, cleaning herself, now determined to keep _him_ out of her thoughts now that her needs have been met.

Finally out of the shower with no further incidents, she wraps her towel around her before heading back her bedroom to get herself dressed up. After putting on a pair of jeans and tank top she goes into the kitchen to make herself some breakfast.

Soon realising that despite what she is doing, the British bastard keeps invading her thoughts, Emma decides after she finished eating that she needs to occupy herself until she leaves for work.

She goes to get her purse and pulls out her iPod and goes to deposit it on the dock connected to her stereo system in her living room. Searching for the perfect music, she scrolls down until she reaches the band she was searching for and pushes in the center button of her old iPod and her living room is filled with the song _Kool Thing_ from Sonic Youth.

Emma heads towards the closet near the her pantry and takes out the cleaning products she’ll need to clean up her apartment, takes out a duster and her vacuum and proceeds the lose herself in the sound of the rock music and in cleaning the mess that is her place.

After spending the most part of the afternoon making the furniture shine and clearing the dust of every surface, she uses the vacuum to clean her floor and proceeds to mop the floor before putting back everything in their original place.

She looks at the time on the clock of the oven and noticed that it was soon time for her to leave for work. Putting away all of the things she used to clean, she then went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and brush her hair. Deciding to pull her hair back in a ponytail, Emma applies some foundation and grabs the small tube of mascara and applies a small amount on her eyelashes. Looking herself in the mirror she decided that her sober look was perfect, sexy enough for her to gain some tips, but not enough for her to get herself harass by annoying male clients. Heading back to her room, she grabs her phone and her purse and leaves for work.

Emma arrives at work a bit early and decides to go sit at the bar where Ruby is already working, and asks her roommate for a glass of water. The brunette pours her a glass, and gives it to her as she deposits it on the coaster before she goes to tend to some new customers. She settles herself in front of Emma as she prepares the drinks.

“So how was your night with your ‘not boyfriend?’” She asked her before turning back around towards the guys who ordered their drinks and gave to them. During that time Emma rolled her eyes at her friend comment, and took a sip of her water.

“Would you stop with that?” She finally said to her roommate when she stood in front of her, hands flat on the counter as she cocked one of eyebrows silently asking her what she meant.

“You know what I mean.” Emma glared at her, which made her friend chuckle as she took a wet cloth and started cleaning the counter.

“Fine, how was your night then?”

“Okay.” Emma simply answered and she could feel her cheeks getting warmer and she hoped that under the dim light, Ruby won’t notice that she was blushing. But of course she did, she doesn’t miss a thing.

“Are you blushing?”

“No, I’m not!” She responded defensively, trying to ignore the matter as she took another huge sip of her glass of water.

“Yes you are! What happened?” The brunette asked her as she leaned forward as if she was expecting some big gossip.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” It was truth; nothing out of the ordinary really happened last night, the only thing that happened was Emma’s recognition of her feelings for him.

“So why are blushing then?” Ruby asked with a confused look on her face and Emma didn’t what to answer her.

“Well it’s all your fault!” Emma finally managed to say with an accusing finger pointed at her friend.

“ _My_ fault?”

“Yes! If you hadn’t talked about how happy I seemed to be with him, and how I should maybe give him a chance for more, I wouldn’t had spent the night acting like a teenage girl with a crush!” Emma blurted out, Ruby’s eyes widening at her revelation before she started to laugh. She glared at her friend which made her laugh more.

“I’m sorry, it’s just I can’t imagine you acting like a teenager with a crush. I mean you always have this cold façade!” She explained as she tried to get her giggles under control which made Emma more irritated. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, a way of blocking herself from the brunette’s reaction, and sighed in exasperation. When the barmaid finally managed to regain control of herself, she apologized once more, this time more sincerely seeing the annoyed face Emma had.

“Okay so you finally admit you like him?” She asked her the blonde in a more serious tone.

“No thanks to you.” Emma huffed.

“Is it such a bad thing to have feelings for him? I mean, he is clearly very attracted to you, too.”

“I don’t know about that and I really don’t want to have those feelings for him.”

“Why not? Aren’t you curious to see where this could lead you?”

“No, because I’ll just end up heartbroken and alone. I’d rather stay alone and avoid the heartbreak.”

“You don’t know that. I mean maybe you’ll be missing something amazing, and you’ll never know if you don’t give him a chance.”

Emma stayed on her seat, immobile, her eyes fixed on her glass of water as she let what her friend was telling her sink in. Knowing that she might be right, she also reminded herself that no matter what the good moments always ended up in pain and heartbreak.

Her parents didn’t want to keep her so they left her on the side of the road, nobody wanted her until the Fletchers and then Isabelle died and Clifford got rid of her. When she met Neal she thought she finally found somebody who would love her unconditionally and he ended up abandoning her. And Killian left her and never looked back all those years ago.

Why would it be any different now? They were getting along, _for now_. What if he started dating her and got bored after a while, and he will, he’ll just leave her again without an ounce of regret. No. She was better off alone, despite the feelings she had for him. She couldn’t afford herself to get her hopes up just to get them crushed once again.

Emma shook her head as he answer to her friend and to herself.

No. She can’t give him a chance.

“I can’t afford to get hurt. I don’t think I’ll be able to go through it again.” Her voice was small and broken, and she wondered if Ruby even heard what she had said but she didn’t care.

She got up from the stool and went in the back to get herself ready for her shift.

-/-

The day following their movie night, Killian couldn’t stop thinking and dreaming about her. She was haunting his thoughts at all moments of the day and night and he kept thinking he’d go crazy if he waited until next Wednesday to see her again.

It was Friday night and Killian was sprawled on his couch holding the TV remote loosely in his hands as he kept zapping through the channels, not knowing what to watch. As usual, Emma was in his thoughts and he was hesitating on staying at home doing, well absolutely nothing, or maybe pay a surprise visit to Emma at work.

He knew it was Friday, and that it must be a busy night, but deciding that he couldn’t just stay at home and torture himself with his thoughts and anything will be better than that, even if it was sitting at bar sipping his drink as he looked at her.

Shutting the television off, he got out from his couch in a decisive manner and went to grab his leather jacket and keys as he left his small apartment and walked towards her bar.

Finally arriving to his destination, Killian lingered in front of the entrance door, wondering if she would be pleased to see him and felt a pang of nervousness course through him at the thought of seeing her. He laughed at himself for being so anxious, it wasn’t the first time he was visiting her at work. Well it was the first time he did being fully aware of how he felt about her though.

Taking a deep breath to help him gain some courage, he opened the wooden door and entered the dimly-lit pub and his feet instantly followed the path to her side of the bar, where he spotted a free stool at the end of it. He felt his heart leap inside his chest when he saw her standing behind her counter in those jeans shorts she loved so much to wear, exposing her long legs.

He sat down and waved at Emma when she glanced in his direction as she sensed she had a new client. She cast him a quick smile with her shaker in hand as she waved her arms up and down. She then poured the drink she mixed into a fancy glass, adding a white straw and a lime and lemon before handing it towards the red haired women in front of her.

After cashing in the money and giving her back her change, Emma walked towards him with a tight smile, which made Killian wonder if it was the right thing to come and see her.

“Hey.” She greeted him without her usual enthusiasm, which made him feel nervous and instantly regretful of his decision.

“Hey!” He answered her as he tried to hide the insecurity that had bubbled inside of him.

“What are you doing here?” He could see her glance back at the counter as she watched for a sign of a needy customer, and she kept shifting on her feet as if she was impatient.

“I…uh, well, I wanted to get out of my place for a bit and thought I could stop by and say hi.” She still wasn’t looking at him and she nodded absently to what he was saying. Without turning her head towards him she told him she had a new client and she’ll be back in a minute.

It was clearly a mistake of coming here and he kept wondering why she was being so cold to him all of a sudden. He kept rationalizing that she was just busy and that she didn’t have time to chat.

Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed and she was still attending her the people sitting at the bar. Sighing in defeat, he got up deciding it was best to leave. As he walked alongside of the bar, he peeked at her in hopes of catching her eye and at least wave goodbye. When she didn’t look his way, Killian decided it was just best to go back home and maybe open a bottle of rum and forget this night. Which is exactly what he did.

-/-

Emma felt guilty for acting like a cold bitch with Killian the night before. If she was honest with herself, she was happy to see him appear at her job and would have leaped in his arms if she hadn’t reminded herself that it was probably not the best idea.

She had decided after her talk with Ruby, to see him less. Maybe it will help her forget those feelings he stirred deep within her, and that she could afterwards see him again without those compromising emotions. She knew she was fooling herself but she couldn’t bear the thought of cutting him out of her life, for now that was.

For the past twenty minutes she had been fiddling with her phone, and kept pressing on Killian’s name to send him a text message, seeking forgiveness for her rudeness, but couldn’t muster the courage to do it.

Groaning loudly she tossed her phone furiously on her bed and decided to go run which will help her sort her thoughts out, as she was clearly confused on what to do. Exchanging her pyjama shorts and her sleeping camisole for a pair of leggings and tank top, she went to grab her running shoes and ran down the stairs and onto the sidewalk. Not knowing where to go, she decided to let her feet run free and stop when she’ll feel the need to stop.

Without noticing it, her feet had led her to his place and she stood in front of his building, staring at his window wondering if she should stop by, her heart and mind battling with each other. She did really wanted to see him but she knew that it would defeat the purpose of keeping him at length and that it would just feed the emotions that she had been feeling, emotions that she didn’t want to deal with. Her mind won the fight, and she walked back to her place feeling more depressed that she had felt back at home.

The next couple hours were hard for her as she lived the same struggle, her fingers hovering over his name on her phone, as she kept peeking at the door at the bar in hopes that he would come back to see her.

Their weekly movie night arrived and she still hadn’t gotten any news and she wondered if he was mad at her or disappointed in her since he hadn’t reached out since Friday, which was very unusual for him. Maybe he got her non-verbal message despite the fact that she wished he didn’t. When he did finally reached out, it took all of her strength to cancel their night telling him she unfortunately had to work tonight, which was a lie.

Emma let herself fall on her bed, letting a tear fall down her cheek as she kept reminding herself it was for the best. She was hurting now, but this would be less painful compared to what she’d feel if she invested herself in a more serious relationship. He _will_ leave her again, because they always did.

The next night, she went to work exhausted since she wasn’t able to close her eyes all night, and when she did it was because she cried herself to sleep still trying to convince herself from the apparently good decision she was making.

Her eyes were puffy and had dark circles under them, and no matter how much concealer she applied it still showed. She really hoped that people wouldn’t notice it under the soft lights of the pub.

The night started as any other night, happy hour was busy, but the place emptied after ten o’clock when it started to rain heavily. Her back was to the bar as she refilled the hard liquor on the shelves when she heard the wooden stool brush the floor. Emma took a deep breath as she got herself ready to take the order of the new customer, but felt her body freeze, her eyes widening and her mouth dropping open when she saw who was sitting in front of her.

 _Neal_.

 


	7. Chapter 7

_What the fuck was he doing here?_

That was the only thing that came to Emma’s mind as she stood in front of the brown-haired man in front of her. He looked as surprised as her to see her there, his mouth agape as they both stared at each other, neither daring to speak first.

Emma gathered her senses before he did and walked forward, her hand slapping him hard on the cheek, her hand instantly burning after the impact on his flesh.

He held his hand to his cheek, furrowing his brows as he glared at her. She saw in the corner of her eye Ruby rushing towards her as they started to finally ‘talk’ to each other.

“What the fuck was that for?”

“For sending me to jail, you asshole!” Emma blurted out furiously as she rushed forward with her finger pointing at him. She felt Ruby grab her arms so she could hold her and prevent her from hitting him again. Feeling her body trembling with rage and sadness, she let her friend pull her back as she tried to regain some control over her breathing.

“Emma, what are you doing slapping a customer like that? You could get if Regina hears about this.” Whispered Ruby, her hands still holding Emma, clearly afraid that she’d jump once more on Neal.

“I don’t care if I do, that jerk deserves it.” Emma spat out as she glared at him as he kept rubbing his cheek.

“Look, it’s not busy, I’ll cover for you for a bit. Go get some air and calm down, okay?” Ruby asked her concerned, her hand carefully stroking her upper arm. She turned her eyes to her roommate and saw the pleading look she was casting her, and sighed defeated and nodded before going to get some air.

She marched towards the wooden door in a fast pace, knowing that if she took her time, it will give her too much time to think and she’d go back and slap him.

The fresh air and light rain falling on her uncovered skin was what she needed to calm herself. She tilted her head upwards as she closed her eyes, letting the small cold drops trail down her skin as she took a deep breath.

It was calm outside of the bar, there weren’t that many cars passing by, and not to many people dared to go out on the rain except the smokers that went to grab a drink.

She suddenly heard the door open as the music from the bar made its way through to outside for a brief moment, until the sound of it almost died down when the doors closed. Footsteps on the wet cement and approach her, followed by a sigh.

“Can we talk, or should I expect you to hit me some more?” Neal asked her a few feet from her.

“Can’t promise I won’t.” Emma responded to him in a firm and cold voice as she turned around to face him, arms crossed in front of her chest.

“Fine. Can we go inside or away from the rain?”

Without giving him a proper response, Emma walked over next to the door, where there was a small part of the roof that would shelter them from the rain. Neal followed her, and went to stand in front of her, visibly trying to figure out what to tell her.

“Look, Emma, I’m sorry.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say for framing me and sending me to jail?”

“It’s not like I wanted to! I didn’t have a choice!” He voiced out his eyes pleading her to listen to him, to believe him.

“Yes you did. You could’ve taken the blame yourself for the watches that _you_ stole, not me, _YOU_!” She emphasized the last word pointing her finger at him and poking him hard in the chest, the action making him stumble backwards.

“Emma—”

“NO! You know what? I’ve spent the last 4 years asking myself why you would a man that claimed to love me would do that to me. I loved you Neal, so much.” Her voice started wavering at this statement, her eyes watering reliving these intense emotions and the emotional scars that were still there. “Even though I was locked up in a cell, I was hurting more knowing that you, the man I loved, sent me there. You abandoned me and sold me out, so no matter what you say to me, it won’t change the fact that you are a coward, now I know what type of man you are.” Emma managed to say after regaining some control over the timbre of her voice.

She turned around and went for the door when she heard Neal calling her but she stopped him before he could say anything else. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

With that said, Emma went back to work, her heartbeat extremely fast against her ribcage as she felt a huge weight being lifted from her, as if she was finally managing to have some sort of closure.

Neal didn’t come back to the bar, she figured that he felt guilty, well she hoped, and just left. The rest of the night went by in a haze, going through the motions as if it was a dream as she tried to forget the awful feeling of being abandoned and forgotten.

It was almost midnight, and another glass slipped from Emma’s hand, now being the fifth glass she had broken since she came back from her break outside. She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder as she bent down picking up the big pieces of broken glass lying on the floor.

“Emma—”

“What?” She moved her shoulder abruptly as she snapped at her co-worker. Ruby removed her hand and continued to say what she wanted to say.

“It’s pretty slow right now, go home, I’ll close the pub.”

Emma got up with few pieces of the shattered glass, carefully managing it so she wouldn’t cut herself.

“Look, Ruby, I’m fine­—”

“No, Emma, you’re not! I don’t know what happened tonight, but you are clearly still not over it.”

They both stood in silence as she wondered if she should go back home or stay. On one side, staying at work was keeping her mind off the matter, but on the other side every little request from clients were making her irritated. Maybe Ruby was right, she should go back home and maybe sleep it off.

“Fine, I’ll go.” She answered, defeated, as she finished cleaning her mess before going to the back to grab her things and leave.

She thanked her roommate on the way out, and stumble outside and stood in front of the building when she saw that it was now raining pretty hard and realising that she didn’t had an umbrella with her.

Deciding that she actually didn’t care, she started walking under the rain, her clothes and hair plastered on her skin. She didn’t know how long she walked, but it was somewhat peaceful. At this time of night, there was almost nobody on the streets except for the few cars passing by making the water splash on the street. She felt as if the rain was washing away all of her previous doubts, insecurities and issues.

Without even noticing it, her feet led her to Killian’s building. She stood in front of it, her eyes fixed on the door as the rain kept pouring heavily on her wet skin and clothes. Her hand was on the strap of her purse, and felt her hold tightened as she wondered if she should go in and see him. She did miss him, and after what happened tonight, she missed having a friend to whom to talk to, to comfort her.

Even though it was late, she decided to go and buzz in before she could think further of what she was doing. When she heard the faint ringtone, she realised what she was doing and was about to turn around and just go home when a click was heard over the intercom and her heard the voice that she missed so much.

“Hello?” Upon hearing his voice, she felt her breath itch and her stomach flutter, as she tried to respond to his simple question.

“It’s me.” There was a moment of silence before the buzz and the green light on the door appeared as he apparently decided to let her in despite the late hour.

Emma was shifting nervously in the elevator as she started to ask herself what the hell she was doing. It was past midnight, and she was about to go this apartment after she told herself she was going to distance herself from him.

She walked down the small hall, her heart beating faster and faster as she approached his door. She knocked only once and the door opened, Killian standing on the other side with what seemed to be his pyjama bottoms and a used grey t-shirt.

“You’re soaked, you must be freezing!” Exclaimed Killian as he went to the side of the doorframe with a concerned face as he let her in. She realised that he was right, her teeth were clattering, and her limbs were shaking uncontrollably and she wouldn’t be surprise if her lips were a light shade of blue.

Emma heard the door close and Killian making his way to stand in front of her, his hands on her arms, as he moved them up and down in attempt to warm her.

“What are you doing here?”

She honestly asked herself the same question.

“I don’t know.” She answered him as her teeth clattered.

“Come, I’ll pour you a nice hot bath.” His hand went to the small of her back as he led her to his bathroom.

-/-

Killian wasn’t surprised when Emma cancelled their movie night, even though it hurt. He knew now for sure that she was avoiding him, and he was afraid that she’ll want stop seeing altogether.

He had been spending this rainy evening in his small apartment, watching TV and feeling depressed. Imagine his surprise when he heard the phone emit that special ring when someone is calling from downstairs, after midnight. When he heard Emma’s voice on the other side of the line, he stood frozen wondering if he started to hallucinate things. After a moment he pressed on the button that would let her in the building.

Pacing around his place, he wondered what made her come to his place at this time of night and under this weather, when for the past week and a half she has been avoiding to call him and see him.

He was shocked when he saw her standing there, her clothes glued to her skin, her beautiful blond hair had strands sticking to her face, her mascara running down under her eyes and her lips were not their usual red pinkish color but were now a bluish kind of tone.

Killian was looking through his drawer for some warm clothes he could lend her while she was taking a hot bath to help her regain some of her usual colors. He found an old pair of sweatpants from college with it’s insignia one the left side of the leg, and an old royal blue t-shirt. He walked towards the bathroom door, and knocked and waited for an answer.

“Yes?”

“I brought you some dry clothes you could wear after. I can close my eyes and just drop it on the counter.”

“Okay.”

His hand already on the handle, he turned it so he could open the door and with the hand holding the clothes he leaned forward and closed his eyes, trying to locate his counter on his right. When he did, he deposited the clothes there and retreated back.

Ten minutes later, the bathroom door creaked and Emma appeared from the other side of it, now wearing the clothes he had lend her, and holding in one hand her wet clothes. Killian went to meet her half way.

“Give me.” He told her his hand going for her the wet fabrics in her hands. “I’ll put them in the dryer now.”

Nodding to his request she gave them to him and she kept standing there, in the middle of the hallway as he went to the dryer. When he turned around, she was still there, clearly unsure of what to do. He walked slowly towards her, feeling the tension that was now between them, both aware of how she has been avoiding him, but both not wiling to talk about it.

“I don’t know why I came here.” Finally said Emma, her hand fiddling with the hem of the oversized shirt, lifting her eyes slowly to his.

“Did something happen tonight?”

“No.” She automatically answered and when she met his eyes, she saw that he didn’t believe her.

“Emma.” Her name came out of his mouth, half pleading, the other half in a warning tone.

“Yes.” She finally said defeated. “Something happened.”

“Want to talk about it?” She didn’t look at him, her response being a slight shrug of her shoulders. Killian’s heart squeezed seeing how little she looked, like the small little girl who was afraid and on her guards.

“Come, let’s go sit.” His hand went to the small of her back and he led her towards the couch. She let him walk her towards it, and asked her if she wanted something to drink. She nodded and he let her get herself comfortable as he went to prepare a cup of hot chocolate, knowing it would probably comfort her, and decided to make himself one too.

Emma sat down on the couch and brought her knees to her chest, either from being cold or maybe it was her shielding herself from him. With one hand she took her wet hair and placed them all to one side, exposing her neck for a brief moment.

Killian walked over her and gave her the mug of hot chocolate as he sat down next to her, and tried to find the words to ask her what happened, but was afraid too, sensing she bound to close herself up if he was too insisting. He preferred to wait for her to open herself up, and decide how far she wanted to get into the matter.

“I’m sorry for barging in here unannounced.” She said, her eyes lifting briefly to look at him, and set her eyes on the steam that was coming out of her drink, and attempted to cool it down as she blow on it.

“I don’t mind. I actually missed you.” Looking at the frightened look on her face, he thought that he had just blown his chances of talking to her and to her to open herself up to him. He was just waiting for her to get up and leave.

“Look Killian, I’m sorry if it seems I have been avoiding you, but it’s just…”

“Don’t. Don’t do that to yourself okay?” She was looking at him startled, and nodded as she looked at her drink, before taking a sip from it. When she brought the cup down from her lips, she let out a shaky breath. She was nervous. He didn’t know why she was, and about what but he could see it now. The way she was carrying herself, the way she avoided to look at him.

“So, what happened tonight?” Killian asked her before taking a sip of his mug as well, his eyes never leaving her. He could see that she was internally fighting with herself, wondering if she should lie about it or tell him the truth. His heart ached just at the thought of her wanting to lie to him.

“If you don’t want to say it’s fine. I’ll be here when you want to talk about it.” He quickly added, and was happy that he did seeing the flash of relief that came through her gaze.

“It’s just that I saw someone from my past, that I wasn’t expecting to see ever.” She said briefly. Killian thought that it was better than nothing.

“I gather that, that person hurt you.” She responded with a nod and refocused her concentration to the hot beverage.

They stayed in an uncomfortable silence, exchanging some words awkwardly. They managed to make it less weird, and it started to feel just like the week before at their last movie night when Emma tried to stifle a yawn, which proved unsuccessful. Killian looked at the time and his eyes widen seeing how late it was.

“What time is it?” She asked him.

“It’s almost two in the morning. I need to wake up in a few hours.”

“Holy shit, that’s right you are working tomorrow morning. I’m sorry I’ll go.” Emma said in a hurry and got up walking towards the dryer to retrieve her clothes.

“Don’t be and you can stay if you want, I don’t mind. I mean it’s still raining.” He told her as he got up and followed her to the dryer. She stopped and looked at him unsure.

“I don’t want to impose.”

“You won’t. You can sleep in my bed and I could sleep on the couch.” He told her as he went to get a blanket for himself.

“Won’t you be uncomfortable?” She asked concerned, a frown on her face.

“I’ve slept on worse.” He chuckled as he opened the closet in the hallway and took a blanket before heading back to his couch. Emma was still standing near the dryer clearly hesitating as he tried to get himself comfortable on his impromptu bed.

Emma finally moved from her spot and walked towards his queen-sized bed. She pulled the cover and started to get herself in the bed. Realising that he didn’t close the lamp on the other side of the living room, he got up and went to turn it off when he heard the sheet rustling and saw Emma sitting on his bed.

“Is everything alright?”

“It’s just I can’t let you sleep on your couch and me taking your bed. I mean it’s a pretty big bed, I don’t mind sharing.” She said somewhat shyly.

Killian felt nervous upon hearing her say that. He did want to sleep on the same bed as her, but at the same time he knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that she would just lie there, next to him. Well she just told him that she didn’t mind, so why should he. There was clearly no intention behind her request, even though he would love to. He could content himself to just sleep next to her, at least try.

He nodded and turned off the lamp and walked towards his bed, the lamppost casting enough light through his windows so he could see where he was going. Killian lifted the sheet and slipped under it as he settle himself next to her.

They both lied completely still, on their backs as he felt his heart beating so hard that he was convinced that it would burst out of his ribcage. He managed to mutter a goodnight, to which she responded the same way.

Killian tried to close his eyes trying to force himself to sleep but he failed miserably. He could feel his body tingling just knowing that she was a few inches from him under the covers, and he was extremely aware of his body and hers, to a point that it was maddening.

He was so focused on how is body was reacting being next to her, that he didn’t hear her unsteady breathing. He felt her changing position, turning herself on the side, her face facing him and he felt himself freeze when her feet grazed his shin.

Killian was lying so still that it started to feel unnatural and felt a muscle strain and decided to change his position. He shifted around and he ended up facing her. His eyes still weren’t accustomed to the darkness surrounding the room and couldn’t see if she was already sleeping.

When he did finally see the lines of her face, he saw her eyes wide open staring at him. His breaths catch in his throat and couldn’t keep his eyes away from her, both not wanting to ruin the moment. He noticed her shallow breathing and wondered if she was as nervous as he felt.

A wave of courage coursed through him and he shuffled forward, slowly closing the distance between them. He saw her swallow a lump down her throat, her eyes searching his. His hand moved on his own accord and stroked her arm lightly under the blanket. Seeing that she wasn’t moving or protesting, he was about to move forward when she decided to go first.

She was now pressed to his chest and could feel her chest heaving on his, her breathing brushing his neck. He felt a shiver run down his spine and leaned his face forward pressing his lips softly on hers. They both stayed on their side, lips touching, his hand unmoving on her arm, the two of them not knowing what the hell was happening.

Her hand moved and went to rest at the back of his neck pressing her lips tightly on his as she inhaled him. He didn’t waste time on answering to her advances and parted his lips deepening the kiss. They stayed kissing each other for a while, exploring each others mouth, nipping at their lips, tongues tangled together while her fingers played with the hair at top of his neck.

Killian moved his hand from her arm and moved to her waist and took advantage and change position as he pinned her on the mattress his hand moving down to caress her thigh covered by his sweatpants. He nudged her legs open with his knee and settled himself between her legs.

She gasped when he pressed his hips on hers and felt himself getting hard hearing the gasp she made and wondered what other noises she would make if he ravished her. He did dreamed about it for some time now, but he had a feeling that the real thing would be a thousand times better.

She felt his hand trail backwards playing with the hem of her (his) shirt, his fingers grazing the skin on her stomach. His touch warm, gentle and strong at the same time. His lips moved from her lips to her jawline, and down her neck nipping at the flesh near her collarbone. She knew that it this rhythm she’ll have a mark tomorrow.

His hand moved upwards and cupped one of her breast, her back arching under his touch, and felt his bulge pressed on her core, which made her skin burn under his touch and couldn’t help herself from rolling her hips downwards which made them both moan.

“God, Emma,” His voice sounded wrecked and thick with arousal, Emma didn’t give him time to finish what he was about to say as her hand went between them and tugged his shirt off his chest.

Her hands started to roam all over his hair-covered chest. He moved upwards, kissing fervently as his hand went to play with the elastic band of her pants, and went to cup her sex, his middle finger tracing the length of her slit, spreading her arousal.

The action made her moan once again, and Killian intended on making her do that noise over and over again. His thumb circled her clit slowly, teasing her as he kept kissing her. His other hand went to push her shirt upwards as his lips trailed down, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses on her bare chest, taking the hard nub between his teeth as he inserted two fingers inside her.

Emma felt overwhelmed with the attentions he was giving her, and it was definitely better than what she had expected. He lavished both of her breasts before his lips continued the path they had embarked on. His fingers kept pumping her slowly as the other hand pushed down her pants.

“Killian, please… more.” She begged him, sensing what he wanted to do and knowing he was teasing her. She felt him grin between her legs, his breath caressing the skin of her inner thigh. Finally darting out his tongue and lapping lazily on her folds, making her moan loudly as he finally touched her to where she wanted him the most.

He continued cherishing her, his mouth and tongue doing the most sinful things as his fingers curled inside her, massaging the spot that made her lose control. Picking up the pace, Emma felt herself burn up, a pressure building low in her belly, her hands on his head keeping him there as she finally tumble over the edge.

Killian kept licking her lazily helping her come down from her orgasm. He pulled back long enough for him to take his pyjama bottoms off, and Emma tugged with her pants trying to get them off. Emma felt his throbbing erection brush her stomach as he bent over her, reaching for his nightstand to reach a small square golden package.

She pulled him in for a kiss as he unwrapped the condom, and placed it on himself. They kissed greedily as he teased her with the tip of his cock, slowly nudging his way inside her.

“Fuck!” Emma cried out when he started filling her, slowly as she wrapped her legs around his waist, locking her ankles together. He pushed his hips forward until their hips were completely touching each other both panting heavily as they were finally united in the most intimate way.

“Oh God, this is better that what I had imagined.” He whispered in her ear, his lips sucking on her lobe. She was already clawing at his back, as he started to move his hips at a slow pace.

“Have you ever thought of this?” He asked her, his hand brushing a lock away from her face gently.

“Yes.”

He started to thrust faster at her response, which made her moan loudly. The room was filled with the noises escaping their mouths and of skin meeting skin. Emma felt the familiar signs of her orgasm overwhelming her. Killian felt her walls clenching around his cock and sensed she was close, and added his hands to mixture, rubbing her bundle of nerves to help her reach her release. When she did, he started to chase his as she nipped at his neck, making him come with a loud groan.

They kissed each other tenderly for a while before Killian pulled himself out and cleaned himself. When he finished, Emma was already on her side and he went to spoon her, his arm snaking around her waist, his mouth laying a soft kiss on her shoulders, making her sigh in contentment.

“Goodnight, love.” He whispered to which she responded with a small, ‘Goodnight Killian.’


	8. Chapter 8

Emma felt peaceful and content, and couldn’t help the small, lazy smile that spread across her face.

It was the first night in a week where she had slept and well. She turned around, grabbing a handful of the blankets and tugged them up to her chest. Burying her face deeper in the pillow, she smelled the fabric and opened her eyes abruptly when she recognized the spicy and manly scent coming from it.

_Killian’s scent._

Lifting her upper body slowly, she looked to the other side of the bed and saw an empty space beside her. She heard a faint sound coming from the other side of the open apartment. Clutching the sheets to her bare chest to cover herself, she turned around and saw Killian behind the counter, bowl in hand as he stirred something in it.

He lifted his head when he sensed she was awake, his eyes lit up and his mouth widened. Emma’s eyes fluttered and she felt her cheeks burn as she saw how happy he looked that she had woken up.

“Good morning, Swan.” His eyes never left her as he kept stirring his mix.

“Hi.” Her voice came out small and sleepy as she ran a hand through her dishevelled hair. Killian dropped the bowl on the counter and walked around the kitchen island and sauntered towards her until he reached the bed.

Emma felt her heart race seeing him approach her and started panicking, unsure of how to deal with – well, whatever happened between them last night. Not that she regretted it, she had thought and dreamt a lot of him and how he would be under the sheets, and reality was far better than her imagination.

He sat on the bed next to her, she could see that he was trying not to touch her but could sense that he wanted to. He took a sharp intake of breath before levelling his eyes to her. Swallowing some of the saliva that had gathered in her mouth, she cleared her throat.

“What time is it? Don’t you need to go to work?”

Killian looked down at one of his hands resting on his knee, his cheeks turning red, the other hand going at the back of his ear, grazing the skin there.

 

“I, uh, called in sick this morning. Didn’t think it was proper to leave you here alone after what happened last night and not talking about it.” He finally levelled his eyes to hers, and she could see how afraid he was of the outcome of the conversation they were about to have. She couldn’t blame him, especially when she spent the last week avoiding him and not answering his calls.

“Do you mind if I get dressed first?” She asked him, feeling utterly exposed and naked under the covers. He shook his head and got up from the bed and went back to the kitchen and went to the coffee machine.

“Do you want some coffee?” He asked her, his back to her so she could put on the clothes he’d lent her.

“That would be wonderful.” She slipped on the shirt followed by the sweatpants and got up and went to make a quick trip to the bathroom before joining him and sitting on one of the stools on the other side of the kitchen island.

By the time she joined him, the coffee was ready and he had already poured her a cup, and was waiting for her on the counter next to the milk and sugar. She grabbed the carton of milk and poured a small amount before she traded it for the sugar pot and grabbed the tiny spoon and added two small scoops. She stirred the hot beverage with the spoon, Killian doing the same on his side.

Depositing the spoon on the side of the mug, Emma blow on the steam in attempt to cool it down before taking a small sip. The liquid was comforting and warmed its way down to her stomach. 

After a moment of awkward silence, they both looked at each other and let out a small, nervous chuckle.

“So, about last night—” Emma started to say before being interrupted by Killian who raised his hand to stop her. Thank god he did, because she had no clue on what to say besides babbling.

“Emma,” he started and sighed before locking his eyes with hers, “I don’t know what happened before you came here, and I don’t want to know unless you decide to tell me. I honestly don’t know why you avoided me this past week and I won’t deny that it hurt.”

She felt a pang of guilt invade her as she consciously realised that she had hurt him, and felt horrible for doing so, since it was the last thing she’d wanted to do. She was so caught up in her own feelings that she didn’t consider his.  

“Nonetheless, I am happy that you stopped by last night, even if it wasn’t at a very decent hour[](http://killians-dashingrescue.tumblr.com/post/96390215407/never-let-me-go-part-8#_msocom_9).” He added teasingly, earning a small smile from her.

She felt a lot more relaxed in their talk, even if he was the one doing the talking. But she knew that they still hadn’t reached the core of the discussion – them sleeping together. 

“And about what happened afterwards…” He cleared his throat as he shifted on his spot as he was trying to regain some courage. “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I haven’t thought about it before, because I have. I like you, Emma, as more than a friend, and I have a hunch that the feeling is mutual.”

Emma felt herself burn up knowing that he had thought of her in that way, he did tell her last night but that was different, now it was him thinking and speaking lucidly and not being hazed by sexual desire.[](http://killians-dashingrescue.tumblr.com/post/96390215407/never-let-me-go-part-8#_msocom_11)

“And I know that you may not be ready for any commitment, and I’m not saying that I am ready, but – I would hate myself forever if I didn’t give this a try.” His blue eyes were fixed on hers, burning their way through her thoughts and feelings. She wasn’t ready for a relationship, she doesn’t think she ever would be, too afraid of being abandoned once again.

Killian sensed her insecurity, his hand going forward and grasping her small hands in his, tighten his grip in a reassuring way. Emma took a sharp intake of breath as she thought about what he had just said to her. She wanted to be with him, she liked him more than a friend, too. That what was scaring her because she already had her heart broken with their friendship before, and now with these stronger feelings involved she didn’t know if she’d able to make it through another disappointment.

“Emma,” His voice pleaded her for an answer, any answer.

“Look, Killian, you’re right. I do care for you, too, but I’m scared—no actually _terrified_ about this. What if it doesn’t work?”

He walked around the counter and went to stand in front her as she turned around on her stool so she could face him. He took her hands in his once again, and she was happy he did, the small, warm gesture giving her some strength to face this conversation.

“I’m scared, too, you know. To be honest, I never thought I might be having feelings like this after Milah passed away, but I do. We are both scared and I don’t think we should preoccupy ourselves with _‘what ifs.’_ We ought to enjoy whatever this is and see where this leads us. What do you say?”

Emma knew that he was right, there was no use in clinging to the past and letting it ruin all possibilities of being happy. She should try and be happy for once and try not to cripple herself with fear and grasp the occasion that was presenting itself to her.

“Okay.” She managed to answer, her voice coming out barely above a whisper, wondering if he even heard her. She saw the grin that appeared on his face as his hands went to cup her cheeks and he leaned forward for a kiss. Her hands went to rest on his shoulders, kissing him back tenderly.

Seeing her respond to his touch, Killian tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss, stroking his tongue on her bottom lip while one hand brushed her body from her cheek to her waist, pulling her forward to his chest. Swallowing the moan that escaped her mouth, he wrapped his fingers more tightly on her hair and waist.

Parting her legs wider for him to settle himself between them, she wrapped her legs around his waist, keeping him in place. He groaned at her actions, making her bolder as she nipped his bottom lip with her teeth, her nails scratching his scalp. He rolled his hips into her core, making her feel how badly he wanted her. The sensation made her gasp as she leaned her head backwards and he took advantage of the skin that was now exposed to him. Latching his mouth to her neck, the hand behind her neck making its way to caress her collarbone.

The hand on her waist snaked its way under her shirt, his calloused fingers grazing her skin making their way up to one of her firm breasts, rubbing her hard nub between two of his fingers. Emma felt herself burn under his touch, as she grew more and more aroused as his mouth and hands explored her body as if he was trying to memorize how each touch made her react, and she was more than happy to let him.

Needing to feel his skin on hers, she pushed him away far enough for her to get rid of his shirt. Her eyes took in the muscles that rested underneath his chest hair, she admired his abs that she had felt the night before, but didn’t have the chance to look at them in the darkness of his room. Her mouth watered seeing his lean muscles and it made her more desperate to have him inside of her.

“Enjoying the view?” He smirked down at her, teasing her.

“You have no idea.” She mirrored his look, making chuckle before he nudged her legs on his waist, and pulled her up from her seat and lead them to his bed.

He sat her down at the edge of his bed as he leaned over toward her, his hands grasping the hem of her shirt and pulled it up as he admired her bare chest. He leaned forward, his hot breath hovering over one breast, his hands barely touching her under her breasts. He looked up at her, as if he was asking permission.

Emma closed her eyes and let her head fall back, her hand grabbing the back of his head when he licked the tip of her pink nipple. His hand was warming up her other breast as he licked, nipped and pulled on her nub, making her wetter and wetter for him, and also embarrassingly turned on. She was barely sitting on the edge of his bed, wanting to be as close as possible to him. Her moans filled his quiet room, which made Killian’s cock twitch at each one of them.

Emma was desperate for him to touch further south and decided to take matters into her own hands, one hand leaving his hair and went to hide itself under the waistband of her pants, her fingers grazing her soaked slit. She didn’t have time to actually touch herself when Killian took her hand out from under there and pushed her back on the bed, grasping her pants and pulled them down in one forceful motion, making her whimper at his desperation as her walls clenched.

Leaning forward, levelling his head to her center she stopped him before he could do what he intended to do. He looked up with a questioning look, wondering why she stopped him.

“I need to feel you inside me. Please.” She begged him, and she cursed herself for sounding this wrecked[](http://killians-dashingrescue.tumblr.com/post/96390215407/never-let-me-go-part-8#_msocom_20).

“As you wish.” He smirked at her as he pushed his own pants down, his throbbing erection slapping his abs, and she couldn’t stop the moan that left her mouth as she saw how big and hard he was. She pushed herself further up the bed, as he crawled up to her,[](http://killians-dashingrescue.tumblr.com/post/96390215407/never-let-me-go-part-8#_msocom_21) kissing her urgently while his hand went to grab a condom in his drawer.

The kiss was getting sloppy when she finally felt the tip of cock nudge her entrance, pushing slowly in her. Emma gasped at the intrusion, her eyes watering as she relished on the burning sensation as he stretched her with his cock. Killian groaned next to her ear when he was completely buried in her. He leaned his head back, locking his eyes with her.

He searched her face, wanting to memorise how utterly wrecked she looked when she was overwhelmed with lust. He kept his eyes on her as he started to move, slowly at first, watching how her expression changed as he fucked her. He thought she was so beautiful like this, splayed on her back as he moved inside her, making her moan with pleasure.

Emma grabbed the sheets with her hands, needing something to hold onto when changed the angle of his hips, hitting that spot that made her body spark. Seeing that he had hit that special spot, Killian started to pick up the pace wanting her to come undone under him. She felt the first signs of her orgasm make their apparition a[](http://killians-dashingrescue.tumblr.com/post/96390215407/never-let-me-go-part-8#_msocom_22)s she felt her muscles tense, her breasts getting firmer as the first waves of her climax started to crash down on her, making her mewl and moan loudly, finally reaching the edge and gladly falling over it. 

Killian groaned when her walls clenched and fluttered around his cock as she tried to prolong her sweet release. He picked up the pace so he could chase his, and he joined her in her joyful bliss moments later. They felt their bodies go limp as he lied next to her, both trying to catch their breath. Emma snuggled her head on his damp chest as his hand went to stroke her back[](http://killians-dashingrescue.tumblr.com/post/96390215407/never-let-me-go-part-8#_msocom_24).

They stayed on the bed for a while as they enjoyed the afterglow of their coupling. When her stomach growled, they both laughed and remembered of their coffee that was now probably cold. Killian remembered that he had also started a pancake batter for them to have breakfast. 

Deciding that they should probably eat something, they reluctantly got up from the bed, Killian putting on his pyjama bottoms only, and Emma his big shirt that covered her just enough, since they both knew that it wasn’t the last time that they would enjoy each other today.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally another chapter. I have been working on this one for a week, and I intended on posting it a couple of days ago, but shit kept happening and my mind wasn’t in it, but I finally finished it YAY!
> 
> I hope you don’t hate me too much. I know I promised some good times ahead, but blame the muse. I had something else in mind and it turned out like this.
> 
> Read and enjoy!

Emma left Killian’s place late in the afternoon with a huge grin, feeling happy for the first time in a very long time. Her smile was still in place when she got into her apartment and went to take a shower before she had to leave for work.

She still couldn’t believe everything that had happened last night: Neal resurfacing, going to Killian not knowing why (well she knew – she needed him to comfort her) and being intimate with him. She didn’t know exactly what they were. She wouldn’t call dating, but almost.

She was willing to give them a try for the time being, and would see how this would pan out, but she wasn’t ruling out the possibility of ending things and never seeing him again. Emma was still scared as hell of this new relationship they’d gotten themselves into, and she kept telling herself that she owed herself a little happiness before things went south.

When she got to work, Ruby was already there, as usual, and the moment she stepped in behind the counter her roommate bombarded her with questions.

“So where you last night? I thought I was going to see you back to the apartment after what happened but you weren’t there.” She sounded genuinely concerned and Emma felt a little bit guilty that she didn’t tell Ruby where she went, but at the same time she was a grown woman and could do whatever she wanted.

“I, uh… well I went to stay over at a friend’s place.” Feeling herself blush, Emma tried to concentrate herself on preparing her side of the bar.

“You don’t have any friends.” Ruby replied, confused, arms crossed in front of her. Suddenly she seemed to catch on and her face stretched out in a huge grin, her hand going to nudge Emma’s arm forcefully. “You went to see Killian, didn’t you?”

She didn’t need to answer Ruby, the tint to her cheeks was more than enough evidence.

“Oh my _god_! Did something happen?” The brunette was getting overly excited with the news and Emma knew that she wouldn’t let her go until she answered her questions.

“Yes, something happened, okay? Now can I go back and start working?” Emma replied briefly wanting to get over the subject quickly.

“Are you guys a thing?”

Well Ruby was clearly not finished asking questions. Why did Emma think she was, she never is!

“I don’t know, maybe? We are testing it out to see how things go.” Deciding to continue preparing her things, her co-worker felt somewhat satisfied with her answers, for now.

“I’ll leave you to your work, but when we get home, I want every single detail, alright?”

“Fine.” Emma agreed, and Ruby finally left her alone after that. She tried to focus on her job, which actually proved difficult, since she had Killian on her mind.

-/-

Two weeks followed, and Emma and Killian let themselves sink in a new routine in which they saw each other practically every day.

The nights that she worked at the bar, he made a habit of stopping by after work to get a drink and quickly ask her how her day was going, and the nights she had off he sometimes went to spend the night at her place or she went to his. They spent most of their nights together watching movies, cuddling and enjoying each other’s company.

Emma, for her part, came to have lunch at his office almost everyday, and it quickly became the highlight of his workday. The first time, she had surprised him with a simple homemade sandwich and some other little snacks, and she became accustomed to spending his lunch hour with him. She would usually sit on his desk and he always sat on a chair in front of her.

Today was like any other day; Killian was at work and lunchtime was approaching. As IF on cue, Emma entered his office with their lunch, looking as gorgeous as always, her long hair pulled down, wearing a flowery summer dress, exposing her long legs. She walked over his desk with a smile and bent her upper body down so she could capture his lips with hers. She then walked around his desk and sat on top of it, crossing her legs as she deposited the bag which contained their food onto its surface.

Killian got up from his seat and went to settle himself at his usual spot in front her. She opened the bag and took out two containers filled with some pasta salad she had made and gave him one with a fork. They ate as he told her how his morning went, and he asked her how her morning was and what she wanted to do later that night, and talking about trivial things.

His hand occasionally caressed her shin, not able to contain his need to touch her. She didn’t seem to mind, as she just smiled contently at his gesture as they kept on eating their meal.

“Do you have any plans on Wednesday?” Killian asked her between bites of pasta salad.

Emma shook her head in answer, not wanting to respond with her mouth full. She swallowed her food, and put her fork in her container as she looked at Killian, intrigued.

“I don’t think so, why?”

“David and Mary Margaret invited me over to their place for supper, and I thought that we could go together.” He saw her tense up a little; at what he thought was a simple request.

“You mean as a couple, or as friends?”

“Does it matter?” He searched her eyes and they stared at each other for a moment. Killian knew that she had agreed to give them a chance and that she wasn’t comfortable on putting a label on them, but he really wished she would just let go of that uneasiness.

“Yes. I don’t want to be asked what is going on between us and not know myself. What are we going to tell your friends?” She settled her food on his desk as one hand went to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Well,” He started has he leaned forward, his arm stretched out as he set down his own food next to hers on his desk, and settled back in his chair. “We are more than friends, aren’t we?”

“Yes, but I mean were not exactly a couple. We’re kind of friends with benefits.”

His chest tightened as he heard her answer. Did she only think of him that way? Maybe he was a fool for thinking that she may want something more. His jaw clenched, and his teeth nibbling his bottom lip, trying not to show her how her words affected him.

“Is that how you see me? Someone to fulfill your sexual desires and nothing more?” His voice came out harsher than expected, but he couldn’t hide the fact that he was disappointed and somewhat angry. Emma felt the edge on his voice and came down from the desk and sat down on his lap, wrapping an arm around his neck, her other hand resting on his cheek.

“No, you’re not, it’s just – you know how I feel about all of this. I’m just not ready for a big commitment, and I love what we have now.” She leaned in and captured his lips, kissing him softly, her hand cupping his face. She tilted her head backwards and her eyes locked with his, pleading him to answer her.

Killian felt the sincerity in her words and the vulnerability that lied behind them, the fear that he would just leave her. He knew he couldn’t push her for more, but he couldn’t deny his wishes either. For now, he decided that it was best to let her have the lead and choose whichever label she wanted to give them.

“Then, what are we, Swan?” He asked her, one hand resting on her thigh, his thumb tracing soft circles on the exposed skin. She paused for a minute or two and he could see her thinking about his question, and he sensed that she might go for the friend option, the anticipation of her answer already creating a small crack on his heart.

“We’re dating, aren’t we? We could tell them that we’re dating. We’re not exactly friends, but were not exactly a couple; I mean it is the truth...” She gave him a small smile, her answer making his heart swell.

“Indeed it is.” He kissed her this time, before she resumed her place on his desk as they both finished their food. When they were done, Emma took the containers and packed them back in the plastic bag that she had brought with her.

Killian suddenly felt a craving that he seldom had – an urge for a sweet dessert, perhaps a piece of chocolate. He got up from his chair and decided to rummage the bag and see if she had brought something to satisfy this sudden need. Emma was still on his desk and looked at him questioningly.

“What are you looking for?”

“I have a craving for something sweet, did you bring any chocolate?” He asked her as he opened the bag. He felt her shift beside him.

“You can eat me.” She purred, her answer making his eyes widen as he turned his head around to look at her. She had parted her legs a little, her hands gripping the edge of his desk. Her eyes were hooded and he felt all his blood rush down between his legs. He quickly looked at the time on his watch – he still had fifteen minutes before the end of his lunch break.

Killian went to stand between her legs, his hands resting on her thighs as they slowly trailed upwards and buried themselves under her skirt, and tugged on her underwear. Their eyes were fixed on each other, black with want and Killian felt himself getting harder just at the thought of bending her over his desk. When he reached her panties, Emma lifted herself up a little so he could get rid of the small piece of fabric.

When he got rid of it, his hands went back to her knees and spread her legs wider as he sat himself back on his chair, bringing it forward. His arms went under her thighs, his hands resting on top of them as he dipped his head between her legs, lips grazing her heat. He darted his tongue and licked a long stripe through her folds as she exhaled loud sigh of relief.

One of Emma’s hands went to rest on top of his head, grabbing a fistful of his dark hair into her hand. Knowing that they didn’t have that much time, he started to lick and suck her clit in earnest, occasionally thrusting his tongue into her, making her squirm over his head as her heels pressed at the planes of his back. He dug his fingers onto her skin as he felt her come, and held her in place as he drank all of her release.

Killian felt his cock twitch as under his pants, and knew he had still a little bit more time left before he needed to go back to work. Emma was still sex-hazed after her release, so he grabbed her hips and pulled her down the desk and spun her around, bending her over his desk. He fumbled with his belt and unzipped his pants and freed his straining cock and sighed as his hand stroked his member.

One hand lifted her dress over her hips, and nudged her legs wider with his knee. He caressed the tip of his arousal across her slit, getting himself ready and teasing her before thrusting forward until he reach the hilt. He felt her squeezing his shaft in the most delicious way and moaned when he felt her clench her walls. He pulled back and pushed in again, setting a fast pace, both needing to reach their release. His hand went to rest on her lower back, the other gripping her hips as he kept pushing in and pulling out as they reach their peak, trying to keep the sounds threatening to escape their lips to a minimum.

Killian tucked himself back into his pants as he let Emma straighten herself out, since she needed to leave in a moment. He kissed her fervently before she left his office. He pulled back and rested his forehead on hers, cupping her cheeks. Leaning back slightly he looked at her, and felt those three little words at the tip of his tongue, wanting to tell her how much he cared for her. He decided to pressed his lips once more on hers, pouring all of these words into the kiss, knowing that she wasn’t ready for it, especially considering their discussion earlier.

Emma dropped her hands to his chest, looking up at him when they finally parted, and bid him goodbye with one of her breathtaking smiles.

-/-

It was almost time to leave, and Emma still couldn’t find her purse. She was feeling quite anxious for this supper, not knowing what to expect. Well, she did, in a way since she had already met David and Mary Margaret at a party at their place a month ago. But at the same time, this was different, it was only going to be the four of them and it felt oddly like a double date.

She had talked to Mary Margaret for an evening only but Emma had the feeling that she was the type of girl to really get excited if one of their friends started to date someone, and Emma was getting ready to all the possible outcomes.

When she had asked Killian what they would tell his friends, she had really hoped for him to choose the option of _friends_ since she wasn’t ready to meet people and say that he was her _boyfriend_ and she was his _girlfriend_.

The way he had looked at her – the vulnerability and the fear of her rejection – when she asked that question made her chest tighten, so she decided to reach a compromise; _dating_. It was the truth, they were actually dating, but she knew that he had hoped for more.

Finally finding her purse in the same place she always put it, Emma cursed herself for being so nervous. A moment later, there was a knock on her door and she knew that it was him. She walked over to the door and opened it so Killian could walk in with a bottle of red wine in hand as he greeted her with a chaste kiss.

“You look beautiful.” He said as he looked her from head to toe with smile.

“Really? I mean, I’m only wearing my usual jeans with a nice shirt.”

“Well, you always look beautiful to me, dressed or naked.” He smirked down at her as she rolled her eyes at his answer and used the back of her hand to hit him lightly on the chest as he laughed at her reaction.

She went to grab a pair of shoes, opting for the classic black ballet flats, and grabbed her purse before they left her apartment, locking the door behind them. They decided to take a cab to his friends’ place, and they arrived in front of their house ten minutes later.

Emma felt herself getting a little nervous as they walked down the path that led them to their door. She scolded herself for reacting this way, it was only a supper with his friends, and they were _only_ dating. Thinking that last thought made her stomach swirl, they were just dating, it wasn’t suppose to be such a big deal but it _was_ for her. The last time she had dated was four years ago, and she then ended up in prison and she promised herself that she would never date again.

_And yet here she was._

As her mind was racing with those thoughts, Killian had already rang the bell. Mary Margaret opened the door shortly after with one of her sweet and welcoming smile.

“Hi, you guys! Come in.”

She stepped to the side as Killian moved his hand to the small of her black and led her inside of the house, following her in. Once they were inside, Mary Margaret greeted them with a hug and the three of them went to the kitchen, where David was supervising the food.

David came to greet his guests, and Killian offered them the bottle he had brought and the hosts decided to keep it for when supper was ready.

“Do you want to drink something? We have beer or we can open a bottle of white wine.” Mary Margaret asked Emma while David took out a beer for Killian without even having to ask him. The guys opened their bottles and toasted before taking a sip.

“Um, white wine would be nice.” Emma smiled timidly at the brunette, whose answering smile showed her that she was hoping Emma would chose the wine.

“Come on, I have the glasses in the buffet in the dining room.” She laid her hand on her back and Emma followed her to the other room as they left the boys to themselves. Emma glanced at Killian before leaving the room and he winked at her, which made her smile.

Arriving in the other room, Mary Margaret went to grab the wine glasses and deposited them on the table, which was already set up for later.

“Sorry I led you out of the kitchen like that, I thought the boys would want to have some time alone. They don’t see each other that often anymore.” She said as she opened the bottle and poured the liquid in the glass.

She gave Emma one of the two glasses and they toasted much like the boys did before taking a drink. Emma then followed Mary Margaret to the living room as they finally sat down and settled themselves on the couch, bringing the bottle with them.

“So, how are things with Killian?”

Emma choked a little with the bluntness of the brunette’s question. “Um, fine.”

“You guys are dating now, right?”

“Yes, we have been for two weeks now.”

“That’s nice. Killian really looks happier ever since you came back into his life. I didn’t think he would after everything that happened with Milah. He was so distraught with her passing that David and I really got concerned with for well-being.” Mary Margaret was fiddling with her glass, she was pensive, as if she was remembering what those days were like.

That’s when Emma realized: Killian never told anything more besides Milah’s tragic death and she was now wondering how he might have been after the incident. He always looked so well put together that she had no clue.

“What was it like?” She decided to ask, too curious to know about those years.

“After her passing?”

Emma nodded silently to her question and Mary Margaret straightened herself before answering. “Well, he got very depressed and filled with guilt. He kept saying that if she had never met him, it would have never happened and she would still be here. He started to skip work, and drink a lot, until he eventually got fired. It took him a hard time to recover, and well, we tried as hard as we could to be there for him.”

Emma couldn’t imagine him that devastated, and was sad to know the path he had taken after such a loss.

“Did you know her?”

“Yes, a little.”

“How was she?” Emma couldn’t stop the questions that kept coming out of her mouth, curiosity getting the better of her.

“She was spontaneous, strong-minded, carefree and had good sense of humour. They really were good with each other and they loved each other very much.”

“Oh.” She couldn’t hide the hint of disappointment in her voice as she heard that. She realized that Killian might never feel the way he did for Milah with her. The way Mary Margaret was talking about her was as if she was the perfect woman for him and maybe she was.

_No matter what, Emma would always come second to her._

The brunette felt the change in Emma and her hand went to rest on her knee, a way of comforting her and catching her attention.

“You’re good for him, and no matter what happened with Milah, I can tell that he likes you. A lot.” Mary Margaret smiled reassuringly at her, but Emma didn’t feel comforted.

The hand on her knee left when the guys came in the living room, both with their beers in hand. Killian came to sit next to her, and wrapped his arm around her waist, as he kissed her temple. She looked up at him as he gave her a small smile.

He looked so happy to be with her, and maybe he really was, but she kept picturing him with _her_ , and that if she were still here he probably wouldn’t be with Emma. She spent the rest of the evening not thinking about that, but found it hard despite the fact that Killian kept grabbing her hand, stroking her thigh under the table or when he stole some kisses from her.

She tried to smile at him whenever he was, to enjoy to evening with him and his friends, but somehow she found it hard to do so. He could never love her the way he did with Milah.

_How could he?_


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!I’m happy I’m able to update before the new season of OUAT starts tomorrow!! I still can’t believe that this hiatus is over, it feels like forever since we season 3 ended.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all like this chapter. This is more like filler chapter, setting the plot of the chapters that are about to come!
> 
> Thanks for Nicki ( oncertwice) for editing it and helping me out.
> 
> Read and enjoy!

Emma and Killian were walking down the street, slowly approaching her place. She was quiet on their way back, and he noticed that she was very closed off during the evening at David and Mary Margaret’s place. He didn’t want to push her to tell him over what was wrong, maybe it was nothing, but it made his heart tighten seeing her fake her way through the night.

 

He saw Emma shivering from the corner of his eye and hugging herself with her arms as she walked beside him. Taking off his sweater, he wrapped her with it so she wouldn’t be cold, and curled his arm around her shoulder to keep her close to him.

 

“Thanks.” She turned her head slightly towards him, a sincere smile across her face, which made him happy to see that she would at least be genuine with him.

 

Killian escorted her to her front door, and Emma turned around so that she could face him. He felt the air between them tense, and saw her avoiding his eyes, and he couldn’t help the wave of panic and concern course through him, wondering what was going on inside her head. He knew she had some issues with relationships in general, and he started to wonder if she was now having second thoughts about them. He really hoped that she didn’t, he didn’t want this to end, since he was falling for her.

 

 _Hard_.

 

“So…”

 

He said to her nervously not knowing if she wanted him to stay over or not. She smiled at him again, a nervous one, as she took a deep breath, licking her lips, and has she did so, he only wanted to close the space between them and kiss her until both forgot their names.

 

He decided to go for it, and he curled his hand behind her neck and kissed her, pouring all he could into it, hoping that she would feel it. How much he cared for, how much he _loved_ her, hoping that whatever was worrying her would dissipate. He felt her melt into the kiss, as she held herself close to him, hands on his waist. Breaking apart for air, they pressed their forehands together, his fingers caressing her cheek.

 

“Do you want me to stay?” He pulled his head back a little so that he could look at her, his fingers moving a loose strand of her hair behind her ear before brushing his fingers back over her high cheekbones. Emma leaned into his touch, her eyes closed in contentment.

 

“I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay, you know. If you want to head back to your place, I don’t mind.” He locked his gaze with hers, and, despite her words, her eyes where saying otherwise.

 

“I would gladly spend all of my nights with you if I could.” Pressing his lips softly on hers, he felt her smile. She took out her keys from her purse and unlocked the door to her place.

 

They were greeted by the sound of the television as Ruby and her boyfriend Victor cuddling on the couch as they watched _Braveheart_. The couple turned around to greet them and then refocused their attention on the screen, as they seemed captivated with the current scene. Emma grabbed Killian’s hand, and dragged him to her bedroom.

 

The moment they entered her room, she took off her earrings and went to deposit them on her nightstand as she turned on the lamp on it, as he went to sit at the edge of her bed. She took off her shoes, and went to sit next to him.

 

“Look, I understand if you don’t want to stay with both of them being here.”

 

“Why would I want to leave?”

 

“I don’t know. I mean, you’re _thirty_. I assume you haven’t dealt with the “staying-over-with-the-girl-you’re-sleeping-with-and-dealing-with-her-roommate” stuff in a long time now.”

 

“Is that how you think I see you? As the ‘girl I’m sleeping with?’”

 

“Well, yeah. I know we said that we were more than just friends, but it’s still the truth.” Killian shifted on the bed so he could face her, and took her hand in his.

 

“You will never be just the girl I am sleeping with. You are more than that to me. Always have been. I care about you, Emma, more than anything in the world despite what you might think. And as far as the roommate thing, I don’t care, as long as I get to spend some time with you. That’s all that matters.”

 

She looked at him as if she wanted to believe him but something was holding her back, he could see it in her eyes. The vulnerability that had slowly started to disappear had sprung back to life tonight. Killian started to wonder what she had talked about with Mary Margaret, since the moment before her time alone with petite brunette, she seemed collected and happy. Now she looked shattered and scared, just like the little girl he once knew.

 

“You don’t have to say that to make me happy.”

 

“ _You_ make me happy, Emma!” He cupped her face with both of his large hands. Her eyes watered and seeing her so made his heart ache knowing that she was struggling with herself.

 

“That’s what you say now, but I won’t never be able to make you happy like _she_ did.” Killian leaned his head back, brows furrowed, with confusion written all over his face.

 

“Milah,” she finally said, answering his silent question.

 

He sighed when he finally put the pieces together and understood her strange mood.

 

That’s what Mary Margaret and Emma probably talked about: his departed girlfriend.

 

“I won’t lie to you, Emma, she did make me happy, but all that was a long time ago. I did love her, and I still miss her, but she is gone and she is never coming back. _You_ are here now, after all these years. You made me happy back then when were kids, and you still do. And this relationship between us, it makes me happy too, and more than you could ever imagine. Don’t ever think that you mean less to me than she, because that is a lie.” He could see through her eyes that she was relieved, but still not completely convinced.

 

He moved forward until their lips met, his hands moving from her hands to the back of her head. Tilting his head to the side, he kissed her again this time with more passion and love that he could pour into it, determined on convincing her of his words. Emma moved her hands to his shoulders and both changed position, as he pressed her on the mattress.

 

Killian took his time kissing her, his hands undressing her slowly as his mouth explored the exposed skin, wanting to worship her like he thought she deserved to be. He made love to her that night, moving inside her slowly, his eyes fixed on hers as they kissed each other languidly from time to time until they came undone under the dim lighting of her bedroom. Rolling to their sides, they pressed their damp foreheads together, as their limbs were still tangled together, the tip of their fingers brushing their skin until they both feel asleep.

 

The next morning Killian woke up very early, since he still had to work and needed to go back to his place to take a shower and change clothes. He unwrapped his arm from Emma’s small frame reluctantly, wanting nothing more than to just stay with her, wrapped in her warmth, his nose buried in her neck.

 

As he picked up his discarded clothes from the floor, his eyes kept searching for her, and watched the steady breathing of her peaceful slumber. She looked so calm and relaxed, and he wished she could stay that way forever but he knew that she still had some issues to work through, as last night showed him, and he was more than ready to stay by her side and help her go through them.

 

Finally fully dressed, he held himself on his arms, and leaned down to kiss her forehead. The sheet rustled as she moved her head towards him, squinting her eyes open.

 

“You’re leaving?” She mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.

 

“Unfortunately. I still need to work, if it was up to me I would stay in bed with all day.” She hummed with a lazy smile at his comment.

 

“I would love that.”

 

“Another day, perhaps. I’ll come by tonight.” He kissed her cheek once more before he tore himself from her warmth as she turned and nuzzled her sheets, falling back to sleep.

 

He looked at her with a smile one last time before heading out of her apartment and walked in direction of his own.

 

-/-

 

After work, Killian walked back to his place to change and have something to eat before heading to Emma’s workplace. It was a rainy cold day, and it was Friday and after what happened the night before, he really wanted to be with her, knowing she would still need some reassurance.

 

It was around eleven when he arrived at her bar. He pulled the big wooden door and entered an almost empty pub and saw that her side of the counter had only one customer. He walked over her side and saw her smile when her eyes met his, as she walked around the counter and met him halfway, greeting him with a kiss.

 

“Hey! I was wondering if it was part of a dream when you told me that you would be coming over tonight.” She pulled back, her arms still wrapped around his neck.

 

“It was very real.” Capturing her lips with his once more, the kiss a bit more passionate than the previous one.

 

They were interrupted by Ruby calling to them, telling them to get a room. They detached from one another, Killian grinning while Emma’s cheeks flushed, smiling shyly at him. Going back behind her counter she went to pour him a glass of rum as he settled on a stool.

 

“So, how was your day?” She asked him as she gave him his drink, putting it on the coaster in front of him.

 

“Uneventful.” He took a sip of his glass while Emma dropped her hands on the edge of the counter, her body leaning slightly towards him. “How about you? It seems to be fairly calm here.”

 

“Yeah, it’s been pretty dead all night.”

 

“Do you think you might finish a bit earlier?” He asked her, hoping she would. She looked at him with a smile, and nodded her head.

 

“I’m finishing in about thirty minutes. Wait for me?”

 

“You know I will.”

 

She leaned over the counter and kissed him before grabbing the things she needed to count her sales and went to the back of the store. Killian waited for her with his drink in hand as he made small talk with her roommate, Ruby.

 

“I’m glad she finally decided to take a chance with you. She has been smiling a lot ever since you two decided to get together. Especially after the incident a couple of weeks ago.”

 

“What incident?” Killian looked at the brunette with a frown,

 

“This guy, Neal I think his name was, well he came here and when Emma saw him, she was startled but her face quickly went from surprised to angry and she slapped him. I had to restrain her from hitting him again.”

 

“Why did she hit him?”

 

“I don’t know, the only thing she said to me is that he deserved it. I have never seen her in such a state. Angry, vulnerable and sad. She was a mess after he left, she couldn’t focus on anything and I had to tell her to go home since she couldn’t keep up with work. I guess that’s when she went to your place.”

 

His brows were furrowed, as he tried to intake what the barmaid just told him. He remembers that night so well, when she came to him soaking wet and freezing. She told him that something had happened that night that she saw someone from her past, which she didn’t think she’d ever see again. He didn’t know when and what that man did to her, but it clearly scarred her, and he couldn’t help himself but wonder exactly what happened. He had a feeling that he might be one of the reasons why she had trust issues. Killian was still deep in thought when she finally emerged from the back with her purse on her shoulder, clearly ready to go.

 

They left the bar, his arm around her waist, his hand resting on her hip, debating on whether they should go to his place or her place to hang out. They both agreed that his place was an ideal choice since they could be alone without having to restrain themselves on the noise they could make.

 

On the way to his place they talked about their day, and Killian couldn’t get rid of the conversation he had with her roommate out of his head. He really wanted to ask her who this Neal guy was and what exactly happened between them, but he knew that if he asked her those questions she would probably pull her walls back up, and he didn’t want to since she was making so much progress on letting him see through the cracks of those high walls of hers, and knew that in time those bricks will come tumbling down, freeing herself of her issues in the process. He would just have to wait for her to bring the subject on her own.

 

Finally arriving at his place, they decided to watch a movie in bed but their plans fell through, as usual, settling themselves on his bed kissing each other, the kiss quickly getting more heated as they took their layers of clothes until they were both bare and desperate for friction. They got themselves lost in a moment of lust and passion, moving in perfect sync as they explored and tasted each others body until they reached their peak, both panting the others name like a mantra.

 

Both sated, they laid back on his bed under the covers, Emma’s head resting on his chest, her head moving at the steady rhythm of his breathing, his hand stroking her back up and down. They enjoyed the afterglow of their coupling in a comfortable silence, a content smile on both their faces.

 

He felt his body humming with happiness; cuddling with the woman he had very strong feelings for, the woman he loved. He reminded himself of what he told her the previous night, hoping that she believed him when he told her that she made him happy, more than Milah ever did. If she didn’t, he would make sure she knows.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Her voice came out barely above a whisper, her fingers playing with the dark curls of his chest.

 

“How happy I am right now.” He felt her shift her head up, her chin resting on his chest, her green eyes searching his for a trace of lie, but he knew there wasn’t any, because it was the truth. She smiled at him, hoping that it was a smile of acknowledgement of his feelings.

 

“I am, too. I could get used to this.”

 

He looked at her, confusion marking his traits, wondering what exactly she could get used to.

_Him?_

_Their relationship?_

_Sharing a bed?_

 

She seemed to notice his questioning and she answered without him needing to specifically ask her. “I mean, spending my Friday nights here with you instead of being at work, like a normal person would.”

 

“I could get used to it too. Finishing the week with you, spending my weekends with you. In fact, spending all of my evenings with you would be amazing.”

 

She smiled at him and lowered her head towards his so she could press her lips lightly on his, whispering ‘me too’ over his lips before her head resumed it’s place on his chest.

 

“Do you ever think of doing something else?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe go back to college so you could get a decent job. Or maybe not college but maybe just search for a new job where you could have a more decent and normal schedule.” As he talked, he felt her tense up slightly, but being too carried away with the thought of them sharing a similar work schedule, he didn’t noticed it.

 

“No, I haven’t thought about it. I mean, I’m pretty happy with the job I have. I make good money.”

 

Killian hummed at her answer, the vibration sending a jolt of electricity straight to her core. “If you’re interested, there’s an opening at work. A secretary position. The only requirement being a high school diploma. Would that be something you might be interested in?”

 

“Uh, yeah, maybe.” Emma lied, it was something that she definitely didn’t want, knowing that a big corporation like that would search for any police records before hiring an employee, a record that she most definitely had.

 

The discussion about a new job was quickly changed when Emma proposed to Killian that they watch that movie, both grabbing their underwear before heading for the couch and searching through Netflix for a movie to watch.

 

As they watched the movie, Killian couldn’t get over the idea of Emma working at the same place as him, and decided that on Monday he would secretly apply at his job for her to see if she would be a good candidate for the spot.

 

If she was, he would tell her and let her decide if she wanted to pursue an interview, and if wasn’t, well, he wouldn’t tell her and she could keep bartending.


	11. Chapter 11

The weekend was coming to an end, and despite the fact that Emma had to work throughout the weekend like she usually did, she’d quite enjoyed the past few days. Every night after her shift, she would go over to Killian’s, since he had given her a copy of his key.

 

She would surprise him as he read a book on his couch, or went to wake him up in a way that he _definitely_ didn’t mind.

 

Ever since they talked over at her place after the supper over at Killian’s friends, she felt a bit relieved and reassured. He had told her how much she made him happy, and she had searched his face for any trace of a lie, but when she couldn’t find one, she started tell herself that maybe he was right after all, and that she was only being paranoid.

 

He made love to her that night, and she could feel him pouring his emotions into their lovemaking and she gave as good as she got, trying to show him how much she cared about him, too. She knew that she was falling for him, deep down she knew that she loved him, but she was too scared to acknowledge it to herself, even less to him.

She decided to let herself fall blindly into their relationship, something that she never did, and enjoy what they had together because she knew he cared for her. So, since that night, she lowered her walls piece by piece, making sure to still keep some things well-guarded, and let herself love him and be loved by him, and she have never been this happy.

 

It was Monday, and that meant that his workweek was starting, and that it was now her days off. She woke at the same time he did and walked with him a bit, until she took the path that led her to her place, making sure to kiss him before they parted.

 

Arriving at her place, she instantly went to her room and changed into her sweatpants and a t-shirt and went to bed, trying to get some sleep since she had only slept a couple of hours over at his place. When she woke a few hours later, early in the afternoon, she sat at the edge of her bed as she stretched her arms out before leaving her room and going to make herself something to eat.

 

Ruby was sitting on the couch, knitting herself a red beanie. Her Granny had shown her how to knit when she was just a little girl, and she had continued with this hobby ever since, making herself and others some sweaters. She lifted her head and greeted Emma with a smile.

 

Emma went to get the kettle and poured some water in from the sink before putting it on the stove. She went to grab the teapot from one of the cupboards and took a jar filled with tea leaves and took a spoonful and put it on the teapot.

 

“I’m making myself some chai, you want some?” She asked her roommate as she went to get the honey in the pantry, and went to pour it into the pot.

 

“Sure.” Emma added more leaves, and went to get two small cups and went to join her friend on the couch as she deposited the cups on the coffee table.

 

“So where were you all weekend? With your boyfriend?” The brunette detached her eyes from her work for a moment and looked at her friend with a grin, making Emma’s cheeks warm up.

 

“I was. He gave me a key.” Emma told her friend, biting her bottom lip.

 

“So, it seems things are going well between you two.”

 

“They are. I mean, he’s great, and he really makes me happy.” She admitted, realising it was the first time she said it out loud, and felt somewhat relieved she did. She took a deep breath and breathed out loudly with contentment.

 

The kettle started to whistle telling her that the water was now boiling, and she got up and turned off the stove and poured the hot liquid into the teapot before bringing it to the coffee table where their cups were waiting. She sat down next to her friend once again, and continued talking as they waited for the tea to infuse.

 

“Are you guys thinking about moving in together? I mean you spend pretty much every free time together.”

 

Emma was caught off guard with Ruby’s question, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t think about it.

 

“Not really, well, not for now. He asked me if I thought of changing my job eventually, to have more decent work hours.” She leaned towards the table and poured the spicy black tea into each cup grabbing hers before leaning back into her seat.

 

Ruby settled her knitting on her lap and grabbed her own cup and tucked her legs under her and faced her friend, intrigued by the turn of their discussion.

 

“Do you want to?”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe? If I had normal work hours I could see him more, and I could actually have a normal weekend and go out on Fridays and Saturdays instead of making drinks for those who are enjoying their nights off. “

 

“But?” Ruby was looking at Emma with encouraging eyes, prompting her to share what was worrying her.

 

“But, I don’t know what I could do. I only have a high school diploma, and you know that I have a criminal record; Regina was the only one who would hire me. There’s no other place looking to hire an ex-convict.” Her good mood was now gone, and she felt troubled. Concerned that she will never be able to something else than tending bar, and that one day Killian would discover, and reject her, replacing his loving gaze with disgust.

 

“Are you afraid of how Killian will react when he finds out about it?”

 

“How would he find out?”

 

“You’re not going to tell him?” Ruby was clearly surprised with the fact that she didn’t want him to know.

 

“Why should I? It’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me. There’s nothing that I’m more ashamed of, and I don’t want him to find out, _ever_.” She took a small sip of the hot drink, wrapping her hands around it to warm her cold fingers as she tried to distract herself from the turn that this conversation was taking.

 

“He’ll find out eventually, you know.” She paused and deposited her cup on the table and shifted herself closer to Emma, taking one of her hand in hers. “How do you expect your relationship to work if you can’t even be honest with him? And knowing you, you wouldn’t forgive him for keeping things from you.”

 

Emma raised her eyes and met Ruby’s brown ones, and felt her eyes burn, tears building up, threatening to spill. The brunette took her cup and put it aside next to hers, and then pulled her into a hug, her hand rubbing her back. The act of comfort made her crack as she let the tears run free on her cheeks,

 

“I’m just afraid that once he knows he’ll leave me for good. I’m so happy with him right now and I don’t want this to end. And he will reject me when he found out what I did, because he’ll realise that I’m not worthy of him.” Emma sobbed into her friend’s neck, her words halting every now and then.

 

“You’re being silly, he’ll _never_ let go of you.” Her friend leaned back and looked at her. “Have you seen the way he looks at you? You can see it in his face how much he loves you, and I’m pretty sure that he isn’t easily scared.”

 

She smiled at her friend, and was grateful for her reassuring words, but deep down inside, despite what Ruby was telling her, she was still convinced that he would leave her if he knew.

 

-/-

 

She spent the rest of day trying to distract herself from her conversation with Ruby, and decided to clean her apartment since she hadn’t been there for a couple of days. When Killian texted her after work asking her if she wanted to go out to the movies. She agreed and went to take a quick shower before joining him.

 

The next couple of days went on as usual, they either spent the night over at her place or his. The nights that she was working, she usually went to his place as he made her supper before she left for work. And she had managed to forget the discussion with her friend concerning all of her worries. Well, _some_ of her worries.

 

She had noticed that Killian was acting weird ever since she had arrived over at his place. He seemed tense; he avoided eye contact with her and simply hummed at her every time she told him something. She felt a pang of nervousness and panic course through her, thinking that this was it, since _this_ wasn’t him.

 

She tried rationalizing that maybe something happened at work, that he had some bad news and that he was just stressed out, and that’s why he was distant with her. She tried to brush it off and continue telling him about what happened at the bar the night before.

 

“So, this guy was drunk, and he wobbled over to this girl who was sitting at my side of the bar, and—” She stopped mid-sentence when she saw his eyes fixated on his food. She dropped her fork on her plate a bit harshly, the action making a loud sound.

 

“Are you listening to me, or should I continue talking to my spaghetti?” Her voice came out harsh, since she was getting annoyed with his off attitude.

 

“Sorry, love. I was just a bit distracted.” His eyes left his plate and he quickly glanced at her before they resumed looking absently his pasta.

 

“A _bit_? You mean a lot, because you haven’t been acting like yourself all evening, and I wasn’t going to say anything but now I’m getting annoyed. What’s wrong?”

 

He finally tore his gaze from his plate, and locked his stare with hers. Emma slowly started to panic when she saw the pained look in his eyes. He dropped his fork on his plate and straightened himself on his chair, and she couldn’t help herself but think that this was it.

 

He was breaking up with her, he was leaving her despite all of the wonderful things he had said to her, because, of course, she couldn’t have happy things happen to her and stay that way.

 

“Look, Emma, it is not like me to push you to tell me things about yourself, how you feel, or about your past. I’ve always let you open yourself up to me whenever you felt that you were ready, and I would be lying if I said that I knew some things about you, that you thought I wasn’t aware. But I never asked you about them because I wanted you to tell me, but this, _this_ , is something too big for me to keep my mouth shut and not ask you about it.” He paused and took a deep breath as if it took all of his energy to talk about whatever he was going to tell her, and Emma felt her heart race faster and faster and it felt as if it was going to burst out of her ribcage the tension becoming too much for her to handle.

 

“What did you do to end up in _prison_?”

 

And there it was: the dreaded piece of information that she swore he would never find out. Emma felt her head spin and time stop the moment those words came out of his mouth, her breathing stopping altogether. She stayed frozen on her chair her mind racing, and her body unable to keep up with the whirlwind of thoughts that was coursing through her head.

_How did he know?_

_Who told him?_

_Did he think less of her now?_

She finally managed to let out a shaky breath, and felt her body tremble with emotion as she tried to come up with words. “How – how did you find out?”

 

He lowered his gaze to his hands, as if he was ashamed of something, which made her panic even more.

 

“I applied for the secretary position for you. The answer came back today, and—” The first piece of information was enough to bring her out of her trance, anger replacing the fear of rejection that was invading her being.

 

“You did _what_?” She asked in a low, calm voice that betrayed how she felt inside.

 

“I—”

 

She didn’t let him answer, the fury inside her boiling, knowing what he did behind her back.

 

“You applied for a job _without my consent?_ ” She blurted out as she got from her chair, too worked up to stay seated and walked over the living room, pacing around.

 

“I was going to tell you.” Killian got up from his chair and followed her, and was stopped when she whirled around and faced him, anger tracing the traits on her face.

 

“ _When?_ The morning of my first day at your office?”

 

“Emma, don’t be like that.” Killian told her, his voice pleading with her, knowing that he screwed up.

 

“Why not? You expect me to tell you about why I was in prison after you betrayed me like this? For fuck’s sake, I thought you were different from all the other men I know and that you wouldn’t screw me over, but you know what? You’re just like them, unreliable. I can’t trust you.” Her voice came out high and she tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to escape but failed.

 

“You can trust me, Emma.” Killian’s voice came out strangled, clearly hurt by her words.

 

“How can I? You left me all those years ago, and now you go behind my back, making me apply for a job that I don’t want. Who _does_ that? And to think that I believed you were different.” She shook her head as the tears fell down her cheeks. “I’m such an idiot.” She breathed out, the words coming out of her mouth so softly and pained, that she wondered if he even heard her.

 

“I _am_ different, Emma, _I love you_.” It was his turn to let the tears fall down, as he grabbed her hands in his, begging her to look at him, to hear him.

 

His touch felt like it was burning through her skin. She slipped her hands off his grip as quickly as she could and whispered _“No you don’t,”_ and turned around, taking her leather jacket with her and ran out of his apartment.

 

She heard him calling her, and she walked as fast as she could until she was a few blocks away before leaning her back to a brick wall, and let herself fall to the floor and started to cry heavily.

 

When she finally managed to stop, or at least regain some control over her limbs, she took her phone and texted Regina to tell her that she couldn’t come in tonight.


	12. Chapter 12

Killian had just handed in Emma's application for the secretary position at work. He knew that he should have talked with her before, but he couldn't help himself. He knew how insecure she was about changing jobs, and she wouldn't do it without a push and some encouragement. He thought that if he applied for her and got a positive response he could tell her and show her that she is worthy of another job besides bartending.

He spent the following days a bit anxious as he waited for Dan from Human Resources to give him an answer. Thursday arrived and Killian was in his office making his way through some paperwork when suddenly his colleague knocked on his door and opened it as he let himself in with a light brown folder in his hand. Seeing the folder in his coworker's hand, he knew what this was about and he smiled and lifted his head up, hopeful of the response Dan would give him.

"Hi, Dan. To what to I owe the honour of your presence?" He feigned ignorance as he put his work aside and focused his attention on the man standing in front of his desk.

"I came to give you the answer on your friend's application." He seemed to be quite uninterested and bored.

"So?" Killian asked, barely able to hide his excitement as he grabbed the envelope.

"We can't hire her." Dan said simply and turned around with a resigned step and walked over to the door.

"Why?" Killian's voice came out louder than he thought it would, the tone clearly stunned and a bit confused.

"We don't hire ex-convicts."

Brows furrowed, he tried to process what his colleague just told him. He finally dropped his gaze down, as he realized he held the reason for that call in his hands. Biting his bottom lip, he opened the document and on top of Emma's check-up and application was a mug-shot of her.

The moment he set his eyes on the picture, he felt his heart squeeze so hard it was hard for him to breathe for a few moments. There were two pictures of her: one from the side and one from the front.

He kept staring at the one from the front as he felt a whirlwind of emotions sweeping through him. Confusion upon learning this bombshell, wondering what the hell she'd done to end up there. Sadness from the way she looked, hair dishevelled, distress in her eyes with dark circles underneath, the corners of her mouth going downwards. His heart also ached for her, then and now. Knowing how hard her life had always been, understanding why she was so guarded and why she kept everyone at arm's length.

Through all of these emotions, he also felt anger, for so many reasons. Angry at her for withholding that big piece of information from him (guilt quickly followed that anger, knowing that Emma already had difficulty sharing - of course she didn't share this part).

But he was mostly angry at himself for not being there for her, for not coming back to her when he promised he would. Maybe if he had visited her like he told her he would she would have never ended up there, he could have been there giving her the advice and support she needed.

"Hey, Killian." Dan's voice tore him out of his thoughts. He lifted his head and saw his colleague eyeing him worriedly.

"Are you alright?"

He wasn't. Far from it, be nodded his head as his eyes went back to the pictures, as if they were haunting him, before he closed the folder and gave it back to Dan. "I'm fine, thanks."

His co-worker didn't seem at all convinced, but didn't think much of it and left his office.

He barely managed to focus for the rest of the day, as he constantly wondered what had happened and how he would face her now. She had made so much progress on opening herself to him, slowly trusting him again, he didn't want to jeopardize all of that.

Should he tell her?

Should he keep it a secret?

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. This predicament was giving him a headache. Leaning back in his chair, he let out a loud sigh as he tried to figure something out.

Later that night, Emma came over his place to eat supper before she would leave to work. Normally it was the moment of the day that he looked forward to, but today not so much. He still hadn't figured out what to do, but decided that for today he would keep his mouth shut.

When she arrived at his place, his heart ached when he saw her; she seemed so happy and carefree and he couldn't keep himself from feeling like he'd just screwed everything up by learning that she was in prison because he _knew_ that she didn't want him to know, at least not right now.

He knew that he would have to tell her and that the Emma that was standing before him would disappear, and she would close herself off again, adding another layer of brick to her walls to help her protect herself from others. That thought pained him as much as knowing that she was incarcerated, wondering what could have made her break the law and end up there. Who were the people, or lack of people, that had driven her to do something that would get her in trouble.

Despite his efforts to not think about it and go on as if he didn't know a thing, he failed miserably and caught himself getting lost in his thoughts, thinking about why she ended up there. Emma noticed that he was distracted and called him on it, asking him what was wrong. That was when it all went to hell, and when he realized he screwed up, _big time_.

He should have expected her to react the way she did, and she had every right to be mad at him, but his heart broke into pieces when she told him that he was like all the other men she had known, unreliable and not trustworthy. He tried to reason with her but it proved worthless since she felt betrayed by him.

She left his apartment in a rush, leaving him no time to explain fully and apologize to her for this mess. Killian knew from experience that she needed some space to calm down and think, so she could process fully what was happening. This was what happened when he told her all those years ago that he would be leaving for college.

Killian let himself slump in his couch, his hands rubbing his face before his arms fell to his sides. His head rested on the back of the couch and he sighed as he started thinking how he was going to make her talk to him again, because he knew it wouldn't be easy, she would do anything to shut him out, and to find reasons to end this.

-/-

Her eyes felt heavy and her head hurt from all the tears she'd shed the night before. She propped herself up on her elbow as she squinted her eyes open, looking at the time on her alarm clock. It was past noon, and it was no surprise that she had slept so late after spending the night reliving what had happened with Killian.

Emma fell back on her bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling as she tried to figure out the mix of emotions that were swirling inside her. There was not a lot of people who knew about her time in prison. Only Ruby, Regina and, of course, Neal. Besides them there was no one, and to have Killian find out about it made her feel bare and uncomfortable and exposed to him. She didn't want him to find out, at least not now. She would have eventually told him, when she was ready, since it's a part of her life about which she is particularly embarrassed and would gladly erase from her past.

She'd wanted to tell him since they started dating, but something always held her back, thinking that maybe he would reject her, look at her with contempt and disgust and finally do what all the others did, leave her. She also felt betrayed by Killian, for making her apply for that job behind her back, making him find out about her past. She understood why he wanted her to apply for the job, considering one of their earlier conversations, but she would have wanted to make the choice herself.

Her stomach flipped when she thought about the other thing that happened that made her confused. Amidst all of that arguing, he told her that he loved her. She could still see his distraught look when he told her that he was different, that he loved her. He was begging her to listen to him, and she wanted to, but was too overwhelmed by the news that she went for her typical response, ' _No, you don't'_ and ran as fast as she could.

Letting out a deep sigh, Emma gathered the energy to finally get up and go into the shower to wash her worries away. She spent half an hour under the hot stream of water, ruminating over the situation, and let out a frustrated groan as she finished washing her hair when she realized that the only think on her mind was Killian and how he might feel now.

She spent the rest of the day alone, keeping busy in her room. She wanted to avoid her roommate, knowing that the second she would set her eyes on her, she would know that something was wrong. If Ruby knew that something was wrong, she would not let Emma go until she told her everything.

The next few days, she managed to ignore Killian's calls and texts, and avoided Ruby the best that she could. Every time she crossed path with the brunette she mumbled an excuse that she needed to go out to buy something, and whenever she entered a room where Ruby was, she managed to escape with a made up reason.

Emma felt happy that she was able to avoid the brunette, that is, until today. She decided to sort her things out into two piles, what she was going to keep, and trash. She was going through a pile of random objects on her desk when she came across pictures that she and killian had taken in a photo booth. She remembered that they took those pictures when they went to see _Guardians of the Galaxy_. When they got out of the theater they decided to take a set of pictures of them in a photo booth, and she ended up sitting on his lap since the space was so limited.

In one of the pictures they were both looking into the camera, making silly faces, followed by one where Killian was kissing her on the cheek, and the last two of them kissing each other. She ran a finger over the photos, and felt her heart ache as she realized how much she missed him. She had tried so much to bury her sadness deep down inside and block it out with anger, that she had forgot how much she missed his presence, his voice, his smile, the way he made her laugh with his stupid jokes, and the way he made her feel so safe and loved.

The pictures became blurry as her eyes watered and tears slowly slid down her cheeks, and she let herself sit on her chair. That's when Ruby decided to enter her room without knocking and found her crying silently as she held the photographs. The brunette walked over to where she was and sat at the edge of her bed as her hands went to grab Emma's in a comforting way.

"Emma, what's wrong?"

The worry in her friend's voice made her feel even more vulnerable and pathetic, and started to sob, her shoulders shaking. Seeing that she was unable to tell her what was wrong, Ruby got up and pulled her into her arms, a hand rubbing her back. When she managed to calm down, she finally told her what happened with Killian.

-/-

A couple of days went by without any news of Emma. He had tried to reach her, calling and texting her, but, as expected, she didn't respond. It was expected from her to avoid his calls, so Killian decided to go over her place and see her. As he was standing in front of her front door, he felt nervous. Nervous that should tell him to leave, that she didn't want to talk to him, that she didn't want to see him anymore.

He lifted his hand into a fist and knocked on her door. A couple of minutes went by and he heard the sound of muffled footsteps pacing around until it reached the door. He wasn't expecting for Ruby to open the door, even though he shouldn't have been surprised. She opened the door wide enough to peek out of it, blocking his view of the inside of the apartment.

"Hi Ruby. Is Emma here?"

The brunnette looked uncertain as she ducked back into the apartment before turning her head towards him, her eyes avoiding his.

"No, she isn't." Her green eyes finally reached his, and Killian could see that she was lying.

"She doesn't want to see me, does she?" His voice came out defeated and disappointed as he more stated than asked Emma's roommate.

Her face softened as she looked inside one more time before coming out of the doorway and into the hallway, closing the door until only an inch was left open.

"Look Killian, she's hurt and feels betrayed by the person she thought she could trust." She lifted her hand and left it in the air to stop him when he opened his mouth to retort. "And I understand why you did what you did, even though it was shitty. She'll come around, just give her some time. Okay?"

Her eyes begged him to acquiesce to her demand. He nodded his head as he let out a deep sigh, resigned.

"I just want her to know that I'm still here for her, even thought if she thinks she can't trust me anymore. I'll do anything for her."

"I know." Ruby smiled at him as her hand went to rest on his forearm, squeezing the muscles of his arm lighlty, as a sign of comfort and understanding. With that, she went back into her apartment, leaving Killian standing in front of her door again.

He tried the best he could to give her some space, but the urge to see her and to explain himself to her was bigger. And he also missed her, a lot. He missed spending time together, cuddling, laughing and waking up in the morning with her beside him. Those small moments that made his day a lot more brighter with her presence only. Since that day, he felt a void deep inside him, knowing that what was missing was _her_.

So he decided a week after the incident to stop by her work, and talk to her a bit or at least make her understand that he wasn't going anywhere. He knew that Mondays were usually slow nights, so it would be easier for her to leave Ruby alone behind the counter if he wanted to talk to her for a bit.

Killian entered the bar and saw her behind her side of the counter, her back to him. Just seeing her from afar, her gold tresses falling down her shoulders as she tiptoed to grab a bottle of whisky on a higher shelf. She then twirled around and saw her concentrated look on her face as she mixed the ingredients in her shaker. He felt his stomach do a flip as he saw her, thinking how beautiful she was even with the dark circles that she tried to conceal under her eyes, and the frown that she had. To his eyes, she was always the most beautiful being to have walked the earth.

He walked over to her station, as he felt his nerves tingling all over his body. Moving a stool back a bit to give him space to sit, he settled himself at one end of the counter. Even though she didn't lift her eyes, he knew that she had sensed a new customer.

When she finished serving the couple in front of her, she turned towards him, and he saw her body go stiff, her eyes widening as her mouth parted slightly. She quickly closed her mouth, and glanced around, knowing she was looking for an excuse somewhere, and she swiped her hands on her hips and walked towards him. She avoided his gaze (which he would be lying if he said it didn't hurt), and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she stood before him.

A soft ' _hey'_ came out of her mouth as he felt how nervous she was. Killian smiled at her and replied the same thing as her. There was an awkward and thick silence between them before he managed to break the ice.

"You've been avoiding me."

Her worried eyes met his, she bit on her bottom lip when she realised that there was no denying it, no matter what she would say, he would know if she was lying, and she knew it.

"I know. I just… I just needed time to think."

Killian nodded slowly, and looked around and saw Ruby looking over them.

"Do you think we could talk? Alone."

"Sure. Just wait a sec, I'll see if Ruby can cover for me." She barely had time to walk over her friend when he saw her friend telling her she'll be fine.

Emma walked them over to an empty booth so they could talk calmly. He noticed that she tried to sit as far away from him, and it made is chest ache since the only thing that he wished to do right now was to wrap his arms around her.

"Look, Emma, before you say anything, I need to explain what I did."

She inhaled deeply, as she shifted on her seat, and nodded.

"Remember when I asked you if one day you'll like to change job and you said maybe? Since then I couldn't stop thinking about us having similar work schedules, and spending our nights together and that thought was very appealing for me. I told you about that job opening and you said that you'll maybe consider it but I couldn't shake the idea of you working at the same place as me. I know that I shouldn't have applied for you without your consent, but I thought that if you were approved, you might have seized the occasion, and if you weren't well I would just leave it there. No harm done." He paused for a moment and looked at her.

"That is until I received the answer, that is when I knew how much of a mistake I had done. I didn't intend on going on behind your back and finding things about you without your consent. You need to believe me on that matter."

Emma looked down, her fingers playing with a loose thread of her apron.

"I believe you." She simply answered when her eyes meet his, and he couldn't help himself but smile at her answer. "But, you still did, you betrayed my trust. I was going to tell you eventually about how I ended up in jail, in my own time."

"You still can, love. I don't mind waiting for you to tell me. You need to understand that when I brought that up I was still shocked with the news. You know I'd never pressure you to tell me things that you if feel comfortable or ready to share."

Emma lips curved upwards very slightly, and Killian felt that it was like a small victory.

"But you still betrayed my trust, intentionally or not. I can't trust you anymore Killian, I just can't."

He felt himself freeze at her sudden change of tone, a stern one. He sensed that what was about to come wouldn't be something he will want to hear.

"Do you remember when we went to have a coffee together after you waltzed back into my life? I told you that if I _ever_ wanted to end this relationship between us I could, no questions asked. You agreed to that, you remember?"

He tried to swallow the lump lodged in his throat as he nodded very slowly, but proved very difficult to do so, knowing exactly where they were now.

"It's over. I… I don't want you to seek me out, here or at my apartment. Don't try to call me or text me, because I've already deleted your number. I just want to forget about all of this, and you should, too."

His eyes were fixed on the table and felt that his body was frozen, and that he couldn't move his limbs even if his life depended on it. She got up from her seat and stood next to the table, as she mumbled with a wavering voice, ' _Goodbye Killian'_ , and walked for the back door.

It took him a minute or two before he managed to get up and leave, and felt his eyes burn with the tears that threatened to escape. He let them fall down freely the moment he arrived home with a bottle of rum in his hands.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy to be able to post this chapter so fast. The response to the last chapter was insane and it really fueled my muse to write it right away. So there's one more chapter left after this one and there will be an epilogue after. I'm really sad that this story to an end so soon, but it had to one day!
> 
> A big thanks to Magali21 for adding her input on the story which made me rearrange some things on how it will end, I really hope you'll like it. Thanks to oncertwice as usual for helping me through yet another chapter and editing it!
> 
> I really hope you'll enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Until next time!

Killian's apartment was a mess, and, if he was being honest, he didn't care. 

 

Not at all. 

 

Everything that he held dear was now gone (per Emma's request, and he decided to respect them after all the pain and humiliation he’d caused her). Since the day he went to visit her at the bar, when she broke things off, endless bottles of beer and rum had occupied the space on his counter, followed by empty plastic wrappers and cartons of food. 

 

His appearance was unkempt, his stubble now more furnish than usual, his hair longer and disheveled and it took all of his energy to actually get up and take a shower. Killian managed to take an impromptu week off from work, since he still had a couple of sick days stocked. He moped around his place, alone, not wanting the company of anyone. 

 

At first when his phone went off, he would run over to it in hopes of seeing Emma’s name on the small screen. After a day or two, his optimism quickly faltered when he realized that it was actually over, and that she has taken her decision and was sticking to it. 

 

Soon after that lucid acknowledgement of her intentions, whenever his phone rang or beeped, he would ignore it, and let his phone go straight to voicemail. Near the end of his week off, he didn’t even bother to recharge his cellphone. That is why when there was a strong pounding on his door, he didn’t know what to expect. That's when he saw the angry look on his best friend's face quickly changing to a worried one when he opened the door. 

 

“Killian, you look like shit.” David’s hands were resting on his hips but fell down to his sides as his brows furrowed even further as he inpescted Killian's appearance.

 

“Hello to you, too, David.” His voice had no motivation whatsoever as he stepped to the side to let his friend come inside his apartment. 

 

David got the hint and walked in his place, and his steps stopped when he saw the state of his apartment: a complete mess. 

 

“What the hell happened here?” Killian let out an exhausted sigh as he saw David’s reaction, knowing that he will not leave him alone until he told him what was wrong. And he absolutely didn’t feel like it. He turned around to face him with a questionning look while he shrugged in response.

 

“I took a bit of an unexpected vacation.” 

 

“And you decided to spend your vacation in a dump?”

 

He shrugged again, and walked past his friend to get himself a beer. He took the top off the bottle and took a swig of his drink under the horrified look his best friend was giving him.

 

“And you are now drinking at one in the afternoon. Well that is just fantastic. Seriously man, what’s wrong with you?”

 

He deposited his beer on the kitchen island, his eyes fixed on the floor as he let out a shaky breath. “Emma ended things with me.” He lifted his eyes to look at David, his expression now understanding and compassionate with his pain.

 

“Did she tell you why?” He asked Killian as he went to get himself a beer from the fridge, sensing that this was a conversation that needed some alcohol, and he went to sit on one of stools of the kitchen island.

 

“Ugh…” He shook his head with a sad smile on his face as he tried to figure out how to explain the situation with Emma. “Long story short, she has a lot of issues, I screwed up, and she was looking for whatever reason to end things so she can prove that her issues are real.”

 

“You don’t want to tell me the details?”

 

“No.” Killian took a sip of his beer, relishing on the slow buzz that was settling inside of him.

 

“Okay.” David paused trying to figure out a way to understand a bit more what exactly happened. “Do you think she still has feelings for you despite that?”

 

“Yes, I hope.” He really did, he was convinced, even now, that she loved him too but that she was too afraid to even admit it to herself.

 

“Was she right? To leave you?” 

 

“Maybe. The thing is, the way Emma sees things is very dichotomous. She sees no in between, I believe we could have work things out, but she only sees the bad thing and sticks to it.”

 

“So you just gave up?”

 

“Well, kind of. She made it pretty clear that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore, and that she didn’t want me to call or go see her.” David eyed him, clearly outraged with what he had said.

 

“That is not the Killian Jones I know. What happened to ‘ a man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets ?' You have always fought for the people you love. If you love her,  fight for her ! Tell her how you feel, and make her see that you are only human, you make mistakes but that you are willing to be a better man  for her . You will get nowhere if you just stay here and think about it over and over. Do something, anything.”

 

Killian looked as his friend as if he had just told the revelation of the year. David was right, he needed to make her see that despite his big mistake of going behind her back for the job offer, he wasn't going to be scared away because she went to prison. He needed to make her realize that he wasn't going to back out that easily, he was going to fight for her. He wasn't going to leave and not come back like he did when he was young. This time he'll be there, waiting for  her .

 

-/-

 

After Killian left the bar, Emma went to seclude herself in the back of the store to try and get her emotions in check and to be sure that he was gone before going back to her station. 

 

She couldn't let herself see him in the state that she left him. She could feel and hear his heart breaking, and couldn't face him after what she had done. He may not understand now, but he will eventually, when he'll realize that she wasn't worth it. Maybe he didn't see it, but if he had stayed with her he would have seen that she was just a waste of time, especially if he knew what had happened with Neal. Everybody eventually abandonned or just left her.

 

The other reason, the one she was using as an excuse to leave him, was that he had betrayed her. It hurt knowing that he didn't tell her about the job, she thought a lot about how he misused her trust, and how she felt betrayed. 

 

The more she thought about it, she knew that he didn't do that to hurt her, but actually help her go further in life. But her fears and issues that she had carried all of her life always got the better of her and decided to blow this things out of proportion to use it as an excuse to end things before he ended what was between them. She was protecting herself, that was what she kept repeating to herself. 

 

When she had returned behind the counter, she saw Ruby with her perfectly trimmed eyebrows knitted and frowning at her. She went back to work as if nothing happened not wanting to get into her discussion with Killian right away. She made a refill for the couple she had served before Killian arrived and tried to postpone the talk with her coworker as long as she could.

 

Unfortunately, it didn't last long. Her friend waited for her to have fewer clients to attend to and went to stand next to her as she leaned in, as if she was looking to gossip.

 

"What happened?" 

 

Emma shifted and tried to avoid her friend's gaze as she kept cutting some lemons.

 

"He left."

 

"I got that. But why? Did you two patch things up?"

 

"No, I broke up with him."

 

There was a small yet heavy silence as her friend tried to take in what she had just said.

 

"Why?" She blurted out, her hands going to rest on her hips.

 

"Because, he betrayed my trust."

 

"Really? You broke with him for that?" 

 

Emma finally turned her upper body around to face her friend, the small knife still in her hands and a uncut lemon in the other. "Yes really. He betrayed me." 

 

Ruby let out a dry laugh at Emma's insistence, which irritated her seeing her friend reacting that way. "Don’t you think you're overreacting a little? You know very well he didn't do it on purpose, he wanted to do this for you so you would do something with your life besides bartending." 

 

Emma was about to reply to her, to justify herself, but Ruby didn't let her any time to retort. 

 

"I think you are using that as an excuse to leave him because you can't admit it to yourself that you are falling for him. So you are just leaving him because you're scared. Am I right?"

 

Emma tried to hold the brunette’s stare, trying to not let her see how right she was, but she had a feeling that the tears gathering at the corner of her eyes was doing all the talking. She looked down, and felt a tear slip through. 

 

"You know, I have never seen you happy, truly happy in the two years I have known you. But the moment you started seeing him, you changed, you were happy. You were smiling sincerely for once, you were carefree as if you finally let yourself be loved. Don't let your issues get the best of you, you deserve happiness." 

 

Emma nodded slowly as she licked her lips. She wanted to speak up but her throat was dry. It was the first time that someone actually voiced her struggle, her issues with trust and well people and general. It felt like a revelation to hear somebody else say it, as if she could finally process it and consider the weight of those thoughts. She cleared her throat and managed to open her mouth. "Do you think you can finish the night alone?" 

 

"Sure." The brunette smiled, her hand resting on Emma's shoulder and squeezing it lightly. "Are you going to see him?"

 

"I need some time to think." With that Emma washed her hands to take the smell of lemon away and took her jacket and left towards her apartment. 

 

A week went by and Emma was still overthinking Ruby's words and was confused in what she should do. Her fears were still crippling her into taking action and going to see him and tell him how sorry she was, and to tell him that she loved him. The way she felt about him was so strong that it scared her so much, making her walls build up around her as fast as he took them down. 

 

After that night when he came by the bar, she didn't go back. At first, it was because she felt unable to get herself out of bed, the pain too much for her. But after two then three days, Regina had called her and gave her an ultimatum, either she comes to work tonight or she's fired, since she was tired of dealing with Emma's mood swings. She seized the occasion and told her boss not to bother and that she quit. 

 

So now Emma was hanging around her place in her pyjama and wondered how the hell she was going to gain money now. She had quite enough saved, which could sustain her for a couple of months. But she didn't want to stay in her apartment and do nothing, she needs to do something. Anything.

 

Coming out of her room, she walked over to the kitchen to make herself a cup of cocoa as she grabbed the paper, wondering  if there was a place where she could apply for a job. She had just settled herself on her couch, getting herself comfortable under a blanket with her hot cup of chocolate milk when three loud knocks resonated into her empty apartment. 

 

Emma's eyebrows furrowed as she put her mug on her coffee table and got up and walked towards her door. She opened the door and her body went still when she Killian standing on the other side, her jaw going slack.

 

Emma tried to say something but ended up stuttering a mix of words which came out incomprehensible. She really wasn't expecting him to casually show up at her place, especially after breaking his heart and telling him not to seek her out. 

 

"I know you told me not to come here, or try to regain contact with you, but there are still some things I need to say before you decide to shut me out for good.” He waited for a moment, waiting to see if she'd tell him to leave, but she didn’t. She just stood there, not knowing what to do. “Can I come in?” 

 

She shut her mouth closed and stepped aside so he could come in. He stayed in the entrance hall not knowing if he should go any further. Emma closed the door and turned around, standing in front of him, and she was as lost as him. Should she invite him to the living room? The space between them was awkward, both not knowing the amount of space to have between them. Killian was the first to break that moment as he started to talk.

 

“I know that we had an agreement when we first tried to mend our friendship, and I told you I would honor it, but there’s something inside me that tells me that we are past that friendship. What we had was something meaningful, deeper than that. And I find it hard to just– just end it like that, because of one small condition. Isn’t it?”

 

Emma gathered the courage to lift her eyes and meet his blue ones. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and that his stubble was thicker than usual. He seemed to have had a couple of bad days lately, and she could only blame herself. She cleared her throat softly, and murmured a small  ‘maybe’ . She noticed him gaining a little bit of courage before he continued his speech. 

 

“I know why you decided to end this.” 

 

She swallowed hard, as she tried to keep her eyes fixed on his determined gaze. 

 

“You’re using that incident to end things between us because you’re scared. Scared that I will leave you again, scared of what you may feel for me, scared of letting yourself be loved.” 

 

Her breathing got heavier as she listened to him and felt her body completely freeze.

 

“And, I understand why you are scared, but you need to know you’re not the only one. The last time I opened my heart to someone she was brutally taken away from me, I was utterly broken and devastated and it took me time to get over it, and I realized that, I had gotten over her when you came back into my life. I love you, Emma, more than anything. If you leave me for good, I know there is no woman who could ever fill the place you hold in my heart because you are everything to me.”

 

Emma’s heart was now racing, and she could feel the blood pounding into her ears as she heard him pouring his heart out, finding it hard to believe that he felt and saw her that way. 

 

“I know you think I’ll leave again if you give us a try, but I won’t. I’m not a careless eighteen-year-old, I’m in this for the long haul, and I’ll be waiting for you whenever you’re ready to open yourself up to me.” 

 

When he finished talking, he exhaled loudly, as if he finally took a big weight off of his shoulders. His hand went to his back pocket of his dark washed jeans and he took out something, keeping it firmly in his fist. With his other hand he reached out for one of her own. His warm touch took her breath away, feeling a jolt of electricity course through her. He deposited the object in her hands and closed it into a fist with both of his. 

 

He walked towards the door, and as he reached for the handle, he turned back to look at her one more time. “You know where to find me.” And with that, he walked out of Emma's apartment and closed the door behind him. 

 

Her eyes were glued to where he just left, feeling completely numb to everything he had just told her. She glanced back to her hand, where she could still feel the touch of his strong hands, as if he had marked her with only his touch. Stretching her fingers out, she saw in the middle of her palm the friendship bracelet she'd given him before he left for college. 

  
Her lips parted in shock as she realized he had kept it all these years.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter of this story (note that there will be an epilogue).
> 
> I seriously can't believe I actually finished it, in my head this story would have go on forever. It's an idea I had for so long, and that I finally got the guts to write it over the summer. I would like to thank all of you who read the story, who reviewed/followed (it's now over 300, this is insane!) and favorite. It meant the world to me and it makes me even sadder that this is over.
> 
> Thanks to my bestie oncertwice for always being there to help with this story, and for approving my ideas (she has that power over me), for being constantly supporting and for lending me her betaing skills to make this story readable!
> 
> So without further ado, here's the last part and I really hope you guys like it!
> 
> Read and enjoy!
> 
> A/N: Google doc decided to be annoying and when it finished being edited, the paragraphs changed places (beginning at the end, middle at the beginning) and cutting at the most convenient places, MID-SENTENCE! So I fixed it the best I could, if there are still some words or phrasing that doesn't seem to fit, I'm sorry, I tried my best!

After Killian left, Emma went to regain her seat on her couch, and felt into something of a trance as she looked at the trinket she made all those years ago. She gave it to him so he had something to remember her by, and he'd kept it with him, all this time. Emma had a hard time realizing that it meant that much to him, to keep something that she made him.

Her eyes were fixated on the bracelet that was dangling from her finger as she swirled it around. The colors had faded with time, and she could see where the thread had broken with use, which meant that he had worn that bracelet for a long time before it broke by itself.

His words whirled around in her head as she tried to fully process his intentions and feelings.

 _He loved her_.

She still couldn't fully believe it, she knew (well she still was trying to convince herself) that she made him happy, he had reassured her that she was the source of his happiness when she felt that she couldn't possibly make him as happy as he was with Milah.

Killian loved _her._

Those were the only words that kept going through her mind. Somebody truly loved her, for who she was, strong points and flaws included, putting up with her issues, her insecurities. He came back for her, despite the fact that she told him not to, deciding that she was important enough to fight for her, that she was worthy of him.

She still couldn't believe it, and felt her stomach flip just thinking about it. Somebody, and not just anybody– Killian– was refusing to leave her behind and she has never felt this felt this warmth inside her, as if she finally found a place where she belonged, her home.

The idea of what had just transpired was seeping through her mind, and felt suddenly extremely guilty for making Killian go through all of this. She had been selfish, thinking about her feelings, of how she didn't want to get hurt, and in the process, she'd wounded Killian.

Despite his declaration of love, she still hoped that he will forgive her. For being stubborn, for being selfish, for hurting him. While he was pouring his heart out, all she wanted to do was to tell him that she loved him too, more than anything.

Emma knew that she would have to gather the courage to fix things up. Eventually.

-/-

Days went by without any sign of Emma. No text, no call, nothing. Maybe he had thought wrong, maybe she didn't have the same feelings for him as he had for her. She didn't say a thing after he finished talking and he still had no news from her. He felt stupid, humiliated and hurt.

He really thought that showing her that he had kept that bracelet all this time would have shown her that despite never coming back, he still did think of her, still missed her. He just got caught up being away, living the college life, discovering love for the first time.

Killian went back to work after his week was off, and tried as best as he could to focus on his work. He did managed, burying himself in countless hours in his papers, designing buildings. He offered staying late nights at the office wanting to forget as much as he could how much a fool he made of himself.

It was late, almost nine, and he was finally heading back home. He reached the top of the stairs and turned around the corner and walked down the hallway that led to his apartment. His feet stopped abruptly (as well as his breathing) when he saw her.

Emma was sitting on the floor, her back leaning on his door, her head thrown back, eyes closed. He was surprise to say the least of seeing her there and wondered how long was she waiting for him.

Killian finally regained the control of his limbs and walked over her. She must have heard his footsteps as she opened her eyes and turned her head in his direction and instantly got herself up.

Emma was now standing with her hands buried in the back pocket of her pants looking at him with a shy smile, her eyes occasionally glancing at him.

"Hi."

"Hi. Have you been waiting long?" Killian asked as his hand pointed to where she was sitting a minute earlier. He noticed her cheeks go pink as she avoided looking at him.

"Um, about an hour or two. I thought you would have been home already, and I decided to wait for you to get here." Killian noticed that she was nervous, as she was slowly rocking back and forward on the balls of her feet.

"I, uh, sorry. I had a lot of work to catch up so I decided to stay a bit tonight."

"It's okay. I didn't tell you that I was going to come over." They both looked at each other, the air between them thick with nervousness. Killian seemed to be the first to come out of this silence as he looked at his door.

"You want to come in for a drink?"

"Yeah, sure." She answered softly as he pulled the keys out of his pocket and went to unlock the door.

He let her go inside first and she waits for him in the hallway, leaving her coat on. He offers to take her coat and she hesitates for a moment before nodding and taking the red leather jacket off her shoulders. His fingers brush hers as he takes the leather from her hands and they both feel their body go still, as they raise their eyes and look at each other. He sees her swallow and releases the hold on she had on her jacket, leaving him to take it away.

"Do you want a beer?" Killian asks as he walked over to the kitchen.

"Okay." Emma is still in the hallway and he can see that she isn't really sure of what she is doing there.

He takes two beers out of the fridge, takes the top off and walks over the living room. He settles the bottles on the coffee table and he takes a seat on his couch. She is still standing on the same spot, and Killian raises his head and looks at her. She takes a deep breath before taking a step further in his apartment and goes to sit at the other end of the couch.

They sat in silence as they both took a couple of sips of their drink, before curiosity got the better of him.

"Care to tell me what you're doing here?" Her eyes glances at him and then to her hands, which are fiddling with the label of her beer.

"I, um, don't know." She starts tentatively. "Actually, I do. I just don't know where to start."

"Why don't you start from the beginning?" She looks up to him, and he sees the vulnerability in her eyes and how much she is scared. She takes a deep breath, and breathed out an ' _okay'_.

"When you left all these years ago, I felt this hole inside me. As if a piece of me was missing, and everytime I felt alone, I looked at that drawing you made me. It gave me hope. Hope that you would come back to me, that you would make everything better, as you always did." Killian felt this wave of guilt course through him. He knew he had hurt her when he left, but he didn't knew how much.

"After a year without any news from you, I tried reasoning with myself that you were busy and couldn't come but that you would eventually. I told that myself that story for four years." Emma laughed dryly, a voice slowly wavering. "When Isabelle started to get sick, I held to that drawing as if my life depended on it. _I needed you_. She passed away and I felt lost, not knowing what would happen. A month after, Clifford came to my room and told me to pack my things because I was leaving."

Emma stopped. She took a shaky breath as she tried as hard as she could not to cry, but failed when a tear started to slip through her eyes.

"He sent me back, because he didn't want to deal with me. No families wanted a fourteen-year-old with an attitude problem. I got angry, angry at you for not keeping your promise, because if you would have come back, maybe I would have had someone to lean on. So I tore that drawing. I stayed in the foster care system until I was eighteen."

"Emma." His voice came out small and weak. "I'm so sorry. I was so involved in my own things that I didn't think about how you felt. I thought that you would be in good hands with Isabelle and Clifford."

She smiled weakly at him. "I thought so, too."

He wanted to close the space between them and hug her, to comfort her for all those years when he wasn't there. Before he could do any of those things she started talking again.

"When I left the system, I had no money, so I had to steal every once in a while so I could eat. I tried to rob a car, and that's when I met Neal."

_Neal._

He remembered that name when Ruby had told him briefly about Emma's encounter at the bar with him. A man from her past. Killian knew that he had hurt her in some way but didn't know how. He was finally going to find out. And he did.

Emma told him how they started seeing each other, pulling out a Bonnie and Clyde act as they stole food and lived in his stolen car. She fell in love with him, and he told her that he loved her too, or so she thought. The bastard framed her for his crime, for his stolen watches, making her end up in jail for eleven months.

She wasn't only ashamed of ending up there, she was ashamed of how she did. She was betrayed by someone who she thought loved her. It's the worst kind of betrayal for anyone, but for Emma, even more, being a lost girl thinking she was unwanted by everyone surrounding her.

The pieces were finally coming together, why she arrived at his apartment that night so shaken up. Understanding why she was so relunctant to open herself to anyone, not only because of Neal, also because of him, Clifford, everybody who had stepped into her life. He couldn't blame her for wanting to protect herself from being hurt again.

"You were right. I used your betrayal as an excuse to end things. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt, but it hurt more knowing you knew that shameful part of my life. I was afraid you would despise me, think I wasn't worthy of you and you would leave. And I couldn't bear the thought of you leaving me because I love you. I preferred leaving you before you would to make things easier for me. It didn't. I miss you, so much."

Emma's tears started to spill half way through her story, she was now sobbing as she told him what she felt for him. Killian felt a mix of guilt, sadness and happiness.

Guilt for having left her and not have come back. Sadness because of what she went throughout and how unworthy she felt of anyone. And happy because she had just told him that she loved him.

"I've missed you, too, Emma. And I'm so sorry for everything that you went through. I was a complete idiot back then, and I could never let you go through something like that again. I want to be here for you, always."

Emma smiled at him as the tears were spilling from her eyes, and he smiled back. They closed the space between them, arms wrapping around each other as they pressed their lips together. She kept repeating between kisses how much she loved him, and he did, too.

They kept kissing each other and after awhile they both decided to move to his bed. They cuddled and continued to talk for some time, until they fell asleep fully clothed. They both didn't get a peaceful night of sleep in the past two weeks, and they finally managed to sleep well for once.

Awhile after midnight, Killian opened his eyes and felt her body still pressed on his chest. He smiled knowing that she was really there with him in his bed. They had fallen asleep over the covers, both with their clothes still on. He shifted his position lightly to get more comfortable, as Emma was still asleep moaned in her sleep as she readjusted her head on his chest. His chin went to the top of her head, while his hand around her waist was caressing her hip.

His mind kept thinking about everthing she had just said. Killian knew that her opening herself was a big step, she had made herself vulnerable telling him absolutely everything that had happened in those years where they have been apart. He knew that even if she had just admitted to him the reason why she broke things off, he had a feeling she will still slumback, and he will have to prove her that he was going everywhere. He will help her go through her issues, and she eventually will.

He doesn't know for how long he just stayed there laying on his back, with the woman he loved in his arms. He felt her move, her arm around his waist tighetening around him as she raised her head, her chin resting on his chest.

"Hey." Her voice was still thick with sleep, eyes half open and her golden locks all tussled, with a lazy smile and he never thought he had seen a prettier sight.

He greeted back with a smile and a kiss to the forehead.

"That was the best nap I've had in a while." She stated as she nuzzled his neck, her arms tightening around his waist.

"Me too. I must say that these past two weeks I've had trouble sleeping." Emma tensed in his arms and she leaned back, propping herself on her elbow.

"I'm sorry that I put you through all of that." Her voice was small and there was a hint of guilt. Killian mimicked her position, his hand cupping her cheek.

"It doesn't matter, you're here with me now. That's all that matters." He leaned his head forward, pressing his lips on hers, pouring all of the emotions he felt for her in it.

The kiss led them to undress each other under the loving gaze of one another. Killian wanting to make up for lost time, took his time to explore and savour every inch of her. Emma let herself be loved for the first time, and actually believe it. They fell asleep once again, this time under the covers and completely bare. They woke in the middle of the night to enjoy each other one more time, this time around initiated by Emma, wanting to show him how much he meant to her.

Early in the morning, Emma felt the blankets rustled and the bed shift. She tried opening her eyes with great difficulty, her eyelids feeling extremely heavy. She managed to squint and looked on the other side of the bed and saw Killian standing up, as he was getting dressed.

"Hey." She mumbled, her voice still thick with sleep.

"Good morning, love." He turned around as he finished buttoning his shirt, and drop one of his knee on the mattress, making it sink a bit. He held himself on his hands as he went to kiss her as she hummed in contentment.

"What are you doing? Come back to bed."

He went walked to his dresser and took his leather watch and wrapped around his wrist as he attached it with the small metal contraption.

"Unfortunately, I need to go to work."

"Can't you pretend to be sick and spend the day in bed with me?" Killian bit his bottom lip as Emma giggled at her own proposition.

"You know that I would love that, but the thing is, I already took all of my sick days."

Emma sighed in resignation, and sat on the bed wanting to get up and get herself dress.

"What are you doing?" Killian asked her as he looked at her with confusion, eyebrows knitted.

"I'm getting dressed so I can go back to my place. You want me to walk back to my appartment naked?"

"That's not what I meant." Killian laughed as he went to sit next to her, taking her hands in his. "I thought that you could stay here. I don't mind, and I probably arrange myself to finish a bit early since this past week I've been doing a lot of extra hours. What do you say?"

"I don't mind going back home."

"I know you don't, but I would love for you to stay and relax. Plus, knowing that you're here, in my bed, will make me want to finish things at work faster, and come back here and lay down with you."

Emma felt herself blush at his comment. She really didn't mind going back to her place, but the thought of staying here was quite appealing and the fact that he wanted her to stay, made her feel as if he truly trusted her completely (even if she already knew he did).

She looked at him with a worried look. "You sure?"

He smiled at her as he cupped her cheeks with both of his hands and kissed her forehead. "Positive."

She met his loving gaze and smiled back, as he kissed her goodbye and left for work. Emma then buried herself under the warm covers, inhaling his unique scent, the corner of her lips slitghly curved upwards. Emma readjusted her pillow and the blanket as she let the comforable numbness of sleep take over her again.

Emma woke a couple of hours later, her stomach growling. Deciding that it was time to get up, she went in search of her panties (that were laying on the floor at the other side of the room) and grabbed Killian's shirt. She searched his pantry and found the cocoa mix that he had bought her a couple of weeks ago (when she used to spent most of her nights here) and proceeded on making herself a nice hot cup of her favorite drink. She then made herself some peanut butter toast and went to settle herself on his couch. She tucked her legs under her, her arms resting on the side of the couch and grabbed the remote and decided to watch _Matilda_.

When the movie finished, she heard the front door open, and saw Killian appear in the hallway as he got rid of his shoes. He smiled at her as he walked towards and sat next to her, leaning his upper body on hers, as he nuzzled her neck.

"I could get use to having you here everytime, dressed in my shirt only when I get back from work." He kissed her neck as she hummed her approval and Killian leaned back so he could look at her.

"Do you have to go to work tonight?" He asked reluctantly, clearly not wanting her to leave his side, now that their feelings were out in the open.

Emma shifted on her seat to get herself comfortable and her fingers fiddling with the hem of her (his) shirt.

"Actually no. I, um, resigned." She lifted her eyes to meet his, and saw the surpise and the questionning stare he had in his look.

"It happened last week. I kept thinking about my future, and I realized that you were right, that I couldn't keep doing that job forever. Regina gave me an ultimatum, and I decided to quit. I realized if I didn't do it then I never would. So I just did."

"What are you going to do now? Do you have enough to still pay your appartment?" He asked worriedly as he took in the fallout of her decision.

"Don't worry, I have enough save up. I don't know what I want to do, but I do know that I want to do something meaningful with my life." Killian smiled proudly at her, and took her in his arms, his hand caressing her arm.

"We'll figure it out, together." Emma leaned back and locked her eyes with his. A smile appeared on both their faces. They will figure it out together.


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the final part of this story, it is offically over. Thanks to everyone who read this story, kudos, bookmarked and made a comment, seriously you people are amazing!
> 
> I'm kind of sad of posting this because it means that there won't be more of it, but every good thing must come to an end.
> 
> I hope you like this small epilogue, read an enjoy!!

Emma’s eyelids felt heavy, and she had trouble concentrating any further. She shook her head to try and wake a bit, and grabbed the stack of books that were scattered in front of her, and cleared the small cubicle. She inserted some of the books and manual in her backpack, and kept the rest securidly between her arms and chest. She walked out of the library silently as she passed by the other college students craming for their finals.

**__ **

She stopped when she arrived outside, and inhaled deeply the fresh air before she started her usual walk towards her apartment. For the past year she has been attending college as an undecleared student. She still didn’t know what she wanted to do, but she figured that it was best to go college and learn things instead of just working a meaningless job.

**__ **

Wanting to limit her expenses, Emma decided to look for an apartment near to her college so she wouldn’t have to take the public transportation. When Ruby announced her that she was going to be moving in with Victor, that’s when she grasped the occasion and put those plans in action. Killian offered her to move into his apartment, but she refused since his apartment as a bit small for her things to be added to his. After a while he proposed her to hunt for an apartment that would suit their needs, an extra room and near college. That is how the ended up living together.

**__ _ _ **

Emma finally arrived at her building, and couldn’t be more thrilled to have reached her destination. Moments later she was in front of her door, inserting the key in the lock and entered her apartment. She was welcomed by the smell and sound of food being cooked. She took her shoes off, and dropped her bag and books on the bench next to the entrance.

**__ **

She walked further into the apartment and went towards the source of the mouth watering smell. Killian’s back was to her as he stood in front of the stove stirring something in the big casserole. He looked back for a moment only and smiled when he saw her. Emma walked over him and hugged his back, pressing her cheek on his shoulder blade.

**__ **

“Hey, you.” Mumbled Emma as she sighed contentedly.

**__ **

“Hello, love.” He finished stirring the sauce and put the lid on it, to let it simmer. He turned around and kissed her forehead lightly. “Were you productive today with your studying?”

**__ **

“Yeah, but my head his so ful nowl. I couldn’t manage to stay awake and I was starting to get a headache. I can barely manage to stay awake.” His hands went to cup her cheeks and he leaned his head back to take a look at her.

**__ **

“Do you want me to draw you a bath and by the time you get out, supper will be ready.” Emma smiled at him. What did she do to deserve such an amazing boyfriend.

**__ **

“That’s okay. I’ll go take a shower instead. I might pass out if I take a bath. Thanks anyways.” She closed the space between them and pressed their lips together lightly before leaving his embrace and walked over the bathroom.

**__ **

She disrobed herself and turned on the water and waited for it to be perfect temparature before getting inside and wash herself. She stayed under the water, eyes closed, relishing on the sensation of the water roll down her body, as she got lost in her thoughts.

**__ **

For the first time in a very long time, she realized how happy she was. The moment she let her issues go, she focused on loving herself. KIllian was always there for her, reminding her her qualities, encouraging her in her plans to go back to school, even if she didn’t know what she wanted to do, he was just constantly there for her. He was also a big part of her happiness. They still had their fights, she still got herself caught up in her defense mechanism, and her instinct was still often to run away. But he didn’t give up. Never. He always found a way to bring her back and remind her that he wasn’t leaving her.

**__ **

When she finished washing herself she got out and dried off. The moment she stepped out of the bathroom with her towel securidly wrapped around her chest, Killian came to see her and tell her that the supper was ready. His steps faltered when he saw her in her towel only and walked over her with a grin on his face. HIs hands went to rest on her hips as he drew her closer to him, and kissed her.

**__ **

Emma looked up at him after their lips detached and smiled. “I just need to go put on some clothes and I’ll be right there.”

**__ **

“Mmm, I don’t mind if you decided to stay in this only.” He toyed with her towel, as Emma giggled at his comment.

**__ **

“Yeah, well, remember what happened last time. The food burnt and we had to order some take out. I’ll only be a minute.” Killian smirked at her as she reminded him of last time, and she could feel his eyes already undressing her. She tapped him on the chest before going into their bedroom.

**__ **

When she finished putting on some sweatpants (his) and a tank top, she went to join him at the table where he was serving the food. As she walked over the table, he eyed her with a suspecting look.

**__ **

“Are those my pants you’re wearing?”

**__ **

Emma sat down on her chair as she hummed affirmatively in response.

**__ **

“And why is that?” He asked as they were now both sitting at the table with their food on the table.

**__ **

“They’re more comfortable than mine.” She answered as she took a bite of her smashed potatoes.

**__ **

“And what do you expect me to wear instead of my sweatpants?”

**__ **

“Mmm, I don’t know. You can wear either my pants, or nothing.” It was her turn to smirk. They continued teasing each other that way all throughout the supper

**__ **

After they finished eating and ate some ice cream, Emma went to do the dishes, Killian insisting that he would do it. She managed to convince him by telling him that he made the supper, it was the least she could do.

**__ **

When all the dishes were clean, she went to the living room where she saw him sprawled on the couch. KIllian saw her walk over to him and pushed himself further into the couch, leaving her some space to come lay in front of him, which she did.

**__ **

He curled his arm over her waist and kissed the top of head. She closed her eyes as she sighed in contentment, a warm feeling spreading over as she enjoyed this small moment. She had never been this happy, and felt as if she belonged, as if someone cared.

**__ **

Killian managed to do that for her, and she was more than happy to fall asleep in his arms this way, forever.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to add another chapter after the epilogue, but when I asked my bestie if she wanted a fic for Christmas she asked me for another installement of this story and who am I to deny Nicki. Sadly I never managed to write it so I decided to make amends by writing one for Valentine's day. I really hope you all like it!
> 
> Thanks to Haleigh for agreeing to beta this chapter :). Needless to say that this chapter is rated S for Smut!
> 
> Enjoy!

Tonight was their date night and coincidentally it was also Valentine's day. For that past couple of weeks they have decided to have one or two nights a month where they would go out. Work and their responsibilities took most of their time, and when they finally had a moment for themselves they were exhausted, spending most of their nights with them curled on their couch as they watched a movie. They both missed going out, so they decided to make an effort and spend one of their evenings out.

They had nothing special planned for the most romantic night of the year. Even though Killian was quite the romantic, he felt that he shouldn't just show her one night a year, but more than once a year.

Emma finished applying the last touches to her make-up and straightened herself afterwards before looking over herself in the full body length mirror in their bedroom. Her hair fell down her back and rested on her shoulders. She had opted for a red dress (to match the occasion) with a sweetheart neckline, the top molding her curves perfectly and the skirt of her dress fanning outwards from the waist down to her knees. She finished her outfit with a pair of black high heels and a small, silver swan necklace that Killian gave to her for her birthday last year, because, according to him, she needed something as graceful and beautiful as her.

Inspecting her whole outfit one last time, she tucked a loose strand of her curled hair behind her ear as she stepped outside of the bedroom, entering the living room where Killian had been waiting for her for the past forty minutes. He lifted his gaze from his phone and his blue eyes widened at the sight of her, his mouth parting slightly.

"Nothing to say huh? I guess I succeeded on knocking you out with my dress." She teased him as she walked towards where he was sitting.

Killian chuckled at her words and got up to join her midway his hands instantly going for her waist. He leaned his head forward capturing her lips for a soft kiss.

"Well you do look stunning in that dress, love." He took a step back to admire her attire one last time, while Emma did the same with him.

"You don't look so bad yourself." In her opinion Killian always looked good (except those awkward teenaged years where his arms were longer than the rest of his body and he was uncoordinated). He could wear a potato sack and he would still look like a model walking down the runway.

He had opted for a light gray dress shirt (the first couple of buttons open of course), a dark gray blazer and a pair of black dress pants. Despite the simple choice of clothing, Emma was already turned on.

They kissed softly one more time and then grabbed their coats and headed outside to hail a cab. They arrived at the restaurant with time to spare, their table unavailable for the moment. The waitress led them to a small table in the bar area, ordering a pint of Guinness for him and a glass of white wine for her. They were sitting close to each other, Killian's hand squeezing her thigh affectionately. They talked about their week, both being too busy with work and with Emma finishing her last semester at college that they barely had time to themselves. It may be Valentine's Day but for them it was more an opportunity to have a night together.

Luckily, they didn't wait long for their table to be ready, the waitress coming to tell them to follow her with their drinks as she led them to their table. Emma smiled when she noticed the spot that Killian had chosen, knowing that he must have specifically requested a secluded table for them.

Their table was next to a small fireplace, the dim lighting of the restaurant adding to the romantic setting of their date. They ordered a bottle of wine and both skimmed through the menu, hands never too far from one another. When they settled on what they were going to eat, they sipped their glasses of wine as they continued talking about their week, Killian mentioning how David was trying to act all calm about the fact that he was going to be a father, but deep down he was freaking out while Emma told him about Mary Margaret calling her and narrated all the details of her last appointment with the doctor.

They ate in a content companionship as they continued to chat about the events of their week. Once they finished their meal and dessert, it was still early considering it was a Friday and both of them didn't feel like going home just yet. Deciding on going out for more drinks, they headed over to Harrison's Irish Pub, where Emma used to work.

Emma was overwhelmed by the familiarity of the bar. Despite the fact that it had now been two years since she quit that job It still felt as if she was here the night before working a late night shift.

Killian walked them over to a booth in the back, and she instantly recognized it as the one where she broke his heart and told him things were over, a long time ago. A small smile appeared on her face as she realized how much Killian had fought for her inspite of her pushing him away. Emma had come a long way since that night almost two years ago and was more than happy that he had shown her that he wouldn't abandon her. He loved her and she believed it more than anything.

As they settled themselves in their booth, Emma took a look around the place. It hadn't change that much, the only thing noticeable was the staff; she didn't recognized any of them. Shortly after quitting, Ruby had done the same and went to help her Granny run her restaurant.

One drink became three drinks, and Emma quickly felt herself getting tipsy, but in a good way. She was happy and laughing at her boyfriend's dorky comments, and soon felt a shiver run down her spine when the hand on her thigh (well hidden under the table) came to venture further up, his fingers brushing her inner thigh until he finally reached her now scorching center. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, an inaudible moan escaping her lips when Killian pressed his fingers on her bundle of nerves still covered by her lacy underwear.

"Killian." Emma breathed out. "We're in crowded bar." His nose came to brush the skin under her earlobe as he then place a soft kiss on her neck.

"I just couldn't keep my hands to myself anymore, love. You've been a bloody vision in that dress tonight, and we haven't had a time for ourselves in over a week. I need to feel you, bury myself in you, and hear all those dirty noises that come out of your mouth when I make you come, over and over."

"Oh God." Emma whispered, his words going straight to her core making her even more ready for him. She opened her eyes to look around the bar, and noticed that they were far away from prying eyes and the patrons were too absorbed in their own discussions and drinks to notice them. She rolled her hips into his fingers, encouraging him to continue.

"Make it fast, and then take me home and fuck me." Killian growled as his lips were on hers, while his fingers tossed her underwear aside and pushed two fingers inside her heat, thrusting them back and forward in a steady pace, his thumb drawing circles on her clit.

Emma came embarrassingly fast as Killian swallowed her moans with his kisses. She didn't know if it was due to the fact that they hadn't had the chance to be intimate in over a week or if it was because they were in public which added to the thrill or maybe it was a bit of both.

"Let's go home." She told him as she dragged her teeth on his ear lobe, her hand squeezing the bulge in his pants lightly , making him hiss at the contact.

Killian followed her with his jacket draped on his arm in front of him, casually hiding his arousal. Emma hailed a cab quickly and both entered the yellow car. The ride was filled with light touches here and there as they both tried to keep their hormones in check, not wanting to make the cab driver uncomfortable with an intense make-out session. Emma tried to focus on the music playing on the radio and noticed him doing the same.

When the car stopped, Killian almost threw his money at the driver and they both got out of the car in haste, his hands instantly going to her waist as they stumbled into the building. Climbing the stairs proved to be quite the challenge as they couldn't keep their hands off each other, giggling every now and then. Killian tried to unlock the door to their apartment in haste while Emma stood behind him, her fingers tugging at his shirt out of his pants.

"Hurry." She urged him on as she was already attacking his belt before diving a hand into his pants.

"Fuck." He breathed out his forehead hitting the door. "You're not making it easy, Emma."

Emma smirked as she started to stroke him the best she could with his pants still on. "Aren't you up to the challenge?"

"You know I always am." The door finally sprang open, pulling her hand out as he walked inside followed by her.

Killian turned around, hands cupping her face as he smacked his lips on hers, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth. Emma moaned into the kiss as she pushed him in direction of their bedroom while she unbuttoned his shirt, desperate to feel his skin under her hands.

His knees hit the edge of the bed while she shoved him onto the mattress, his shirt now discarded, Emma focusing on pushing his pants down. One of her eyebrows shot upwards when she noticed his boxer briefs.

"Red boxer briefs?" His laugh came out hoarse, enough to make squeeze her thighs together at the sound of it.

"I thought it was fitting." He simply answered, his eyes now black with lust when he saw her licking her lips.

"I like it, but these need to go. Now." His breathing picked up when he lifted his hips up a bit so Emma could pull them down, humming when she saw his cock spring free. Her fingers curled around his hardened length, stroking him lightly as her lips brushed the silky skin.

Killian was about to tell her to stop teasing when she finally took him in her mouth, moaning as she hollowed her cheeks around him. Emma's tongue massaged the underside of his shaft until she reached the tip and swirled her tongue around it. His hands went to caress her hair as she continued to pleasure him until he begged her to stop.

She did as he asked and got up, standing between his parted legs. He looked up at her from where he was sitting while his hands trailed up to the zipper of her dress, and lowered it down slowly.

A lopsided grin came across his face, his hands gripping her waist and growling when he noticed that he wasn't the only one who thought of putting on something special. Emma was wearing a matching red lacy thong and bra, her breasts seeking attention as they almost spilled out of the fabric. Killian leaned forward kissing her lean stomach, trailing upwards as his hands kneaded her breasts, plucking her nipples through the fabric. Her breathing was now labored as he continued to pepper her upper body with wet kisses.

"Killian." She whimpered when he pushed the cups of her bra, his mouth latched to the perky pink nub. "I can't wait anymore, I need to feel you inside me."

Emma whined when his warm mouth left her breast and pushed himself further into the bed, sprawled on his back with one of his usual smirks. She took her panties off and then made a show as she crawled above him, brushing her dripping heat over his erection. They both groaned at the contact, as she started to sway her hips over him. Killian was about to turn her around so he could just take her, but just when he was about to, Emma lifted her hips up lining his cock with her entrance, sinking down on him.

Her eyes closed when she felt him stretching her, pausing for a moment when he was fully seated inside her. Emma placed her hands on his bare chest, nails dragging slightly on the skin feeling the roughness of his chest hair at the tip of her fingers as she started to move her hips up and down. Killian pushed his hips in time to meet hers hitting that one spot that was guaranteed to make her crumble above him.

The room was now filled with the sound of their moans and groans, as she kept riding him, her breast bouncing in time with her movements, until they both reached their climax. Emma fell forward limply while Killian's arms went to circle her upper body as they both tried to regain their wits.

Killian helped Emma roll to his side, settling her head on his chest allowing her to listen to the steady staccato of his heart. She hummed contently, his hand caressing her back lightly.

"I've missed this." She told him, slowly drifting off in a peaceful slumber.

"It's only been a week, Swan." Killian teased hugging her tightly.

"I know but it felt like weeks." Emma lifted her head and rested her chin on his chest, smiling softly at him. "I love you too much to keep my hands off you, even after all this time." Killian mirrored her smiled and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"I love you too." He told her.

Her head resumed its earlier position as it now followed the steady rise of his chest.

"I kept reminding myself tonight, how happy I am to have stumbled at your pub two years ago. I usually never went to grab a drink alone after work, but after an awful day I felt like I needed it. If I had never went inside I would have never been able to save a certain damsel in distress." Emma raised her head so she could lock her eyes with his and smacked him on his chest.

"I wasn't in distress, I could've kicked that guy's ass anytime." Killian chuckled at her response.

"I know you could. You always did defend yourself pretty well when the boys teased you when you were a kid." Emma smiled proudly at him which made him laugh again.

"Well I'm happy that you happened to stumble by the bar and defended me. It got us together again." Killian hugged her tightly whispering and 'it did' into her ear both falling asleep not long after.

They napped for an hour or so, Emma waking up by Killian's touch before they let themselves enjoy each other's company for the rest of the night.


End file.
